Step 4: Seek Support from Your Partner, Family, Friends, and Professionals

Passages of both diversity and adversity create stress. When you are pushing your performance limits or dealing with failure and loss, you can feel isolated. Many leaders remarked that when they were struggling during a passage, it seemed like the event was happening only to them. Though it obviously happens to everyone, it doesn’t feel that way. A sense of loneliness and isolation is not only typical, it intensifies at the top of the hierarchy where, by definition, there are even fewer organizational peers.

Giving in to a sense of isolation makes it easy to lapse into defeatism. Negative mind-sets inhibit change. We are surprised by how many leaders engage executive coaches for support but will not engage family and friends for support during difficult times. Many leaders still equate excessive confidence with competence and adopt an “I’m in control” pose, not even confiding in those to whom they are emotionally close. Some leaders, especially men, simply aren’t accustomed to expressing their feelings about work and career and may not like admitting to others that they feel vulnerable (see Figure 17.2). A recent study of CEOs found that their greatest fear was that others might glimpse their own felt sense of vulnerability.

Figure 17.2:  Work-Life Experiences.

The increasing popularity of executive coaching demonstrates the importance of support, especially professional insights. It also highlights the sense of isolation many executives experience today. In many of the executive leadership programs that CDR International conducts for global companies, we provide a one-on-one coaching experience for participants over the course of a week. For many executives, this contact with an objective listener and helper is the highlight of the week, because it enables them to open up about their leadership issues with an expert—to unburden, reflect, and converse. The experience accelerates their learning and admits them to the possibility of gaining support for issues they felt they must address alone.

Most of our interviewees expressed the following sentiment: “I would have never made it if it had not been for the support of       .” Emotional support helps you rebound, to recognize that you are not alone in your struggle or failure. This helps make the passage tolerable and keeps you listening, questioning, and remaining open-minded.