If You Work with a Fake

Of course, it would be a little presumptuous to go around diagnosing people as ˜˜fakes. Indeed, if we are all fakes in some way, then it would be smart to look at ourselves before applying the label to others. Nobody needs to be reminded of their fraudulence. They either want help with it or they dont.

If you work with someone who consciously misleads people, or who exhibits regular bad faith (e.g., doesnt confront when they know they should), or who doesnt feel that the job they have or the work they do or the applause they receive is warranted, or who is not really in touch with their feelings, then:

• Be as nonjudgmental as you can be. That is, dont behave as though their fakery is wrong. It is not up to you to judge them. We all exhibit bad faith or fakery. Its built right into the experience of being awake on the planet. Were talking here about recognizing ourselves, not judging ourselves. When the fakery is on the table, you pretty much have to say, whether to the person or to yourself, ˜˜Thats okay. Isnt it great to get that out!

• See breaking through fakery as simply making the implicit explicit. As a matter of definition, people glide over their bad faith without even knowing it. You are merely stopping time, trying to get a person to slow down and become aware of the thoughts between their thoughts.

Shining a light on a certain fakery means to spot inconsistencies in thoughts, statements, values, and behaviors. For example, if someone says Percy is unacceptably late all the time, yet he doesnt talk to Percy about it, you could bring value by asking why. This simple request for clarification points the way. With a certain willingness on the other persons part, you simply have to stay focused on the why until the essential admission of inconsistency pops out.

When people acknowledge an inconsistency and express some discomfort with it, you offer them a gift when you invite them to accept the inconsistency and make commitments around resolving it. In fact, it is good to accept the validity of both perspectives. For example, someone might say, ˜˜On the one hand, I have failed at many aspects of my job and so I dont feel I deserve the job, while on the other hand, the people around me treat me like Im doing a great joband I feel terrible about the whole mess. That could be your cue to help. In this case you ask what could be done to resolve the inconsistency. The person will find relief from exposing some of her limitations and acknowledging her sincere effort to succeed.