Good Mental Hygiene

Try to project yourself into the following situations:

• A colleague shoots down your idea for a marketing campaign in front of your boss. What do you say?

• You are disappointed by what you feel is an unfair performance review. How do you react?

• An explicit joke makes you uncomfortable. How do you respond?

• Your boss suddenly informs you that he needs you to work during the week of your family vacation that has been planned for 6 months. How do you handle it?

Every situation, even the seemingly insignificant interactions, offers an opportunity to choose behaviors that enhance or diminish a composure rating.

The key to keeping your cool is to become less reactive and impulsive in your interactions with others. You have to keep your emotional brain from overpowering your thinking brain. Leaders can identify, using the preceding continuum of emotions, the level at which they know they become close to reacting in a way that might seem less than composed. When, in their day-to-day interactions with others, they reach that level on the emotional continuum, they should train themselves to flip an internal switch that says, “Be calm and be careful.”

Consider adopting one or all of the following actions to remain composed during emotional highs:

Put some air in your lungs. People who meditate concentrate on their breathing to remain focused, calm, and centered. You don’t have to be a yogi to experience the same benefits.

Wait a minute. You can even say, “I need a moment to think about this.” Doing so not only gives you time to choose a reaction (instead of being impulsive), but it also alerts those around you that the situation deserves your full attention.

Think “slow and low.” Before you say a word, choose your voice level. In difficult moments, opt for a low and well modulated tone, and speak more slowly than usual.

Imagine what others might be feeling. This not only helps you choose an intelligent response, but it also moves the focus away from what you are feeling and could diminish some of the intensity of your emotion.

Frame a response without “red flag” words. While emotions are peaking, it is best to choose bland, safe language. Stay away from loaded words such as always, never, stupid, or ridiculous, which tend to weaken your points, not strengthen them.

Consider putting off a resolution. Communication laden with emotion rarely produces good solutions. If you can, take time to collect yourself before resolving the situation. If a decision has to be made immediately, consider asking, “What do you think should happen?” It is not only inclusive, but it could generate an option you may not have thought about.

Also be aware that a lack of composure is indicated not only in overreactions to emotions but also in frequent mood shifts. A Seattle police chief had a sign on his desk that said, “My Mood Changes Without Notice,” and according to his direct reports, this was indeed true. If they had to bring him bad news, sometimes he reacted with, “Thank you very much for letting me know,” and other times he would blow up.

What do you think people will say about you if

On Some Days You . . .	On Other Days You . . .
Insist on doing things one way.	Do things differently.
Compliment colleagues.	Badmouth them.
Encourage long, chatty interludes.	Abruptly cut people off.
Let deadlines or punctuality slide.	Explode when someone is late.
Joke and tease.	Growl and sulk.

They probably will call you something like “moody” or “unpredictable.” Different behavior from one day to another confuses people, even unnerves them, and inconsistency can breed doubt and distrust. People do not like to be surprised all the time when it comes to a leader’s moods. A degree of predictability and consistency in behavior is preferred.