EMOTIONAL TERRORISM

Emotional Terrorism: "Domestic terrorism that uses human feelings for ammunition ." (Hawkins-Mitchell, 2001).

Emotional Terrorism is everywhere. It can be found in homes , churches , synagogues, shopping centers, Parent-Teachers Association meetings, city council meetings, and anywhere that people live, work and play. Emotional Terrorism at work is a significant risk. International and domestic terrorism are now factored into business risk management. Emotional Terrorism must also be seen as risk.

The fact that international or domestic terrorism has emotional roots, (someone is very, very upset about something) should immediately translate into the awareness that Emotional Terrorism is a constituent of these other forms of terrorism. Perhaps one way to discuss Emotional Terrorism at the workplace is to describe it as Big Terrorism's little cousin. Nevertheless, the agenda of either BIG or LITTLE terrorism is the same: control through the use of terror . All terrorists have a common agenda. That agenda is to create fear, chaos, havoc, terror and destruction in any way possible in order to have some sense of control, make a statement, divert attention, or call attention to something.

Mean, evil, bad, horrible, icky, intentionally dangerous, unconscionable, criminal, vile, scary, seductive, dangerous people exist. And they work with you. One very simple and horrifyingly daunting statistic may convince you. It is a statistic that is hidden from public view because of its nature and implications. In the United States, there is at least one registered sex offender for every square mile of earth. This statistic represents ONLY the ones who are registered. What makes you think they do not work with you? Or go to church with you? Or shop at the local market with you? Or sit with you at a PTA meeting? They do. And some of them are reading this book. If this does not get your attention, nothing will. Knowing a statistic like this just is not enough. Protection of the vulnerable from the inherent risks of such dreadful behavior demands much, much more attention. Knowing that this statistic is a reality makes it difficult to continue making good management decisions that are based on a belief that "people are good" and kind. Instincts must be challenged. Nice and trusting instincts do not work when dealing with a sex offender. Their thinking process is completely different from regular people who would never consider harming a child for their own gain. Regular instincts do not work with Emotional Terrorists either. Their thinking process is completely different from regular people who would never consider harming a co-worker for their own gain. Terrorists do not operate by the same rules as regular people.

Emotional Terrorism at Work

Businesses and managers need new language to deal with the ranges of terrorist challenges at work. A disgruntled worker who arrives with a gun is obviously a workplace terrorist. The employee who systematically disembowels someone's reputation through gossip and innuendo is no less destructive. One workplace terrorist will make the nightly news. One will not. Both have far reaching consequences.

Emotional Terrorists are people who have an agenda to destroy the well-being of others using emotionally loaded information, behaviors, innuendoes, direct assaults, inferences, rumors, and language to establish either disruption or decay within a system with no regard to the emotional well-being of others and to the benefit of a personal, albeit private or collective mission of control. Instead of hand grenades and weapons of mass destruction, they use emotions, vulnerabilities, implications, innuendoes, gestures, rumors, subtlety, victimhood, deflection , games and power plays to take territory and cause harm. These are not regular, healthy , well-adjusted or nice people. If you consider the statistics of active sexual predators, criminals, addicts, or untreated mental illness it must make sense to you that statistically you will meet these charming folks at work! Emotional Terrorists do not live in isolation, nor do they wear black hats to identify themselves . Emotional Terrorists have taken some of the least pleasant human attributes, dysfunctions and pathologies and turned them into an art form.

Case Example

The security guard at the shopping center was laughing to himself. The custodian noticed that every time the guard walked around a certain corner, he was chuckling. Finally the custodian asked, "Hey Leo, what's funny ?" Leo looked long and hard at the custodian, and answered , "Nothing man, I'm laughing so I don't go crazy. I was just told that it was now my job to keep tabs on the mall's Santa because he apparently just fondled some kid. A parent complained, but the evidence wasn't specific enough to bust him for one report! So I am trying to manage this by imagining a bunch of us guards taking the Santa down and cuffing him for being a pervert! I have a little girl at home and the idea of her sitting on his lap makes me want to kill him!" The custodian nodded and added, "Yeah, I got in trouble here at work because I used a curse word last week, and this guy can have little girls on his lap for his pleasure all day long."

