Women in the Workplace

Women hold positions at every level in the workplace, from entry-level support staff to division heads to CEOs. They occupy close to 45 percent of the country s management positions , although they make up less than 5 percent of senior executives (Kim 2001, 50).

In general, there are no special instructions for how women should be treated in the workplace; they should be treated the same as men. Most women would strenuously object to being treated special simply because they are female , and would be insulted (at best) to be held to different standards from men. In general, then, the proper way to treat a woman in a particular position in the workplace is the way you would treat a man in that same position. It s especially important, for example, not to automatically expect a woman in the workplace to perform certain tasks that are more closely associated with women outside the workplace, such as arranging the catering for an office event, preparing coffee in the morning, or cleaning up the office kitchen. If these tasks would not be expected of a man holding a particular job, they should not be expected of a woman in that same job.

In the same way, assumptions should not be made about what women should not or cannot do in the workplace based on those tasks women are typically not expected to perform in society at large. Women should not be automatically shielded or somehow protected from men s work, in other words, they should be consulted. Some women, of course, will be quite happy to serve coffee and not have to ask strangers to leave the property; the advice here is to always consult the individual involved (whether man or woman) and not make assumptions based solely on gender.

There is a tradition in some regions of the world, especially in Latin America and the Middle East, to treat women with what might be called elaborate courtesy , such as standing when they enter the room, pulling out their chair when they sit down, opening doors for them, or otherwise treating women as the weaker sex. While some American women may appreciate these courtesies and not be offended, others may find such behavior condescending or patronizing. Men from these regions of the world should not assume that all women will react favorably to these practices.

Sexual harassment (see next section) is an extremely serious issue in the American workplace, and the evidence is clear that many Americans ” to say nothing of non-Americans ” don t fully understand what constitutes harassment. Cultural differences only complicate the matter, of course, and you as a non-American are strongly advised to educate yourself thoroughly on the subject.

Sexual Harassment

The issue of sexual harassment is something of a cultural minefield for non-Americans working in the American workplace. In many cases, behavior that would be appropriate and acceptable or, at the very least, not offensive in your home culture might constitute harassment in the United States. The best rule of thumb here is to be sure you are well informed and very clear about what constitutes harassment on the job in America.

In the broadest sense, harassment is defined as any behavior that creates what is known as a hostile work environment. Actions that fall into this category, according to the legislation, are any offensive behavior[s] that would make an employee uncomfortable and that interfere with their work performance. This definition includes a wide variety of behaviors:

1. Any demand for sexual favors from a superior to a subordinate

2. Any suggestive remarks that strongly imply or state an interest in a sexual encounter or relationship

3. Obscene or lewd comments, jokes, conversations, or non- verbal communication that embarrass, upset, or offend the listener

4. Any inappropriate, unwanted physical contact or touching, other than a handshake

5. Lewd or obscene images displayed in a prominent place or the playing of lewd music within earshot of someone who doesn t want to hear it

6. Compliments that seem to have a sexual overtone

Sexual harassment counselors even advise people who are close friends , who typically embrace, hug, or touch each other when they meet socially , to limit physical contact to a handshake in the workplace.

The definition of harassment notwithstanding, it is a very subjective and personal phenomenon ; what would be considered harassment to one person might be acceptable to another. Moreover, it is often the way something is said or done rather than the actual words or behavior that constitutes harassment. If you have any doubt about whether a particular behavior might constitute harassment, be sure to make inquiries before acting. Sexual harassment is a serious matter.

Meetings

Americans are highly conflicted about meetings; they schedule and attend lots of them ” meetings take up more than half the work week for many professionals ” and they complain about almost all of them. From a cultural perspective, this ambivalence isn t that hard to under- stand; meetings appeal to one key American value, the efficient use of time, and conflict with two others, individualism (meetings are group events) and a strong preference for doing over talking (meetings are almost all talk). For an American, then, the best meetings are those that are not a minute longer than they have to be; almost everything that is good about a good meeting stems from this simple premise .

The first rule of meetings, the so-called send a memo rule, is not to call them if you don t need them. As you plan your meeting, ask yourself if people need to be together in the same room to accomplish what you have in mind. This is especially true of what are known as information meetings, where the main purpose is to inform people of recent developments or decisions, a new procedure or policy, or otherwise make some kind of announcement. If the objective of your meeting could be accomplished just as well in a memo or an e-mail, then it should be. Many meetings are multipurpose, of course, with an information component followed by the give-and-take discussion that does require having people together in the same room. In those instances, be sure to keep the information/announcement part as brief as possible (or better yet, do it ahead of time in a memo).

The next rule about meetings is not to schedule them too soon. Many meetings turn out to be premature; the participants arrive only to dis- cover that before they can do whatever they have been called together to do, someone needs to make a certain decision, certain information has to be collected, or a certain person needs to be consulted on a certain topic. And none of these things has happened yet. These meetings can t really proceed, and they end up wasting a lot of people s time.

The next thing to get right about a meeting is to invite only those people who need to be there. You can only do this if you ve got a very precise agenda and you circulate it to potential attendees ahead of time.

When they see the agenda, they should be able to decide whether they have to attend or if they need to contact you for clarification . If you change the agenda before the meeting, be sure to let everyone know.

It s also a good idea to put times next to each agenda item, indicating how long you think it should take or how much time you re going to allow to discuss that item. Participants may exceed the allotted time by a few minutes, but at least they will know how long they re supposed to be spending on each item and when they ve gone over the limit.

