Part 1: Getting Along at Work
Chapter List
- Chapter 1: My Boss Hates Me
- Chapter 2: When You Work for a Jerk
- Chapter 3: Cranky Co-Workers
- Chapter 4: PLOP Culture
- Chapter 5: Keys to Successful Workplace Relationships
Part Overview
The legend of “The Blind Men and the Elephant,” written by John Godfrey Saxe in the late 1800s, told the story of six vision-impaired men, each valuing continuous learning, who wanted to “see” an elephant. The first man, the legend goes, reached out to touch the huge elephant’s broad side, and decided that an elephant was like a wall. The second man grasped the animal’s tusk, and, feeling that it was round, smooth, and sharp, decided that an elephant was much like a spear. The third man took the elephant’s squirming trunk into his hands, and determined that an elephant resembled a snake. The fourth man felt the elephant’s sturdy leg, and decided that an elephant seemed a lot like a tree. The fifth grabbed a large, flat ear, and determined that an elephant was like a fan. The sixth grabbed the swinging tail of the animal, and determined that an elephant was just like a rope. And, as the legend goes, they each vigorously defended their defined truth, because each was a little bit right, and each was very wrong.
Much of what you will learn in the following chapters will remind you of the six men in this legend. We each have differing frames of reference, diverse senses of urgency, and dissimilar vantage points. For each of these reasons (and a gazillion others), creating healthy workplace relationships is difficult—but it is not impossible, once you have the tools.
Remember your mother’s advice about getting along in school? Share. Be nice. Don’t argue. If you do not have anything nice to say, do not say anything at all. She actually was on to something there—to get along at work, we just have to reframe her advice a bit:
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Share. Knowledge is power, but only when you spread it around.
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Be nice. Know your own motivations, understand your own reactions, and work to understand others’.
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Don’t argue. It is hard to argue with someone who does not argue back.
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Don’t gossip.
To get along at the office, we need to use our skills and strengths, build relationships, deliver results, make money, and have fun. To create a work life that incorporates these components, we need a noncompetitive, collaborative approach to working toward both the shared organizational goals and our unique individual personal goals, which may differ from or conflict with those of our colleagues. We also have to move away from defining “being nice” as being an easy target, and we have to characterize kindness as a form of awareness, understanding, strength, integrity, and wisdom. In addition, we have to do away with the old argumentative, right/wrong orientation and the finger-pointing and blame management styles, so that we can allow others their opinion and learn to communicate objectively.
When managing your work life of office politics, bully bosses, and cranky coworkers, you can respond in a way that builds bridges and increases communication, or you can make assumptions from a narrow information base (like the men in the legend) and react with a style that damages your reputation, destroys relationships, and leaves you dreading your workday.
In order to get along in the workplace, you need to develop healthy relationships, become aware of your behavior, and recognize how the opinion that others hold of you may differ from your intent. Moving through the following chapters, we will take a closer look at how you see yourself, how others see you, the differing styles with which you react and communicate, and how to shift to a more effective style under some challenging circumstances.
