The Basic Formula

The basic formula works like this: When there is a split between how you behave and how you think you ought to behave, you feel some kind of angst. One side of the split is usually public and one side is usually private. You may or may not be aware of the private side. The trick is to become aware of the private side and ˜˜own it. Often it is good to own it publicly .

It is no surprise that this split arises in people. I think there is a basic duality that derives from the nature of consciousness. On the one hand, we have the way things are, the ˜˜what is, while on the other hand there is the way we want them to be, the ˜˜what ought to be. It seems that people go back and forth between operating in these two modes of ˜˜is and ˜˜ought.

Businesspeople frequently confuse this distinction. Often in meetings one party will be talking about what is the present reality and another will be talking just about what they want the situation to be . For example, in my own company we talk about customizing training programs. The marketing leader laments how we just arent good enough at it yet. An operations person declares he knows how we should do it. The conversation goes around and around until somebody steps in and says: Okay, lets sort out these views in terms of how we are now, how we want to be, and what we have to do to realistically fill the gap.

There are many pairs of words in the English language that reflect these two poles of is and ought. A person can be realistic or optimistic, practical or idealistic, expediency based or principled , descriptive or normative. Indeed, the notion of being a fake itself implies this same tension between what one really is versus what one thinks one ought to be.

Everyone referred to in this chapter wrestled one way or another with the is ought tension. And everyone grew from experiencing what some Buddhists I know would call ˜˜holding both. That is, the resolution of our feelings of fakery comes from accepting both ˜˜this is my situation and ˜˜I aspire to more. Both are true. This is our humanity.