The thing that probably annoys Americans the most at a meeting is when people get off the subject. If you re running the meeting, you have to catch this as soon as you see it happening and stop it immediately; if you re an attendee , be sure to stick to the point. A related danger, and probably the second most annoying thing that can happen at a meeting from the American perspective, is when someone goes on too long about something. Strictly speaking, this person has not gotten off the subject, but he or she is providing much more detail, background information, or context than the rest of the group needs to understand and/or act on the matter under discussion. This transgression of meeting etiquette is harder to detect but no less serious and should never be indulged.

Allowing people to get off the subject and to go on too long about something are the two greatest threats to most meetings and the two most common complaints heard about bad meetings. If you get nothing else about your meeting right, be sure to keep these two things from happening. As far as can be determined, no American has ever complained that a meeting ended too soon.

Keep the meeting moving. Watch the clock carefully (everyone else will be), and keep the meeting on schedule by not exceeding the time for each agenda item. If the time allotted for an item is not realistic, point this out and ask the participants what they want to do now. They can decide to stay on the issue until it is resolved, which will extend the meeting beyond its promised length; they can continue the discussion and drop subsequent items, ending the meeting on time; or they can cut off the discussion, staying on schedule, and agree to have another meeting on this topic. Giving attendees the choice in these cases is always better than simply letting the discussion continue and assuming no one minds if the meeting gets out late. Everyone minds, even those who are the reason it s getting out late!

In his book on leadership, General Perry Smith cites what might be called the 11 am rule" for meetings. Any meeting scheduled for one hour that starts at 11 am almost always finishes on time because most attendees already have lunch plans (2002, 259).

In some cultures meetings are more of a ritual , in the sense that most of what is discussed and decided upon has already been agreed to earlier in a series of one-on-one conversations. The meeting is then something of a formality where details may be talked about but where there is very little serious discussion of anything substantial. This approach is common in more collective, group-oriented cultures where group harmony and saving face are key values, and it is therefore important that disagreements and differences of opinion never become public.

You should know that this is generally not the case in American meetings. While the issues to be discussed have no doubt been talked about before the meeting, one of the primary purposes of most meetings is precisely to give all participants a chance to express their opinions, discuss their differences, and come to an agreement. There is, in short, a great deal of what Americans call give and take at a meeting; participants are expected to openly express their disagreements and to honestly say what they think of each other s opinions and suggestions. They are expected to be polite and not hurt another person s feelings, but they are also expected to say what they think. It is true, of course, that even Americans sometimes pull their punches at meetings, saying what they think other people, especially the higher ups, want to hear.

A final word of warning: the customary cross-cultural advice ” observe closely what the local people do and then try to imitate them ” does not apply in the case of meetings; many Americans aren t very good at running them. Leadership guru Perry Smith has described the American cultural tendency to hold long, undisciplined meetings that yield little useful output ( Rules and Tools for Leaders , 2002, 11). This lack of discipline no doubt stems in part from that low-profile, hands-off management style described earlier, which makes it difficult for Americans to take on the role of the enforcer, a role essential for a good chairperson.

Presentations

Presentations have been alluded to several times in these pages, usually in the context of how important it is to keep them simple and quickly get to the point. These are, in fact, probably the two most important things to keep in mind when designing and delivering a presentation to Americans. Another closely related point is never to forget that when people come to your presentation, they have chosen to turn over some of their extremely limited time to you, so you had better not waste it.

In designing a presentation, remember that less is always more as far as Americans are concerned , meaning you should always err on the side of saying too little rather than too much. The point is not to say everything you know about your topic but only what the audience needs to hear, and an American audience usually only wants to hear enough to be able to make an informed decision about the matter at hand. Generally they don t expect a lot of background information ” about methodology, or about the history of the project, study, or proposal ” or a lot of details. In a presentation, Americans typically want what they call the big picture ; they can always get back to you for more information if they need it (or this information can be provided in handouts for people to read later).

In some cases, of course, understanding the background information is essential to understanding your main points. In those instances, it s always a good idea to state those main points at the beginning of your talk and then present the background information. Unless they see where you re going with your talk, Americans get impatient; if you start with where you re going, they ll relax and pay closer attention.

Keep it practical. By and large the main thing Americans want to hear from you is So what? How does this affect me? What am I supposed to do with or do about what you re telling me? Why am I in this room today listening to you? Americans aren t necessarily interested in knowledge or information for its own sake but more for how they can apply it. Whatever the content of your presentation, whatever points you re going to make in your talk, be sure to explain how the people in the room can use this information when they go back to their desks. In other words, make it personal.

On a closely related matter, keep it concrete. Americans don t relate well to abstractions, theories , concepts, or paradigms . They understand them and their importance, but they respond better to illustrations, examples, statistics ” anything that grounds the abstract in the real and the practical.

Remember: your presentation is about the audience, not about you and your content. Watch your audience very closely; if you see that people are getting it, that they have understood your point, then immediately move on to your next point. The idea is not to say everything you had planned to say, but to say no more than you need to.

Start and end with a bang. The weakest parts of most presentations are those that need to be the strongest: the opening and the closing. For obvious reasons, most presenters carefully prepare the body of their presentation, their main points, and only prepare their opening and closing if they have time. But a strong opening and closing can make all the difference.

You need to get people s attention right away, and the quickest way to do that is to say something very interesting almost immediately. Many speakers begin with the objectives of their presentation, and while these may be marginally important, they certainly aren t interesting. Or they begin with an overview of what they re going to talk about, following the classic (bad) advice of Begin by telling the audience what you re going to tell them. People don t want to know what you re going to say; they want you to start saying it. You should begin with an fascinating story or anecdote, a dramatic statistic, or the best piece of advice you were ever given. You can t talk to people until you ve gotten their attention.

