Be a Leader, Not a Manipulator

It's amazing what we sometimes do to manipulate other people. Often we're not even aware of what we're doing. What we want is help from other people, and what we end up doing is alienating them.

If you want someone's help, you must let him know you respect and admire his abilities. You want him to become your partner, not your adversary. You can say, "I've seen your work and I think it's terrific. I'm sure I can learn a lot from you. This is what I need to have done. Is there anything I can do to help you do your job?"

You can take this attitude no matter who you're speaking to—your employees, spouse, or children. When something is very important to you, when you're excited about something and want to make sure it comes out well, it's only natural to want to retain control of the situation. But there are times when in order to lead well, you have to let go of the reins. When that happens, those around you feel that you care about them. They will want to prove to you that you were right to place your faith in them, and they, too, will want the best possible results.

Leadership has a harder job to do than just choose sides. It must bring sides together.

—Jesse Jackson,
civil rights leader