Learning Byte

An Emotional Terrorist counts on your innocence, ignorance and naivete to groom you for their own agenda. The only place you can see Emotional Terrorism is in its effect. And the effect of Emotional Terrorism in the workplace is emotional spinning. This real example of an Emotional Terrorist at the work site is disturbing . Situations like this ” and worse ” do happen. How would you manage the guard's emotions if you were his manager? What if you were the custodian's manager? What if you were the Santa's manager?

DO THIS : Know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Emotional Terrorists are counting on your denial to keep their secret.

DON'T : Let Emotional Terrorists hold you or anyone else emotionally hostage. Shine a light on them so they can scurry back into the shadows and play nice with everyone else, or go somewhere else.

Emotional Terrorists maintain control over people by holding them hostage inside their own illusions of power and control. Terrorists do not feel obliged to live within the framework of regular society. Think about how someone might hold a company hostage emotionally.

 

Case Example

Dear Dr. Hawkins Mitchell, I had an employee in a very responsible position in back-office management with my medical assistants and production. This employee was constantly setting little traps or setting off small incendiary emotional bombs that would go off regularly and disrupt production, set one assistant against another, or position herself to be a hero to repair the damage. These deliberate acts caused so much chaos and trouble that it was difficult to access just who the culprit was. After your Emotional Terrorism Consultation, I learned how to detect this kind of behavior and created a concise exit procedure for anyone with this kind of destructive personality. This had gone on for approximately six months before the consultation and afterwards I was able to see how this very large problem created conflict in my small office of seven. We had conflict because every day this employee created conflict. During her interview, she had lied about her ex-employer in such a creative way that I did not even bother checking her references. I was totally taken in by the "nice" woman . When I did call her previous employer after I fired her, that employer shared that she had treated him and his other employees in the same manner.

The last incident that I observed was one in which she was working diligently to destroy group morale during coffee breaks by berating my best producer. It finally came to my attention when this very valuable employee nearly quit. Finally, I had observed enough and documented enough of the other disruptive behaviors to know the difference between what she said and what she actually did behind the scenes. With the termination of this disruptive employee, an Emotional Terrorist, the office has returned to a very peaceful environment. Thank you for the consultation, it continues to work!

Sincerely, Dr. Smith

Learning Byte

This "nice" doctor took the risk to see his employee as more than just a problem. She was more than a troublemaker. She was an individual who enjoyed disruption. There are people who get disease and there are people who are carriers of disease. Interestingly enough, carriers do not get the symptoms and do not appear sick. In fact, compared with the reactions to these individuals, they may look good! This Emotional Terrorist went from job to job carrying disruption and chaos. After talking with the doctor, he had continued to track her movements in the community, and discovered that she had a long history of being at jobs for only a few months and leaving a trail of very expensive chaos. The lesson this doctor learned was that being "nice" to children and pets is one thing. Being nice as a CEO was an error. He had to sacrifice some of his valued niceness to become slightly more aware that some employees are not nice and therefore do not respond to nice interventions.

DO THIS : While maintaining your kind heart, find a way to temporarily put your "niceness" aside in order to stay safe. Learn the difference between being nice and being compassionately smart.

DON'T : Put yourself at risk.

 

As a malignant tumor that does not respond to chemotherapy may require removal, the only rational option for an Emotional Terrorist who does not respond to appropriate 'nice' interventions that would get the attention of nice people may be amputation: removal through termination. Transferring the employee simply moves the malignancy elsewhere as a stopgap. Eventually the disease will appear elsewhere in the system. The Roman Catholic Church has recently become aware of how a simple logistical relocation of a priest who has sexually exploited children does not end the problem. Moving an offender to a different diocese work site is a stopgap response that is ineffective when someone is an offender. Their behavior goes with them. The same is true with even a less severe representation of Emotional Terrorist. There comes a time when it does not serve the company to keep a malignant person employed. Managers must be the ones to track the effects of one employee on others.

Attributes and Behaviors of the Emotional Terrorist

There are at least seven principle attributes of Emotional Terrorists. The difficulty is that as soon as a perpetrator reads these, they are quite capable of rearranging the criteria for their own purposes. Emotional Terrorists are experts at using information to deny accountability, manipulate a vulnerable person or situation, educate others in their ways, groom new victims or recruits, litigate to gain position, or defend their own threatened innocence. That is the bad news. The good news is that the following attributes are impossible to disguise over time. A persistently neutral, businesslike, pleasant, courteous, and boundaried approach to an Emotional Terrorist just drives them nuts. If they cannot control a situation, they can adapt, migrate or change.