The same goes for the ending, which should be planned to make the maximum impact; it is, after all, the last thing people will hear before they walk out of the room. So make it memorable. Ideally, it would be a well-phrased, succinct restatement of your main point, preceded or followed, perhaps, by another interesting story or statistic.

Humor works, but be careful. Most American listeners like to be entertained, and most find humor entertaining, but a presenter has to use humor carefully. Many presenters begin with a joke, but this isn t always a good idea. For one thing, many in the audience will be reluctant to laugh at the joke, even if they think it s funny, for fear they might be the only one who thinks so. For another, many jokes make fun of a certain kind of person or a certain group, and there may be people of that type or group in the audience. Finally, much humor is very culture-specific; before you tell a joke or funny story to an American audience, try it out on an American acquaintance to see if it is really funny. The only kind of humor that seems to be almost foolproof is a funny story about yourself.

Many presentations prompt questions or include a question-and- answer session at the end. Presenters should be very careful how they handle questions, whether they take them during the presentation itself or at the end. The rule to remember is that in most cases the vast majority of the audience is not interested in any particular question. To put it another way, as soon as you begin answering someone s question, you have lost the attention of most of the other people in the room. So if you re going to take questions during your presentation, limit your answer to 30 seconds or less.

Even if you limit questions to a Q-and-A session at the end of your talk, which is highly recommended, you still have to be careful. Remember that the main thing time-deprived, time-challenged Americans want to do at the end of your presentation is to get out of the room. So if you re holding a Q-and-A session, invite those who want to leave to do so before you start. And even then, keep your answers short.

Want to be a hero? In closing I offer the one piece of absolutely foolproof advice about giving a presentation to Americans: end it early.

E-mail Etiquette

E-mail has revolutionized the workplace; the average worker in the United States now spends almost one-fourth of his or her day (one hour and 45 minutes) writing or reading e-mail. It has become such a central part of life on the job that it is important for non-Americans to under- stand the basic conventions of e-mail use in the American workplace.

The place to begin is by noting that most people are overwhelmed by e-mail; it s just too easy to communicate that way (also too quick and too cheap). If e-mail were simply a substitute for making telephone calls ” if people sent only the messages they used to call about ” it wouldn t be a problem. The average worker would still receive more or less the same amount of information in a typical day, but it would come in a different form. But e-mail is not used like that; people send all manner of messages by e-mail that they would never send if they had to convey the same information in a telephone call. In short, e-mail means people no longer have to be selective about the messages they send ” and most people are not.

The first rule of e-mail use, then, is that less is definitely more. Before writing a message, apply the telephone test referred to above by asking yourself, If I had to call someone with this information or question, would I? If the answer is no, then at the very least that message is probably not urgent, although it may still be important, and you may want to label it accordingly (which most e-mail programs now allow you to do).

Which brings us to the second rule of e-mail etiquette: always complete the subject box. While people can t control the number of messages they receive, they can control the number of messages they open , but only if the subject box is filled in. And even then, it has to be filled in carefully. Simply writing From Bill, Heads Up, or For Your Information (FYI) doesn t tell recipients what they most need to know, which is Do I need to read this e-mail? and/or Can this e-mail wait? Even e-mail users who are good at filling in the subject box often forget to do so when they reply to someone else s e-mail, leaving the sender s subject intact, which is usually not helpful to the recipient.

Be very selective about who you copy on your messages. If sending an e-mail is easy, copying others is simplicity itself. People already receive too many messages they have to read, so don t bombard them with messages they don t have to read (but may feel guilty if they do not).

Be equally selective about attachments: Always make brief mention of any attachments in the text of the e-mail so recipients know whether or not they need to open them (or which ones they may need to open). If the attachments are all FYI, or if some are FYI and some are not, be sure to indicate this.

Composing E- mails

Assuming that people are going to send e-mails they should not and recipients are going to open ones they need not, the least senders can do is to keep their messages brief and easy to read. Come to the point quickly and don t go on any longer than necessary. To make your messages easier to read and to scan, limit each paragraph to one or two sentences and leave two spaces between them. Use ALL CAPITALS very sparingly, as words written in that form are hard to read and are considered the e-mail equivalent of shouting.

In the United States, an e-mail is considered a relatively informal means of communication, certainly as compared to a letter. E-mail writ- ers usually don t worry much about good grammar and punctuation, about writing complete sentences, or in some cases even checking their spelling.

And the tone of American e-mails is likewise very informal. Americans seem to feel that it s okay to think out loud in an e-mail, trying out a particular line of reasoning, groping toward a decision, or otherwise fumbling with words and feelings in full view of the recipient. What one says in an e-mail, in short, does not always have to be fully thought out or the sender s last word on the particular subject. There is also the sense that one is not as accountable for what one writes in an e-mail as for what one says face-to-face or in a letter. Not surprisingly, then, already direct Americans tend to edit themselves even less in e-mails than face- to-face, offering up surprisingly blunt and candid opinions and almost instant reactions .

Answering E-mails

Because they receive so many e-mails, most people are not able to respond to all their messages on the day they receive them, unlike voice- mails, for example, which one should always try to return the same day. Because this is widely understood, only urgent e-mails need to be answered immediately, and most e-mail programs label these messages accordingly. For the rest, it is acceptable to answer an e-mail anywhere from one to two days after it is received. If you think it s going to take you longer to answer a message, then it s considered good form to respond briefly in a short note acknowledging receipt and promising to get back to the sender as soon as possible.

