The Transcendence Model

I call it the Transcendence Model because it explains why we act the way we do and helps us move beyond this behavior, freeing us to be fulfilled and productive. Here it is in its simplest form.

What the Transcendence Model Explains

People are, by nature, very insecure . They spend a great deal of their time seeking security and avoiding more insecurity. These activities give rise to the behavioral tendencies we examined in Part I of this book, such as worrying, seeking to control, and deflecting blame. There is nothing inherently wrong with these and other similar tendencies, unless a person finds them troubling. Spending less time seeking security and avoiding insecurity reduces how often people suffer from feelings of insecurity.

What the Transcendence Model Predicts

The Transcendence Model predicts how individuals will respond to various stimuli and how their behavior will be perceived by other people on the job or at home.

The Transcendence Model as a Tool

Think of the model as a direction pointer. For example, if you wonder why you are behaving a certain way, ask yourself, ˜˜How does this apparently problematic behavior manifest my insecurity? Then you have a sense of direction. The model assumes that everyone who regrets a frequent behavior or has a recurring, unwanted feeling is insecure. To go even deeper, the model prompts the questions, ˜˜What am I insecure about? and ˜˜What is the feeling that underlies my insecurity?

And if you ask yourself, ˜˜How can I be less insecure? the model will suggest that, in addition to addressing the current source of your insecurity, you accept insecurity as part of your humanity. Life is insecure and you are busy avoiding your insecurity.

The model does not come from a single source. It reflects what I have learned through my own reading, my education in philosophy and psychology, my personal therapeutic and meditative experiences, dialogues with colleagues, and, of course, dialogues with clients. In fact, I am positive that I have learned as much from clients as I have from all the other sources combined. Each coaching relationship gives me and the client the opportunity to explore humanity. Not one client has bored me and not one single problem has ever seemed like the ˜˜same old thing. Even if the category of problem is repetitive, the circumstances are always different. And one persons pain is unique to that one person.

Nor has the model been tested in an academic or scientific fashion, though certain aspects of it have gained some degree of academic credibility. For example, cognitive therapy is an accepted therapeutic model that says people can deal with their psychological problems by understanding the thoughts and beliefs underlying their moods and behaviors. Principles of this accepted thinking have made it into my coaching methods and into this book.

What I know for sure is that the model has worked very effectively as a tool to guide me through my coaching conversations and to help my clients make great progress.

You know how sometimes its a simple thought or question that unlocks a task? Lets say, for example, that you have to give a big presentation and you dont know how to organize your thoughts. So you ask an experienced presenter for some advice. That person says, ˜˜Well, keep in mind that the audience members are always asking themselves , ˜Whats in this for me? If you organize your thoughts around answering that question, then youve won half the battle. Suddenly you have a place from which to begin your preparations .

In the same way, the Transcendence Model helps you sort out what is going on in your mind when something is bothering you. It is a tool to get you started in understanding the various types of people with whom you work. The model is meant to be a tool to help you begin and to make progress when you are stuck.

Once you get started, you might veer away from the model. Thats okay. The principles described here are too simple to represent the entirety of what you are wrestling with. The model will not answer all of your questions but it will point you in a fruitful direction. It has never failed me as a coach and as a person who has had his own struggles with things like worrying, seeking to control, and desiring the notice of others.

Consider a man named Edward who came to me because he wasnt sure whether he should stay in his job or not. He explained that he questioned himself on a daily basis. He said that he had left a great job for his current role as a vice president of marketing for a medium- size chain of hardware stores. The problem was that he was working for an ˜˜egocentric control freak, as he put it. Should he change again? Should he put up with his boss? These were his presenting questions.

Edward and I explored how his boss made him feel. The model told us to go there. His answer was that his boss made him feel ˜˜small. His style was invalidating . Through further coaching sessions, Edward concluded that his sense of self-worth was too dependent on the esteem others had for him. The model took us there. Fine. But he left the job anyway because he found it unfulfilling. In other words, the model helped him find out what was pushing his buttons , but it also directed his attention to questions about what he really wanted. It could not predict that he was bored. That was something he discovered just by shining a light on the whole array of issues facing him.

The model takes people to deeper psychological and existential realities. You may ask, ˜˜Why do I need to explore my deepest fears if I am simply trying to be a less controlling person? Or, ˜˜Why does overcoming worry mean that I have to think of when I felt insecure as a child? Isnt coaching about survival tips rather than a therapeutic foray into anguish? My answer to these questions is that survival tips dont usually work in the long run. They are like carbohydrates, initially satisfying but quickly burned off. The goal of understanding ourselves requires going further than tips can take you. It requires transcending your personal paradigm in order to see yourself in a new, perhaps broader perspective, sparking more informed choices.