Win-Win Never Really Is

The whole give-and-take thing, the idea of win-win, people working together, dissecting an issue—all that stuff is true, but it only comes after you’ve built a rapport. You have to be in a position to:

• Know exactly what it is the other side wants.

• Know exactly what it is you want.

• Have some trust that you and your opposite number are working on an even playing field.

If you have that, then you can feel comfortable enough to take the small risks you need to make the give-and-take work. Because win-win doesn’t happen in the real world. In the real world it’s more like, kinda win–not lose. Or kinda win–kinda kinda win. Or not really lose–not really lose.

Giving up something you want, or at least think you want, is usually an important step to reaching your goal in a negotiation. And so is risk. The thing to remember is that you’re never giving up your alternative—the ninjas at your back, Plan B.