Many messages don t require an answer, of course, and many others are in a discretionary category; while they don t require an answer, the sender would probably appreciate knowing you got the information or the attachment. If you have time, it s a good idea to acknowledge these messages with a quick thank you. Remember that e-mail messages may be the only impressions many people ever have of you, and like all impressions , you want to them to be positive. If you come across as polite and considerate via e-mail, you are doing yourself a favor.

Telephone Etiquette

As noted in the e-mail section, Americans have come to regard the telephone quite differently since the advent of the Internet. Whereas it was formerly used for anything that couldn t be done by regular mail, its use has become much more selective now that e-mail is such a convenient communication option. In general, the rule seems to be to use the telephone only in cases where (1) the matter is too complex to be quickly presented in an e-mail; (2) there needs to be a genuine , real-time discussion of the matter, involving give and take by both parties; (3) the matter is too confidential or sensitive to be written about in an e-mail; or (4) the matter is too urgent to wait for an e-mail reply. Broadly speaking, these are the kinds of issues for which Americans use, and expect others to use, the telephone.

Because it has become less common, a telephone call has become more significant; if someone has called, it must be important ” and if the matter is not especially important, then that someone should not have called. The one exception to this, when people call just to talk, proves the rule; because they no longer regularly speak to each other as a natural part of doing business or working together, Americans sometimes feel the need to call merely, as they put it, to hear the other person s voice.

So the first rule of telephone etiquette is to use the telephone carefully and sparingly. The second is to use it efficiently , respecting those two core American communication norms of getting to the point of your call quickly after the mandatory small talk (see Workplace Relationships on page 146) and of staying on the subject. Whether face-to-face or on the phone, Americans don t like conversations that go on any longer than necessary. Phone calls are trickier in this regard, because while you can always signal your impatience (or pick up on the other person s) via non- verbal behavior in a face-to-face exchange, this is much harder to do over the phone. In fact, interrupting the other speaker is practically the only way, and for this reason it is typically more tolerated in telephone conversations.

It s important to remember that a phone call is by definition an interruption, in other words, something that was not on the other person s schedule, and it is only good manners to acknowledge this. This is why Americans often begin phone conversations by asking, Is this a good time? or Have you got a minute? and why it is even acceptable (though not common) to answer, No it isn t and reschedule the call if necessary. The fact that it is an interruption is another reason it is even more important to get to the point and stay focused in a phone call. Whenever possible, many people now actually schedule their phone calls, usually via e-mail, so that they are no longer an interruption.

Voice Mail

People aren t always in, of course, and you then have the option of leaving a message on their voice mail. Once again the etiquette here involves being efficient; the best voice-mail messages are those that don t have to be returned. Never just leave your name and number; this is impolite and is the last kind of voice-mail message that will be answered. If you re calling in response to an earlier conversation (or voice-mail message), always try to leave a message that resolves the issue or answers the question so that the other party doesn t have to call you back.

For this same reason, when you re initiating the contact, always explain in your message why you have called so that the other person can, where possible, resolve the matter in an e-mail or in the return phone call even if you re not in, and so they can also decide how quickly they need to call you back. Busy people often have several voice mails waiting for them when they get to their office, and it helps them if they can prioritize their return calls. Similarly, if there s something the other person needs to do or find out before the two of you next talk, so that your business can be resolved at that time, be sure to mention that in your message. Otherwise, the return call simply sets up the necessity for yet another call.

Always give your phone number. When you leave a voice-mail message, never assume the other person knows your phone number (except in cases where it would be silly not to) or that she or he can easily look it up. People can access their voice mail from almost anywhere in the world, and they may not have your telephone number with them. If you want people to call you back, make it possible for them to do so. And be sure, incidentally, to speak slowly and clearly when you say your number.

Returning Calls

You should return voice-mail messages promptly. This is especially true in the e-mail era, when phone calls are generally assumed to be more urgent than they once were. If you don t have time to talk to the caller at length, you should at least acknowledge receiving the voice mail, either in an e-mail or in a quick return call in which you explain that you don t have time to talk right now but you got the message and you ll be back in touch as soon as possible.

If you call someone about a matter that is not particularly urgent and leave a voice message, be sure to indicate the low priority of your call so the recipient knows how quickly he or she has to call back.

As in most societies , there is a pecking order when it comes to returning phone calls. People are expected to return calls from higher-ups more promptly than calls from people below them in the chain of command.

Taking Calls

Taking a phone call while you re meeting with someone else is generally considered rude, and you should either ask permission to take the call or take it and apologize for doing so. In either case, try to end it as soon as possible. Senior people can take a call in the presence of subordinates , but generally colleagues should not do it with each other unless the call is urgent, the caller is a very important person (VIP), or you re just chatting with someone. If you are the other person in this situation, it is always polite to ask whether you should step out of the office until the phone call is over.

Telephone Tips for Speakers of English as a Second Language

If you speak English as a second language and are not fluent, you may find talking on the phone to an American difficult. In face-to-face exchanges, you can read the other person s body language and get a good idea of what that person is saying even if you don t understand all the words. This is not possible over the telephone, of course, so nonnative speakers of English may want to try a few techniques to make telephone conversations more successful. The first is to ask the other person to slow down and/or repeat what he or she has said. Americans typically don t make adjustments in their speech for nonnative speakers, but they will almost always slow down if you ask them to. Another technique is for you to repeat what the American has said and then ask if you have understood correctly. If you think you may not have understood correctly or you want to verify what was said in a phone call, you can always send the person an e-mail after your conversation, summarizing your under- standing of the exchange.

