Telling Fluff From Stuff

How do you know what’s a real deal breaker and what’s not?

You use that all-important negotiator’s tool: the ear.

Now just because someone says something is a deal breaker doesn’t mean it truly is—though I have to admit, that is a strong clue. Hostage negotiators are trained to listen to the subject’s rap and see which points they keep returning to. If a subject keeps mentioning that he wants to see his mom, then obviously that’s something important to him. (Which by the way doesn’t mean he’s going to see her. Contrary to TV images, hostage takers’ families are rarely brought into negotiations. There are plenty of circumstances where bringing a family member to the scene is absolutely the worst way to go.)

In doubt? Find out. The written word has a certain power in negotiations, and it can be used even before you get to the contract stage or closing. You don’t have to have the other side write something down for you, especially if you’re negotiating in person. “Let me just review and write down what’s important here so I can discuss it with my boss” will get the other side to focus on what’s important. Obviously, you can adapt the tactic slightly to fit the situation.