1. ENTITLEMENT

Most healthy and dysfunctional people work at growing and evolving appropriate self-esteem to a point where they can realize that they are good and indeed deserve good things in life. Emotional Terrorists take that normative behavior and escalate the healthy idea of deserving to another level. They not only deserve, they are entitled well and beyond anyone else. Where the idea of "I want and deserve good things" can lead to appropriate self care and compassion to others, entitlement leans toward justification and rigid self-aggrandized thinking which affords permission to "take from" someone else in order to get the deserved or entitled goal, object, or outcome.

Entitlement is subsidized by a sense of personal victimhood, real or perceived. Entitlement rationalizes the accumulation of property, territory, or rights from someone else as perfectly correct within the context of its own motives for control. Entitlement thinking creates a cause-and-effect thinking structure that does not include external data. For example, an Emotional Terrorist will not consider the needs or wants of someone else because their agenda, cause, or motives are a bit, or a lot, more justified. Victimhood is increased and entitlement leads to increased accumulation needs. This sort of victimhood may begin with a real event or loss, but it is perpetuated and increased beyond the realm of true victims. Some individuals or groups actually work out contrived victimhood for litigated dollars. It is not unheard of that someone with a whiplash injury may not truly be injured. In certain parts of Asia in the 1970s, it was not unheard of for locals to throw themselves in front of automobiles of Americans and then claim entitlement to life-long financial support. Opportunists are not victims.

True victims are people without choices. Someone who is hit by a car is a victim. If you were molested as a young child or adolescent, you were a victim. This kind of victimhood is nonnegotiable because children do not have the power to choose. People and survivors who are true victims generally make every human effort possible to move away from victimhood status, away from self-entitlement and the identification of vulnerability.

Example of Differences in Motives for Wanting a Day Off

• Wanting : I want a day off, because I have worked hard.

• Deserving : I deserve a day off, because I have worked hard.

• Entitlement : I work harder than anyone else does, so I am entitled to time off. I have special rights. I'll get my manager to let me have next Tuesday off. I don't care that Susan is at her mother's funeral that day. Who takes care of me? After all, didn't I bring donuts last month? What did I get for that?

• Emotional Terrorism Entitlement : I don't deserve this treatment, why should I do all the work when I can get Mary to do it for me and I'm out of here? I'm entitled to extra time off and since I have Mary under my control, I think while I'm at it I will make it look like she isn't working as hard as I am. So, she can work for me and take the rap for me later. And if the manager doesn't give me the day off I'll start telling people he's having an affair.

2. BULLETPROOF

Being bulletproof is an interesting term that finds its psychological origins in topics of addiction . Addicts are said to be "bulletproof" when their disease has taken the normal course of decay to the point where they have a belief that they can do anything without consequence. Addicts who are reaching advanced stages of their disease might think they can drive under the influence and not get caught because they are too smart, or are safe from reproach due to their " cleverness " and ability to "handle their liquor" or know when to stop. Such behaviors are typical of those used by people who are operating with a sense of entitlement. The distorted thinking suggests to them a level of immunity not held by "normal" people. Somehow, they become outside the laws of social norms and even nature.

Being bulletproof in it most nonproductive form typically shows itself in the later stages of addiction, criminal activity, and Emotional Terrorism. A somewhat milder form of being bulletproof is seen in first responders who think they can survive what "normies" or civilians cannot even handle on TV. They run into burning buildings, take down violent thugs, clean up blood and guts off highways, and leap buildings in a single bound. In this career, it is necessary and useful to have a level of this thinking to act and survive out in the field of their "work site." This overlay of capacity is called "image armor ." Cops and Firefighters carry a lot of it. They are allowed!

Bulletproof is something different. Bulletproof is when people, including those with image-armor, push that thinking too far, to a point beyond which they take risks that are not reasonable to take. Bulletproof people believe they are beyond the domain of what "regular" people must accept. Law enforcement and fire service professionals with image armor survive in severely risky situations. But if they see themselves a bulletproof they may put themselves and others on their team at risk.