If you speak English with an accent, some Americans will have trouble understanding you. You may want to slow down in such cases; another good idea is to acknowledge that you speak with an accent and invite the American to ask you to repeat anything he or she did not understand. This will be much appreciated as monolingual Americans often feel embarrassed to suggest to a non-American, who has after all learned the American s language, that he or she is difficult to understand.

Also keep this advice in mind when leaving voice mails for Americans: slow down your speech and try to speak as clearly as possible, perhaps even repeating key pieces of information twice.

Giving Feedback

People spend a lot of time on the job telling other people what they think of their work, in general (as in a performance evaluation) and in particular (as in commenting on a specific report or presentation).

As might be expected, Americans are relatively direct in giving negative feedback, although not as direct as Germans, for example, or Israelis. Even so, they almost always preface negative feedback by saying something positive.

The next rule in giving negative feedback is to be specific, to identify as precisely as possible what the other person has done that is not satisfactory, and to follow that with a clear explanation of what he or she needs to do to meet your expectations. That person needs to be in a position to respond to the feedback, in other words, and should always be given an opportunity to do so. It is unacceptable in the American workplace to give negative feedback without giving people a chance to correct what they have done wrong.

Nor is it appropriate to give negative feedback through a third person, as in some cultures, to avoid confrontation, embarrassment, or loss of face. An American will be quite upset to hear from another person that you are not pleased with his or her work, especially if you are that person s manager.

Positive feedback is very common in the American workplace, so common that people from some cultures feel that Americans overdo it. Be that as it may, Americans are used to it, expect it, and will interpret the absence of routine positive feedback (especially from a boss) as a sign that they re not doing a very good job or that their supervisor is not happy with them.

The key word here is routine. By and large, positive feedback in the American workplace is not reserved just for those occasions when people have exceeded all expectations or otherwise done an outstanding job; it is used on a much more regular basis when people have simply done more or less what was expected of them. The feedback at such times is not lavish or effusive, but it is not unusual. Americans wouldn t be surprised, for example, to be praised for getting a report in on time or for how well they ran a meeting or handled a certain situation, even when doing those things well is simply part of their job.

Needless to say, when a worker s performance is truly out of the ordinary he or she expects even more positive feedback.

Training

Americans spend a lot of time in training or, as they sometimes call it, employee development. You may either be trained to do certain aspects of your current job better or, when you change jobs or are promoted, to learn how to do your new job. On occasion, people are sent to training to have their attitude adjusted.

There are many kinds of training, but there are a handful of norms that trainees are expected to observe in most training sessions. The first is to actively participate. American-style training is usually highly inter- active, with a minimum of lecture and a maximum of trainee involvement, whether it s small-group discussion, problem-solving activities, role playing, simulations, or any number of other training techniques. In this context it is often said that trainees should take responsibility for their own learning, by which is meant get involved, ask questions, participate. It is for this reason, incidentally, that trainers in the United States are often called facilitators, meaning they aren t necessarily content experts, the people with all the answers; they are, rather, expert at getting the answers out of the trainees.

Clearly then, you are not expected to be a passive observer; it is okay to challenge trainers, to question them, and to get into lively discussions with them (although not to monopolize the discussion). You are also expected to be open and somewhat flexible, to be receptive to new ideas and other opinions, and to suspend judgment on occasion, such as on something the trainer may ask you to do when you do not understand the reason.

Trainees are not expected to pull their punches during training; they should state their views openly and give their honest opinions (without, of course, hurting another person s feelings). The point of many training sessions is to work on, resolve, or at least bring out into the open certain office problems or dynamics, and progress will not be made if people aren t honest with each other.

You should also be very honest in your evaluation of training. Employers spend a lot of money on a typical training event, and they want to know if the time and the funds were well spent.

Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal communication is a discipline unto itself, and entire books have been written on the subject. Ray Birdwhistell, a pioneer in the field, estimated that the human face is capable of making more than 250,000 separate expressions (1970, 8), and researchers worldwide have identified more than 1,000 different body attitudes or postures that can be maintained steadily, meaning they could be used to send a message (Luce and Smith 1987, 120). The vocabulary of the human body, in short, is much more extensive than that of the mind, and it should not be surprising that so much communication is carried on without benefit of words.

Different cultures rely to different degrees on nonverbal communication. Generally, more direct cultures such as the United States rely more on words (verbal communication), but even Americans make good use of the various types of nonverbal expression. According to Albert Mehrabian, in the United States 7 percent of the meaning of a spoken message comes from the actual meaning of the words, 38 percent from the way one says the words, and 55 percent, or more than half, from non- verbal channels such as gestures, facial expressions, and body language (Luce and Smith, 137). Another study found that 65 percent of the social meaning of a typical two-person exchange came from nonverbal cues (119). If more than half the messages Americans send are nonverbal, it behooves non-Americans to educate themselves on American body language.

At the same time it should be noted that compared to cultures that are even more nonverbal, such as some of the indirect cultures of the Asia-Pacific region, Americans are still relatively much more verbal. This means that on the whole Americans are less adept at looking for and correctly reading nonverbal communication because they are not as accustomed to expressing themselves this way. People from Japan, for example, or Thailand, who are used to saying one thing and then sending the real message through facial expressions or body posture , should not assume that Americans are even seeing these nonverbal messages, much less interpreting them correctly. Moreover, if, like the Japanese, you tend on occasion to express yourself by means of what you do not say, then be warned that Americans almost never hear what is not said. In the end, if you come from a culture where words are not the primary carrier of meaning and you want Americans to understand you, then you will have to learn to put more of your message in the spoken word and less in the unspoken .

