The 12 Commandments of Communication

When the economy is white-hot and going through the roof, communication keeps everyone working in the same direction. When times get tough, communication stops rumors and controls chaos.

Our communication is a mix of words, delivery, and non-verbal communication:

• 7% of communication is through words

• 38% of communication is through voice, tone, rate, and inflection

• 55% of communication is through face and body language

  • Harris/Osborne 1975

Keeping the above in mind, we've developed our "12 Commandments of Communication." The first day someone new joins our firm, we address the way we communicate. Our rules are simple, and they work.

1. Engage in direct communication. Venting to a third party doesn't change any situation and can disrupt office harmony. Address concerns, criticisms, and wishes to the appropriate members (those who have the power to make changes to policy or guidelines) of the company.

2. Remember that physical barriers inhibit dialogue. If you are sitting at a desk, place your chair on the same side of the desk as your visitor. Sit comfortably and keep your eyes on the speaker.

3. When negotiating, try to agree on something, however small, within the first five minutes if you are going into a meeting with the purpose of reaching an agreement with a new customer or client contact.

4. Always know your outcome, whether it's a meeting, conference call, or phone call. Not knowing your outcome is like getting in a car and driving without knowing your destination.

5. Remember "I don't know" is okay, especially when teamed with "I'll find out." This is much safer than bluffing. It shows you are honest and won't panic in the face of a challenge. If you follow up with an answer quickly, it shows you are responsive.

6. More successful negotiations occur over lunch, dinner, and in the hallway after hours than at a conference table with one side pitted against another. Reaching agreement requires trust. Trust doesn't get built without work and understanding. Invest in the relationship, and get to know the person with whom you will be working.

7. Think and speak solution. If the focus is on us, our hurt feelings, what happened in the past, gossip, etc., time ticks away as laundry lists of bad feelings build and emotions boil. Meanwhile, the solution is still waiting to be discovered.

8. Use "I" statements. "I" statements make our thoughts clear to our listeners. "I" statements make us focus on relevant experience instead of sharing opinion or advice not based on know-how.

9. "You" statements imply blame. Don't take it upon yourself to represent the concerns of coworkers. Each employee is responsible for stating his or her own concerns and suggestions.

10. Act the way you want your team or others to act. Attitudes are contagious.

11. People cannot control your emotions - only you can. If you are upset and not sure if you should say something - don't. Rarely will people think you acted unprofessionally if you say little or nothing.

12. Don't accept a "gift" of anger. In line with controlling your emotions, don't respond in kind when someone is angry. Your not accepting their gift of anger keeps it with them.