At the workplace, bulletproof employees are somehow mysteriously special, unique and above all, unquestionably correct. They truly believe they are untouchable. For example, a bulletproof employee might blatantly steal and brag about it. They are so convinced of their unique status that they try to eliminate anything that does not fit into their picture. Anything that threatens that picture or threatens their sense of being bulletproof, is suspect and dangerous, and must usually be eliminated. Bulletproof employees are beyond the scope of social behaviors, morals, taboos, expectations, guidelines, laws, and the other rights and comforts of others humans . They do not really think that the rest of the universe is much of their concern. Bulletproof people consider themselves untouchable and are completely surprised when consequences arrive .

The term Greeks used for bulletproof thinking was hubris . Hubris is an inappropriately escalated level of pride that precedes a mighty fall to humiliation. When employees start thinking they are bulletproof, immune, safe, or untouchable, trouble is not far behind. Most regular human beings know they are mortal and fallible and are concerned and thoughtful when taking dangerous risks. Someone who is bulletproof has a different approach to risk.

The early signs of Emotional Terrorism can start with a small level of hubris. The lowest level of hubris belongs to people who are just simply obnoxiously arrogant . These people are not Emotional Terrorists unless they impose non-consensual agendas on others based on their sense of entitlement and arrogance . Emotional Terrorists evolve the level of their hubris to risk taking. Over a period of time they will take increasingly bigger risks. They may start with verbalizing more entitlement, rising to a sense of not caring how their behaviors effect others, until they see themselves as more and more omniscient and omnipotent, and begin to carry an odd sort of rigid new rules about themselves which allow them to do things that are over-the-top. At first the behaviors may possibly look brave and useful. Then, as the behaviors become more rigid, the individual is less approachable, less malleable, and less willing to be "managed" by anyone else.

Examples of Workplace Bulletproof Behaviors:

• An active alcoholic or addict who drives a company car while under the influence

• A cyber-hacker who keeps at it, thinking he/she won't be caught

• Having an affair with a co-worker, practicing unprotected sex and hoping not to get HIV or that it will affect working conditions

• Coming to work intoxicated

• Using a work computer for pornography

• Using company resources for personal gain and assuming no one will know

• Assuming terrorism only happens to the other guy

3. ANTAGONISTIC

Antagonistic behaviors are the natural consequences of conflict between forces or tensions ” a pulling apart of substances where that pulling diminishes one side. Antagonism is hostile . Emotional Terrorists create an atmosphere of tension and conflict that is almost palpable, even when hidden behind polite behaviors. In fact, an overlay of polite on top of a depth of antagonism is standard fare for the Emotional Terrorist. Home ground is overt courtesy with an undertone of something miserable and angry .

Passive- aggressive behaviors are antagonistic. Antagonism is a bit like a game to an Emotional Terrorist. It is the playing field where people are vulnerable. Set up an antagonistic dynamic and watch the fun! An antagonist especially enjoys finding people who are vulnerable and pushing them a little bit until they are just slightly emotionally off balance. They then shrug their shoulders and say, "Gee I didn't know you were so sensitive." Or they tease someone and say, "Oh, I'm just kidding, that was a joke. Don't you have a sense of humor?" Or they like to stir up anger in a group, tease someone, belittle, or just act in an edgy sort of way that keeps the general tension up. This makes it much less boring for the antagonist. They have an amazing capacity to keep conflict going even in the midst of peacemakers. They use direct or indirect methods , whichever work best.

Antagonism is often directed at management. This is different then normal whining and moaning about management. An Emotional Terrorist will use antagonism to stir up the emotions of others. Claiming that someone else has to be the "problem" of all the tension in the office will effectively deflect accountability away from himself or herself and onto someone else. It is a good trick. When people are suspicious and nervous, the terrorist has taken some ground. "Antagonists are individuals who, on the basis of non-substantive evidence, go out of their way to make insatiable demands, usually attacking the person or performance of others. These attacks are selfish in nature, tearing down rather than building up, and are frequently directed against those in a leadership capacity" (Haugk, 1988).

4. ENTRENCHED

Emotional Terrorists do not quit. They do not back down. They dig their heels in for the long haul and take a position that is fixed and unshakable. Flexibility and negotiation are not the domains of Emotional Terrorists. They are deeply rooted in their positions rather than shared interests. Whereas individuals may be narcissistic, selfish, self-centered, or egotistical, the Emotional Terrorist goes beyond these personal interest behaviors. They take such self-indulgences and raise them to a level of "cause." In international terrorism, individuals have been known to participate in suicide or homicide in the name of a particular cause. Emotional Terrorists at the work site symbolically mimic this in their willingness to sacrifice others for their rigid belief system, and see themselves as martyrs in the process.