Personal Space

In public Americans tend to stand somewhere between eighteen and twenty-four inches away from each other. It is said that if you make a fist and hold out your arm, it should reach to the other person s shoulder blade . Anything less, and an American will step back; anything more, and an American will step forward. It s easy to observe this norm in practice if you watch two Americans getting on an empty elevator; they will always move to the sides in order to get their eighteen inches. The eighteen- inch rule also seems to explain why Americans don t usually talk on a crowded elevator: they are standing too close to face each other, and it s awkward talking without looking at the other person. If they do talk, they tend to talk straight ahead without inclining their body toward the other person.

People from cultures with a shorter personal space norm ” of ten to twelve inches, let s say, as is the case in much of the Middle East or Latin America ” will stand too close to Americans, thereby coming across as aggressive or rude, while Americans who stand two feet away come across to such people as distant, reserved, and unfriendly. In the same way, people from cultures with a longer norm, two-and-a-half to three feet, will stand too far from Americans (and be seen as distant and cold), and Americans will stand too close to these people (and be seen as aggressive and rude). Finding the right distance should not be difficult. Just watch what Americans do and imitate them.

Eye Contact

Americans feel it is polite, a sign of showing interest and paying attention, to look another person in the eye when he or she is talking to them. American eye contact is not continuous in such cases ” Americans will look away briefly ” but it is sustained, and it applies regardless of any age difference or difference in seniority or authority between the two people in the conversation. It is true, however, that the listener will look down for part of the time if he or she is ashamed or being reprimanded by the speaker.

In some cultures it is considered impolite and aggressive to sustain eye contact with an older person, with an authority figure, or with other respected individuals. If you are from such a culture, remember that Americans will interpret your lack of eye contact (if you re the listener) as being rude and not paying attention; meanwhile, you should not interpret sustained American eye contact as a sign of aggression or impoliteness.

The speaker in a two-way conversation likewise maintains sustained eye contact; many Americans believe that if the person speaking to you does not look you in the eye, then he or she must not be telling the truth.

Touching

Americans engage in a moderate amount of physical contact with other people, more than some Europeans (such as the English) and less than people from Central and South America, for example, or Africa and the Middle East. Two women are more likely to embrace each other upon meeting than are two men, who are more likely to confine their contact to shaking hands. Two women may walk arm in arm, but men usually do not. In conversation, men or women may on occasion reach out and briefly touch the other person s forearm or knee (if they are sitting close enough and if they know each other well), but generally not if the other person is of the opposite sex.

Public displays of affection between male-female couples are generally acceptable. They can stand very close, embrace, hold hands as they walk, put their arms around each other, and kiss upon greeting or taking leave of each other. A lingering kiss in public is typically less common. Many same-sex couples engage in these same behaviors, although it is probably less common.

Men and women who are not part of a couple or not close friends engage in very little physical contact, usually nothing more than a handshake. Any other touching can easily take on sexual overtones and be considered inappropriate.

Even in crowded public spaces, such as on buses or subway cars or on elevators, you should try not to stand (or sit) in such a way that you are making physical contact with other people. If you accidentally come into contact with another person, you should apologize.

Gestures

Regarding the range of gestures Americans use, thrusting the middle finger at another person ” holding your hand out, palm facing you with only the middle finger raised ” is probably the most offensive.

Most Americans feel it is not polite to point at another person, although it is fine to point at objects or to indicate direction. On the other hand, pointing the index finger at another person and then beckoning him or her to approach by curling the finger in and out is generally acceptable (although many people beckon by using the whole hand in this same manner).

Two gestures with a negative connotation are shaking your fist at someone, a sign that you are upset, and the thumb-down gesture (closing four fingers and pointing down with the thumb), a sign of disapproval. Two positive gestures are the thumb-up gesture and the okay sign (making a circle with the thumb and forefinger).

Americans typically gesture with their hands and arms when they talk, although not as much as people in the Mediterranean, the Middle East, or Latin America, who can come across as loud, emotional, or even aggressive if they gesture too much. By the same token, people who gesture too little, keeping their arms to their sides, often strike Americans as stiff, cold, or reserved.

Body Postures and Other Nonverbal Behavior Some body postures and other forms of nonverbal behavior make relatively strong statements and should only be used knowingly:

• Arms folded across your chest. While this is a fairly common listening posture, it can also connote challenge or even defiance, especially among men.

• Standing with your hands in your pockets. This posture communicates extreme casualness and informality. It should not be used if you re supposed to be paying close attention to another person or in the presence of someone to whom you need to show respect.

• Leaning against the wall. Like standing with your hands in your pockets, this form of body language also communicates extreme informality. You should not stand this way if you re supposed to be paying close attention to what another person is saying or if you should be treating that person respectfully.

• Sitting with your foot resting on your knee and/or leaning back in your chair. These are two more markers of casualness and informality, relaxed postures that suggest a lack of urgency. Neither would be appropriate in situations where you want to show that you are listening closely, that you take the conversation seriously, or when you are talking to someone very senior to you (whose words are always taken seriously). In all of these cases, the proper body posture is to sit with your legs uncrossed and leaning forward in your chair.

• Looking at your watch or looking out the window. These communicate either that you are bored or that you would like to be somewhere else. In either case, they re not polite.

