Speaking Honestly As A Leader

Can a person be “too honest”? This is a tricky question. Usually the phrase too honest is a criticism of a person’s delivery rather than of the actual content of a truthful message. Be careful not to fall too far toward “honesty for honesty’s sake.” An extreme example of this would be telling a colleague that his or her presentation was weak because “Well, it was, and I thought she should know.” Before offering “painful truth,” especially when it is unsolicited, ask yourself: Am I giving this person valuable information that will benefit him or her? Is this the right time and place to communicate this information? The truth must be extended in a caring and sensitive way. You must tell the truth responsibly. Honesty without tact can put a dull stain on your good intentions. Being honest is a virtue that pays dividends in trust for companies and individuals, but the truth must be told with care.

A leader’s followers are usually very cognizant of how well he or she tells the truth:

• Janette is a successful regional vice president at a telecommunications provider who gets high marks for being honest but low marks in how she does it. “Janette is not a malicious person,” said one of her employees. “She just regularly demonstrates thoughtlessness.”

• People who work for Tom praised their boss for being honest, communicating directly, and holding people accountable. But he could be a bit more tactful, they said. “He’s a very good leader with a good personality, but in certain situations he is a bit too direct and needs to handle the situation in a more caring way.”

• Giselle, on the other hand, has an approach to honesty that is highly regarded. Her five direct reports sing her praises: “She brings a certain grace to every situation. Without whitewashing the situation, she delivers the truth with an abundance of tact.”

What might your direct reports or peers say about how you deliver the truth? If you are described as “too honest“ or “too direct,” ask someone you trust about what behaviors accompany your delivery of the truth. This is likely where your problem lies.

Two other leaders have just the opposite problem, yet it is one that is probably equally disrespectful:

• Tony is an engineer in charge of laying cable for a telecommunications company. In this competitive industry, Tony faces lots of deadlines and resulting stress. I was hired as a coach to help him communicate “more clearly and concisely” for his monthly presentations to his 16 colleagues. However, I discovered that Tony had a bigger problem. At the end of his presentations, he often was asked questions that made him uncomfortable. And his replies reflected his discomfort: “Well, the answer is yes and no. It’s actually a little of this and a little of that.” Because Tony’s answers were not concrete, people felt that he was being evasive. Tony’s “nonanswers” were eroding his credibility. In his 360-degree report, an employee wrote: “He should be forthcoming with information about the actual situation. If he does, that will build trust. If he doesn’t do that, we think he is hiding the truth.”

• Ken, a vice president at an advertising agency, had good intentions with his employees, but he failed in being honest enough. He was criticized by his direct reports for being “too careful” with his words, even too “politically correct.” We should all choose our words carefully, but Ken took it too far and consequently came across as being evasive and “too indirect.” In coaching Ken, I had to teach him that he could not convince people of his honesty while tiptoeing. Ken had to get comfortable with telling the truth not only to meet the expectations of credibility but also to help cultivate an environment where others feel safe in being honest.

Being honest in a caring and direct way, especially when it is a very difficult thing to do, demonstrates to people that you think enough of them to tell the truth and are not willing to compromise the integrity of the relationship.