Entrenchment is easily recognizable in a discussion. You may be offering ideas and concepts for negotiation, and someone who is entrenched in their position will not budge. In fact, they will not bend. In mediations, the entrenched person will rarely even see that there is a workable solution for all. This is not a concept that fits within the realms of entrenchment. Entrenchment is more all-or-nothing, win-lose, with-us-or-against-us thinking. Most healthy people will eventually apologize, open up, bend, flex, leave, cry, stop, laugh , move on, or adjust in some way. In other words, they will make movement. Emotional Terrorists will move only to regroup their agenda and hit it from another angle. An Emotional Terrorist does not let anything deter from their goal of control of something, someone, or somewhere.

Case Example

Dear Dr. Vali, Barb's attitude had always been curt, but it had escalated over the last few years . We had worked on the same big public project several times, and the last time I was her manager. She offended the client and staff and so it was decided that it would be the last year she was put on the project. She was gently informed through what I call a "soft message." In as positive a frame as possible, I let her know that it was apparent she no longer enjoyed this assignment and would be relieved of it. I let her know that we wanted her to be comfortable and that the plan was to find her another assignment to do something that she liked better. She left the meeting and it felt positive. Apparently, her first stop after our meeting was to tell a vulnerable staff member, Lois, that she had been "fired." Lois was crushed and believed that managers had betrayed Barb. For the next several months, Lois was consumed by her emotions and spent several hours a day ruminating. As her manager, I did not know the connection and was confused by Lois' sudden emotional demise.

Barb's attitude did not improve and in fact started to deteriorate. She e-mailed lengthy complaints to the rest of the staff that outlined her unfair treatment. This was a surprise to everyone since no one had been in on the situation. Everyone became upset. Now everyone was stirred up. My manager informed me that I had to inform Barb that she had to "mend relationships." Barb's response was an interesting decision to not speak with anyone. This lasted for over nine months. If a work- related task involved speaking, she was excruciatingly sparse with words, and there were no exchanges of what I would call normal talk. If she walked down the hall and someone said "hello," she would not respond. My manager and I spent countless hours trying to ameliorate this tension.

The process for firing people in our company is too daunting to use easily. HR tried using mediation but lost neutrality and became a covert agent for Barb who was able to deflect her anger in blame. Our HR person became an ally for her and started to add to the tension by taking sides. Trying to avoid the discomfort and conflict, the entire team avoided Barb in the hallways or meetings. Managers were now spending two to three hours a day trying to deal with the "emotional debris caused by this emotional tornado " that blew through every day. In all honesty, I had some personal "intuition" a year earlier but did not want to sound like an alarmist so now I felt awful for not speaking up earlier.

One of my acquaintances is a counselor, and at another meeting I found myself spilling out my distress. I told him the whole story about Barb's snit and explained that this communications company had over 4,000 employees with no policy for impaired employees unless they were "bleeding from the eyes, or directly caught drunk or using drugs." The counselor suggested that behavior at work that included nine months of no speaking was more than a "snit." He said it was entrenched behavior and Barb was holding the company hostage. The counselor recommended that a don't-make-waves policy was not doing anyone a service and suggested that perhaps this employee was in need of care. The suggestion that Barb needed help was never considered. The possibility that she might harm herself or someone else had never been considered. The counselor asked if there was an EAP policy in place. I told him there was, but it had to be called in by the HR person who "didn't want to bother anyone." When asked how much of Barb's dramatic avoidance behaviors had affected the team, I said, "At first we were consumed by it, and now we barely care." My manager just thought she was obnoxious and my feelings about her were more emotional. I was beginning to hate this woman! My counselor friend suggested that Barb was entrenched in something, which is beyond the normal scope of an acute (short term) temper tantrum, emotional outburst, hurt feeling, snit, or disappointment. Quite honestly, I had never considered that perhaps Barb was impaired rather than just an "obnoxious person."