• Sitting down without being asked. This is a challenging form of behavior (except between close friends), suggesting that you are in control of the situation and intend to talk to the other person whether he or she wants you to or not. Asking if you may sit down is somewhat more polite but still sends the message that you intend to stay for a while. When senior people do this in a subordinate s office, it is usually not a challenge but rather an indication that the boss is not in a hurry. A subordinate would rarely do this in the boss s office, however, unless the two people have a very close relationship.

Greetings and Leave-Takings

The standard American greeting is a smile and a brief Hello or How are you? to which the response should also be brief: Hello or Fine, thank you (even if you re not fine). If people have not seen each other for some time, they will shake hands or even embrace (men less commonly than women). Men typically wait for women to extend their hand; if the woman does not, there is no handshake. Americans expect a firm handshake, involving a slight squeeze of the other person s hand, and they consider anything less to be a sign of weakness or lack of self- confidence.

Americans are very casual about greeting people when they come in to work. Essentially, they greet the people they happen to meet, but that s all. There s no need, as in some cultures, to make any special effort to seek people out expressly to greet them. The greeting itself is also quite casual, usually just Good morning or How s it going? and does not normally involve shaking hands. As noted above, the only time Americans shake hands as part of a greeting is when they have not seen each other for some time. Nor does the greeting last very long; it s usually just a few words, unless the other person indicates he or she wants to talk longer. The polite presumption is that people are busy and don t have time to chat.

A note about chatting: it is often said that Americans are too task- oriented and never take time to socialize. While Americans do socialize less than people in more collectivist/group-oriented cultures, it s not true that they never have time to chat. Americans tend to compartmentalize work time and chat time, so that they don t chat during work time or work during chat time. Good times to chat or socialize, therefore, are early in the morning before people begin their day, as Americans put it (i.e., before the start of work time), at lunch and during breaks, before a meeting starts, or when walking down the halls or riding in an elevator together.

In some cultures it s considered impolite not to personally greet everyone when entering a room or say goodbye to everyone when leaving. This is generally not the case in the United States; Americans will greet and say goodbye to only those people they have come to see or those they happen to be standing near (unless it s a small group).

At the end of the day Americans likewise don t make any special effort to say goodbye to anyone in particular. As with greetings, they will take leave of whomever they happen to run into, but there is no need to seek people out to say goodbye. One exception would be if someone is going on a trip or will be out of the office for an extended period; in such cases, the person who will be gone will make an effort to say goodbye to key people, and others will make an effort to see this person before he or she leaves .

Dress at work is generally somewhat less formal than in many countries , depending very much, however, on the position one has, the organization one works for, and to some extent which region of the country one works in. One rule seems to be that the more contact a person has with the general public, the more formally he or she should dress. If you re going to be toiling all day inside your cubicle , interacting only with other toilers like yourself, you would not normally have to dress up. But if you re having a meeting or going to lunch with someone from outside your company or organization, or if you re going to a meeting with someone senior in your organization, someone who typically dresses more formally than you, then you may want to dress up on these occasions.

Generally, people tend to dress somewhat more formally on the East coast , in the Midwest, and in the South (though not in Florida) than they do in the West and the Southwest. Dress also tends to be somewhat more casual in smaller companies than in large, multinational corporations, and more casual in some divisions, especially information technology, than in others. On the whole, people who work for the federal government tend to dress more formally than those in the private sector.

Dress is not that hard to get right: you simply observe how the Americans around you in similar positions dress and then follow their example. And for any special situations ” an interview, a meeting, a presentation, a conference, a luncheon ” just ask people how you should dress. As in almost any culture, it s usually worse to be underdressed than to be over- dressed; while you can usually adjust your dress down, taking off a jacket, a scarf, or tie, it s harder to adjust up.

Gifts

Gift giving has almost no official role in the American workplace. There are virtually no occasions where workers would be expected to give a gift to other workers ” whether a boss, subordinate, or colleague ” as part of their professional duty. People make friends at work, of course, and often exchange gifts in that capacity, but rarely in the context of carrying out their work-related responsibilities. Giving gifts to someone in the context of a professional relationship is against the law in many cases, may be seen as currying favor, and is widely frowned upon.

The only time you might be expected to give a gift on the job would be when the office staff gets together to buy someone a gift on his or her birthday or some other special occasion such as an impending wedding , the birth of a child, or a going-away party. Even then, the gift comes from everyone, and you are always free not to participate if you choose.

Non-Americans who are used to bringing courtesy gifts when they first meet with someone should be advised that this is not expected in the United States. In the government, senior officials are obliged to report such gifts and may not be allowed to keep them for their personal use. Non-Americans should also be advised that Americans believe it is polite to open a gift in front of the giver at the time it is offered .

(See A Guest in the Home, pages 184 “85 for gift suggestions for that context.)

Taboo Topics

There are some subjects that are not appropriate to discuss with Americans. As in most cultures, anything to do with sex and sexual behavior is private and personal and is not generally discussed. Religion is another personal topic that Americans rarely talk about, except in a general way.

Politics is often cited in the same breath as religion as another taboo topic, but in fact Americans frequently talk about politics. The part of politics that is taboo is the part that is personal; while it is perfectly appropriate to talk about politics in general, about the political situation, for example, about issues in the news, or about individual politicians , it is generally not appropriate in the workplace to ask people their personal opinion of a particular political figure or their opinion on a controversial topic, and it is especially inappropriate to get into an argument about politics. If people volunteer their personal views on political questions, that is another matter and a sign that they are willing to take the discussion to a more personal level.

