The Value of Failure

In the broadest sense of the term, Andrew failed when he experienced partial paralysis. Specifically, his body failed, and at that time all his skills and knowledge were inadequate to deal with what he was going through. Andrew could have chosen to become stuck in his failure, and for many leaders whose careers do not unfold according to their own plans and prescriptions, remaining stuck is an unfortunate outcome. Andrew could have remained bitter about the bad luck that caused him to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Instead, he opened himself up to new people and possibilities. His failure was a catalyst for change and growth.

Most people who move through life experiencing one success after another are shallow. In fact, as professional coaches we can often quickly distinguish between senior executives who have encountered and overcome failure and those who have continually ascended the corporate hierarchy with no detours or unplanned stops. Without a failure or two along the way, leaders never have to move out of their comfort zones, adjust their identities, or develop their capacity for compassion. This isn’t to say that failure is fun or should be sought. Failing hurts. Too much of it can damage your career or, more important, your life.

Failure, though, can also deepen you. It gives you a sense of your own fallibility and forces you to reassess your point of view. As Andrew discovered, increased empathy is a common byproduct of failure. You can gain key relationship-building skills that you’d never acquire if your life were failure-free.

Because failure is a recurring theme in the passages we’re about to discuss, we want to be sure you understand how failure helps you learn. To that end, try the following exercise:

1. Identify something significant you failed at in your personal or professional life. It can be anything from a marriage to a job. Be specific about the failure. Summarize the failure in a sentence, and use the word fail:

   I was one of three candidates for the general manager position at my company, but I failed to be selected.

   I failed as a father to my teenaged son because I pushed him too hard and hurt the relationship.

2. Describe how you felt about the failure immediately after it occurred. Did you blame others for the failure? Did you act like the world had come to an end? Did you question your ability or intelligence?

3. Now move forward in time. Using hindsight, list any positive outcomes from the failure. Include any positives in the following categories:

   Skills you acquired

   Lessons you learned

   Relationships you established

4. Identify how the failure may have changed you as a person. Specify traits or attitudes that you developed as a result of the failure. Do a before-and-after portrait of yourself, and note whether the “after” portrait represents a wiser, more mature person.

Most people recognize the value of failure only months or years later. Senior executives are often comfortable publicly discussing their failures that happened two years ago but not two days ago. Our goal is help you to recognize it in “real time,” so that when you’re going through the passage, you can capitalize on its ability to help you learn and grow as a leader.