I have decided to take your advice and look at this from a different angle. I never thought about Emotional Terrorist before and now, with that and what my counselor friend said, I am seeing a different picture. I am planning on meeting with my manager and discussing it with her. Sincerely, Maureen

 

5. MULTI-TALENTED

Managers need new ideas, new tools, and new ways of seeing people because Emotional Terrorists are always thinking up new ways to create chaos. International and domestic terrorists like to catch people who are asleep on the job or not paying attention. Emotional Terrorists are no different. They will create, re-create, and turn themselves inside out to achieve their agenda. Emotional Terrorists have to be multi-talented, with many diverse skills to accomplish their mission. This is why as a manager you need to be more talented then the Emotional Terrorist. Look at the following list of tools and techniques available to an Emotional Terrorist and consider what you might have to have in your toolkit or emotional arsenal to manage these workplace challenges. The annoying thing about preparing for terrorism of any kind is the necessity of having to see things through their eyes. Knowing that ethical people cannot see through unethical eyes any more than a sane person can see through they eyes of someone who is mentally ill, managers must still begin the tedious process of thinking beyond their own niceness to find creative solutions and risk preventions.

Tools and Techniques of an Emotional Terrorist

• Lying to a supervisor or co-worker

• Tampering with files or documents

• Harassment

• Use or misuse of company resources

• Knowledge of schemes or practices that take advantage of the company

• Requests for confidential information

• Sharing and withholding information

• Access or control over proprietary information

• Rumors and gossip

• Contributing or withholding support to individuals or key team members

• Time card reports falsified or inaccurate

• Inaccuracies

• Inappropriate acceptance of gifts, gratuities, entertainment

• Manipulation of data

• Security tampering

• Overt theft

• Manipulated expense reports

• Failure to follow through

• Incomplete tasks

• Abandonment of tasks

• Selling or marketing business practices

• Conflicts of interest

• Substance abuse

• Insider information abuse

• Unethical recruitment practices

• Downplaying public safety

• Unnecessary trainings and time-consuming meetings followed by consequences for tasks not finished

• Maintaining only minimum legal or code compliances

• Inappropriate responses to reports of danger, whistle -blowing, or common knowledge

• Poorly managed customer relations

• Corporate spying , losses of security, disclosure of security information

• Accepting or making inappropriate political contributions per industry standards

• Price fixing, gauging, hoarding

• Ignoring laws about immigration

• Not abiding by drug laws

• Avoiding tax laws

• Corruption of public officials or private individuals

• Dangerous sexual practices

• Using company technology to further addictions, crime, or sabotage

• Antitrust violations

• Creating pressure which leads to the misconduct of others

6. ABLE TO ATTRACT INNOCENT SUPPORTERS

Emotional Terrorists count on innocent nice people to further their causes. They use their many skills, tools and techniques to accomplish this. Emotional Terrorists are sometimes seen as heroic to the na ve. They become the gallant spokespersons for the truth, often seen as brave activists, guides or gurus. They project themselves as victims, and innocent people are often gullible to this line and are hooked into the martyred cause for justice . Anarchists, fascists, and dictators have used this ploy throughout history to get other people to do their dirty work so they can remain the pure hero or heroine. Some people have personalities that lead them to be followers who cannot or will not think for themselves. Others are afraid, passive, lack imagination , short sighted, or bored. Some people follow leaders without question. Other people join Emotional Terrorists to create a spin and have no idea that they have been exploited. Emotional Terrorists have a talent for recruitment by making their followers feel special, entitled and eventually bulletproof. Of course, it is the Emotional Terrorist that maintains control over the one flack jacket, parachute or life ring, but does not hesitate to volunteer someone else to step into the line of fire, jump first or swim through the sharks first. Thinking how people respond to group energy explains how Emotional Terrorist can be contagious and symbolically, as well as occasionally literally, fatal to the follower. The Emotional Terrorist does not mind sacrificing the employment or reputation of someone else to maintain his or her own job. If a manager is a leader an Emotional Terrorist may not hesitate to do whatever they think is necessary to erode that position of authority.

7. CHARISMATIC OR TRAGIC

Two powerful methods that Emotional Terrorists use to attract supporters are the demonstration of charm and sadness. Charisma calls on the weak by suggesting a special luckiness if the charismatic person accepts their presence. Luck will somehow rub off and special good feelings are assumed a next small step away. Disenfranchised employees will seek strength from anywhere if they feel the ship is sinking. Managers need to find ways to be attracting and appealing leaders to counterbalance the exploitive charismatic appeal of Emotional Terrorists.