An American socialite once said, You can never be too rich or too thin (Faul 1999, 15). Body weight is a touchy subject in diet-crazed, calorie -obsessed America. If you can t say something flattering about a person s weight ” and the only flattering comment is that a person seems to have lost weight ” then don t say anything at all. Since many Americans you meet will probably be overweight, or be very sensitive about their weight, the best advice is to avoid the subject altogether in talking with Americans. Be warned that if an American remarks that he or she is trying to lose weight, you must never say, Good for you. The only acceptable response in all such cases is, I can t imagine why.

Age is not a taboo subject in the United States, but growing old is something many Americans definitely do not enjoy and something they try to postpone for as long as possible. The only acceptable comments about age are those that point out how young someone looks or how the other person hasn t changed at all since you last saw him or her. Any comments that refer even obliquely to aging, such as those about gray hair, losing hair, wrinkles , or facelifts, should be avoided.

Money is another touchy subject with Americans. It is almost never appropriate to ask people how much money they make (their salary), and likewise it is not polite to ask someone how much something cost, especially expensive items such as a car or one s house. On the other hand, Americans love to tell other people how little they paid for something if they believe they got an especially low price.

Disease and death are not exactly taboo subjects, but they can be difficult for Americans to talk about. If a person is seriously ill or dying, Americans may not want to admit the fact or talk about it, depending on the circumstances.

Abortion is a very charged topic in the United States, and it s best to avoid it altogether.

As noted elsewhere, the topics that are encompassed by the political correctness phenomenon ” such as race, sexual preference, disability ” are sensitive, and unless you know your way around these topics and the related vocabulary, which a non-American often does not, the best advice is to avoid them.

Going to Lunch

Americans frequently have lunch with some of their coworkers. If you go with one or more people to a restaurant, it is understood that everyone will pay for his or her own lunch.

If a group of people is going to lunch together, it would normally be considered impolite not to invite everyone who is a member of that particular group. Anyone who does not want to go is free to decline, but might be hurt if he or she is not included in the invitation . When just two people go to lunch together, there is no expectation that they should have to invite anyone else from the office.

Bosses would not necessarily expect to be invited when a group from the office goes out to lunch together, although this would not be improper. As a rule, however, a boss and a subordinate don t go to lunch together; if they do, the boss risks being accused of favoritism and the subordinate of playing up to the boss.

On special occasions, the whole office may go to lunch together. In these cases, the bill is usually divided evenly by the number of attendees, regardless of the cost of any one person s meal. If some of the attendees drink wine or alcohol, however, and others do not, it is always polite to offer to adjust the costs accordingly.

Smoking

The United States has declared war on smoking. There are no-smoking sections in most commercial establishments such as restaurants and bars; a number of states have banned smoking in restaurants altogether. Smoking is not permitted in movie theaters or most other entertainment venues ; it is not allowed on airplanes or in airports (except in designated, walled-off smoking rooms); and it is no longer permitted inside many office buildings , including in the lobbies , restrooms, and corridors.

If you are invited to someone s home, you should not assume your hosts will allow you to smoke in the house. If you are invited as one member of a dinner party, it is almost certainly expected that you will not smoke. You should, however, feel free to ask the host or hostess if they mind if you step outside for a cigarette. To be safe, if you don t know whether smoking is permitted in a particular setting, assume that it s not.

A Guest in the Home

Americans are much more likely to entertain people at home than in restaurants. If you are invited to someone s home for a meal, it is common to bring something for your hosts. Typically, Americans bring flow- ers (presented to the hostess), a bottle of wine or liquor, or chocolates. If you ask Americans if you can bring anything, which is considered a polite response to such an invitation, they will almost always say no (as should you if you re doing the inviting ), but this is a ritualized, polite answer and should not be taken to mean that you should not bring anything.

You should ask what time you are expected, and you should be careful not to arrive more than fifteen to twenty minutes later than the time given. Americans usually receive guests in their living room or in a family room or a den (for less formal visits ). They will offer drinks and snacks, which you can eat as much or as little of as you like. It is not impolite to refuse snacks, unless they are very special, something the host or hostess has prepared especially for this event, but it is somewhat unusual not to accept a drink. If you do not drink alcohol, by all means say so; this will not embarrass Americans.

If your hosts ask you to come into the kitchen while they are preparing drinks or the meal, you should not hesitate. Likewise, some Americans will want to show you around the house, meaning take you into the various rooms, with the customary exception of the sleeping quarters , and it would be considered rude to refuse such an invitation.

Typically the conversation on such occasions, especially if spouses and others are present, does not touch upon work (since it would exclude some of the guests). The best rule of thumb concerning what to talk about is to follow the lead of your hosts and/or other Americans present. It is quite appropriate, and much appreciated, if you compliment the food, the house, and its furnishings, but don t ask how much things cost.

Your host or hostess will almost always offer you a second helping of food (or may even encourage you to help yourself ). If you are still hungry, by all means accept the offer, but if you are not, it is quite acceptable to decline. If you are unable to eat certain foods or ingredients (such as alcohol) for health or religious reasons, you should not hesitate to tell your hosts at the time you are invited.

It is usually acceptable to leave a dinner party thirty minutes or more after the dessert and coffee have been served . You can leave earlier if you need to, but it is better to make it known at the beginning of the evening if you may have to leave early. In most cases, except with close friends, it would be awkward to stay more than an hour after the meal is over. Even so, when you announce that you need to get home, Americans will usually invite you to stay a little longer or ask, What s your hurry? This is almost always pure politeness and does not mean that you should stay longer. In taking your leave, it s not necessary or expected that you will mention your desire to reciprocate, although it would not be inappropriate.