Praise Is Equally Valuable

I once asked a leader in his fifties why he had given himself the highest possible score in every indicator on an assessment. “I’m a politician,” he said. “We always vote for ourselves.” This man had a high regard for himself.

Usually, however, people are rather hard on themselves and consequently do not accept positive feedback well. When leaders are not good at receiving and accepting praise, the givers may feel slighted. These responses are vague denials of positive feedback:

• “It’s nothing, really.”

• “You’re good at what you do, too.”

• “Okay thanks, but let’s move on to. . . .”

• “I was raised like that.”

• “But that’s my job.”

These kinds of statements can sound as if the person is deflecting the positive feedback and diminishing the praise and even the person who offered it.

Truly accepting and internalizing the good grades is just as important as absorbing the constructive criticism. I have sat with stunned leaders as they read thoughtful, well-crafted comments like

• “Harvey is one in a million. I have the highest respect for his personal integrity and professionalism.”

• “Brian honestly respects, appreciates, and values us and our work. He’s simply the best boss I’ve ever had.”

• “I have the ultimate respect for Christine. She should have her boss’ job as soon as possible.”

• “I truly believe there is nothing Linda can’t accomplish, and I am honored to be a part of her team.”

• “Steve is incredibly conscientious and considerate of others. He is a great team player. He is beloved by them.”

While feedback is normally kept confidential, I have more than once suggested to a leader that he or she celebrate the good news with family. “Promise me that you will take this home and show your wife how lucky she is. Rip this page out and tape it on the fridge tonight. Everyone in your house needs to know this about you. Take a moment and read some of these comments again—maybe this weekend.” They often think that I am being silly, but I am serious about giving positive admiration a second look, and often a successful leader is able to become that successful because there are people at home providing love, support, a hot meal, a pressed skirt or shirt, and a sensitive sounding board.

Turning a blind eye or skipping over the positives may result in your not fully understanding what’s working. Some leaders say, “Let’s just get to what I need to work on. That’s the point of getting this feedback, isn’t it?” No, not entirely. Knowing what you do well and what others appreciate are as valuable as your biggest criticism.