Tragic or sad performance from Emotional Terrorists appeal to helpers, lost nurturers, co-dependents, and the need-to-feel-needed people. The charms of an Emotional Terrorist who drops a head, sighs, tries to talk and doesn't finish a sentence, sits a bit apart from the group, rubs a forehead, leaves early, asks questions that have no clear answers, raises their hand to ask a question ” then when called on says, "never mind, it wasn't important," and generally appears sad, are compelling. These and other behaviors draw energy toward the Emotional Terrorist. Remember, an Emotional Terrorist does not really want to share, partner or collaborate. They may appear to be inclusively charismatic or inclusively needing constant help, but the purposes behind these activities are self-focused and exploitive. Charisma and tragic behaviors are extremely deniable by the Emotional Terrorist. Charisma denial is characterized by "I was just helping" and tragic denial is characterized by "I just was trying to get some help." The word "just" is the tipoff. A sentence that begins with "just" is usually associated with either entitlement or denouncement of accountability.

8. HOSTAGE TAKERS

Emotional Terrorists take people and workplaces hostage. When people are held emotionally captive at the work site because they have to be there from nine to five, the risk potential for Emotional Terrorism elevates. The work site is a perfectly constructed container for chaos because no one can leave. An Emotional Terrorist will use this captive audience to pull off an emotional incident, then sit, and watch the consequences unfold like a soap opera they are writing themselves. Think of this as an "emotional drive-by shooting" where the victims cannot even call for help or run away. And tomorrow it may happen again because that Emotional Terrorist is going to be at the work site again. Hapless employees in this drama may not even know they roles they have been assigned until they are given a script from the Emotional Terrorist. The cast assignments of good guys and bad guys, heroes, heroines and villains when written by the Emotional Terrorist instead of the manager make the director of the show in question. Who is writing the script in your department? Who is running the show? Can anyone get out of the work site hostage environment long enough to get a new perspective? Are doors open?

Warning Signs of Emotional Terrorism Activities

• Intangible feelings, hunches, intuitions, sense, or opinion that something is "going on" with no specific data to confirm or deny

• Grooming: a systematic, unnatural approach to relationship control that appears upon close scrutiny to be contrived and gainful

• Contact escalations: interactions get more frequent

• Early spinnings: small emotional events increase

• Covert works: reports of trouble without evidence

• Rejection of approach: suggestion of problems met with resistance, denial

• Early signs of entrenchment: rigidity

• Overt signs: visible tensions and emotional reactions with no real data

• Accusations: blame statements or inferences

• Side Attacks: indirect blame, accusations, complaints

• Overt visible behaviors: demonstrations and activities, documentable data

• Gathering of forces: small or large groups spending time processing issues

• Direct attacks: specific demonstrations, behaviors and complaints

• Ultimatums: provocations, challenges

• Threats: intimidation , pressure, bullying , coercion

• Repetition: Continuing or repeating any or all earlier signs, even with increased risk, in order to demonstrate a willingness to continue for absolute control

The Gotchas

The Gotchas are verbal clues that an emotional process is going on in your midst. Managers are trained to see the obvious signs of annoyance, discomfort, dissatisfaction, and outright trauma or catastrophic emotional incident. The Emotional Terrorist is also trained or aware of these, and finds it more useful to work "under the radar" with more subtle language. The language of Emotional Terrorism is easily deniable with an innocent laugh, distraction or direct lie. Remember, Emotional Terrorists do not hold to the same accountability as the regular employee, so a lie is not an issue if it will further their cause. Lies come in all sorts of language and form. The Gotchas are lies with strings attached. The strings are a leftover feeling of guilt, shame, discomfort, and confusion often attached to a need to defend or attack. Even the so-called positive grooming statement has an edge of something sticky that just does not hold true.

Gotchas

1. After all, you are my new best friend

2. Ha! Ha! I caught you in an error

3. You are the most special person in the world

4. Everywhere I go people don't get it

5. I won't stop until I get what I want

6. What will it take to get you on board?

7. I'm watching you no matter what until you fail

8. I'm an expert and you are not

9. Righteous indignation

10. I'm a victim of all this

11. You aren't going to share this with anyone, are you?

12. I was just joking, what's wrong with your sense of humor?

13. Can't you take a joke?

14. Maybe you're too sensitive

15. I have the ear of the boss and can tell him what you want

16. I thought we were close friends , but obviously not

17. Promise you won't tell anyone this

18. If you tell anyone this I'll get fired (you'll get fired)