Chapter 1: My Boss Hates Me

I was fired from my very first job. I was 18, a clerical assistant in the traffic department of an equipment manufacturing business in Palo Alto, California. After I had been working for the company for a few months, my boss decided to terminate the traffic department secretary to whom I was an assistant. It was determined that after 17 years in her job, this woman was not working out. My boss also decided that I could take her place and do my job, too—at my same pay rate (minimum wage). I told my boss that doing two full-time jobs was impossible, but he was quite adamant that it was not only possible but required. This was my first experience in disagreeing with my boss about expectations.

The second disagreement came when I said to the same fellow, “No one can do a good job if they’re doing the work of two people at one time. If you want a half-assed job, you’ll just have to hire a half-assed person to do it.” That was about the same time he decided he did not really like me. Chalk it up to youthful indiscretion—I was outta there.

How Do You Know?

In some cases, as in mine, your boss may tell you directly that your behavior or performance does not meet the expectations of the job. When you receive this information, as I did at the ripe age of 18, you can choose to be upset, or you can choose to learn the skills you need in order to shift your style and results, technically and behaviorally, to match the objective.

Some bosses may be subtler in their approach. You might notice that your boss does not have time for you, or takes every opportunity to highlight your errors, or drops hints to your colleagues, subordinates, or management about your shortcomings. Whether you’ve made a huge behavioral blunder like mine, or you simply have a sense that your boss dislikes you, it’s time for you to take control, assess your work style and your career path, and make some positive changes to rebuild your reputation.

Mistakes We Make

Raj was a techno-genius. As project director for a dot com, Raj worked magic with his computer, creating technically precise solutions for his team. Unfortunately, his solutions were so user-unfriendly that the team did not understand them and the firm’s clients could not use them. Raj was a perfectionist who did not like having his work examined or altered, and he made this clear to anyone who dared to question him. Team members complained to the VP about Raj, and after several sessions with his boss and human resources, Raj could not deny that his team and his boss found him inflexible and stubborn. However, he feared that the only way he could repair his relationships—and his reputation—was to surrender his product excellence, and he was not willing to make that sacrifice.

Clues We Receive

Although Raj recognized that the team found his work product complex and even unworkable, he did not realize that the members of his team were also uncomfortable with his work style—that is, not until he was told. He had not noticed that his boss and the other members of his team cringed in his presence or simply avoided him; he had not noticed that his boss would not make time for him; and he had not noticed when team members, with his boss’s approval, went to outside sources for client solutions that Raj was more than qualified to create. He had missed every subtle and not-so-subtle clue.

When his boss presented him with a formal 30-day performance improvement plan, Raj read the comments concerning his harsh and demanding behavior, and initially chose to internalize them as limitations of the people with whom he was working. He was less than 30 days away from losing his job when he contacted me for coaching. He realized he was going to lose his job, and he was ready to make some changes.