Resentments, Enemies, and Stalkers

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Resentments, Enemies, and Stalkers

There is such a thing as reasonable criticism. Then there's the fact that some people are just creeps. It's like my very smart friend Liza Matlack says in D.I.Y. or DIE , "People making worthwhile art themselves almost never dispense mean-spirited criticism."

But it's easier to write a bad review than a good review because there are more negative adjectives than positive ones. And many published pop-culture "writers" can't really write. It's easier to tear something down than to build something up.

Anyone in the public eye gets crap from lots of losers. Search the name of your favorite famous artist with the word "sucks" after it on any search engine and you'll get dozens, if not hundreds, of hits. Kurt Cobain said he was terrified when Nirvana got on the cover of Rolling Stone because "Now every gun nut in the country knows what I look like." ^[2.]

^[2.] Unfortunately, there was one gun nut that poor beautiful bastard couldn't get away from: Kurt Cobain.

A lot of mean-spirited criticism stems from jealousy. People who can't (or won't) create or can't (or won't) get attention for their creativity (usually because it isn't good, isn't focused, or their motives are selfish and people can smell that) are content to get any attention, even attention for trying to tear down something good.

I've encountered several people in my life (usually males) who get near me for a while and then later turn on me and try anything they can to mess with me. This can range from threatening e- mails to public slander to trying to have me arrested for no good reason.

So, what to do? Well, there is an old show business saying, "Read the bad reviews once and the good reviews twice." Don't dwell on reviews. Even the positive ones. They really aren't that representative of reality. Oh, it's nice to know you're having an effect on people, but good or bad, keep this in mind: People who write for a living have to write about something . This week it's you. Next week, it's about someone else. Frank Zappa said, "Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read."

A lot of magazine writers are magazine writers because they couldn't get their books published. And rock critics are usually in bands that aren't very good. Keep that in mind. A lot of them have a chip on their shoulders and are ready to take out anyone who does something cool.

Those who can, do.

Those who can't, teach.

Those who can't teach become critics.

(And "those who can't teach, teach teachers "!)

Those who can't become critics, stalk celebrities .

Restraining orders are a bitch to get and are usually only for when someone's seriously dangerous and unrelenting. And they don't even block people, only set a precedent to have them arrested more easily later.

The only place you can really block someone is at your own head. If someone wants to terrorize you and you don't react , they will usually go terrorize someone else. Just like bullies in grade school. (It's the same people, actuallyjust older.)

One of the best ways to clear out your head when it's full of some mental attacker's hate is to go do something good for someone else. When you're listening to a friend's problem or helping her, it's harder to remember your own problem.

Just concentrate on the good. Mark Twain said "I could live a week on one kind word." (I would have to add, "and two if it's from a pretty girl.") Just keep creating, and keep walking with good. My pal Phil Sudo, who is now dead, believed that "If you always tell the truth, you'll never have to keep track of what lie you told to whom. If you live a life of integrity, you'll always have the appropriate response in any situation."

Figure 17.3. Phil Sudo.

So if you are honest and keep your side of the street clean, there really isn't much someone can do to "get" you if you don't let them. None of what they try to do to you really works. It just ends up dragging them down, not you, if you ignore them.

My friend Warner Harrison, who is now dead, once told me that everything is based on either fear or love. And that when a person is acting in fear, he cannot live in love. And when he is acting in love, there is no fear.

Figure 17.4. Warner Harrison and Michael Dean. Photo by Eric Circle A . 1992 .

Eric Drooker said that his friend Allen Ginsberg, who is now dead, once told him, "Everyone's a prophet if they listen to their heart."

Dead Ends

You don't wanna shoot yourself in the foot , face, or any other body part, figuratively or literally. The dirty hallowed halls of rock music are a pantheon of otherwise brilliant people who sometimes made horrible decisions. You needn't join that stupid club to be cool or great. These people did dumb shit despite, not because of, their talent.

Drugs

Drugs are a dead end.

A partial list of dead people I know can be found at www.kittyfeet.com/dead.htm. At this writing, there are 62 people on the list. Over half of them died directly (overdose) or indirectly (car crashes, AIDS) from drugs and alcohol.

Many of them were musicians . ^[3.] You've never heard of most of them: They did not make a dent because they died way too soon.

^[3.] The two buds mentioned above, Phil Sudo and Warner Harrison, did not die from drugs. Phil had cancer, and Warner had a brain aneurysm.

No matter how successful you are, you won't be happy if you're an addict. I had a friend who played bass in one of the headlining bands at Woodstock (the second Woodstock, not the first or third) and said he was miserable the whole time because he just wanted to go get high. And that should have been the highest moment of any musician's life. Woodstock!

A drug habit makes it really hard to enjoy touring or all the fun things that you get to do in a rock band .

The sidewalks and the ceilings look the same in every town.

Shortly after Kurt Cobain died, I was talking to Dale Crover (the drummer in the Melvins) at a Flipper concert in a park in San Francisco. He also used to play drums in Nirvana. I said, "My theory is that Kurt probably killed himself because he couldn't get off heroin." Dale said, "Michael, I think you're right."

Drugs may be useful to some as a tool, in small amounts over a short period of time, to retrain the neural pathways of one's brain to see things differently. Generally, however, we "get it" the first few times, and everything after that is self-destructive masturbation.

Don't buy the lie. The lie is, "Since some of the greatest artists were addicts and drunks, being an addict or drunk must make you a great artist."

Not so. Those people were great despite the substances, not because of them.

It takes more than a six-pack and a typewriter to be great. For every original like Hendrix or Bukowski, there are two million junkie/drunk hacks clutching their pens while they die in the gutter , claiming to be artists. ^[4.]

^[4.] From my novel , Starving in the Company of Beautiful Women .

Drugs and alcohol appeal to musicians because musicians often have low self-esteem and large egos. The same things that attract people to the fleeting glory of being onstage are the same things that attract them to the fleeting stimulation of drugs.

Pot makes you stupid. Alcohol makes you fat and ugly, inside and out. Psychedelics and stimulants make you insane, and not in a cute way. Their use imitates the symptoms of schizophrenia . My friend, whose mother is schizophrenic, described it as, "You remember the bullies that followed you around in school? A schizophrenic feels like that all the time. " Jesus, I spent 20 years putting those bullies behind me. Why would I want to take something that brings that feeling back?

There is no such thing as recreational use of hard drugs. Anyone using heroin, speed, or any form of cocaine will not keep doing them "once in a while" over a long enough time line.

I say all of this from personal experience.

The problem with drugs is that they borrow energy and happiness from tomorrow and use it today. Eventually you have to pay tomorrow back for today. They also come with a lot of denial. Someone using them doesn't notice that they are progressing into a pit of addiction and despair. It happens so gradually that you can compare today to yesterday and not see a difference. You get tunnel vision and forget to compare yourself to yourself a year ago.

A lot of musicians are clean, completely clean, and very successful. Most older musicians that have been making a living for over 10 years are either in recovery ^[5.] or never liked drugs and alcohol. No one can maintain a career and an addiction.

^[5.] Hell, in Los Angeles, one fellowship often even ends up being a networking system for musicians. That's not the primary purpose, but it is a byproduct. And why not? People help people they know.

Drugs are like an extremely jealous lover. They resent anything that gets in the way. At first music is aided by drugs. Then drugs are aided by the musician's career. But eventually, even the career gets in the way of the drugs. That's probably why I've seen a gold record in a pawn shop.

Denial is so powerful. Even a skid row drunk with a bloated liver or a homeless junkie with flesh- eating bacteria on both arms can lie to himself and say "It's okay." Or even "It's not okay, but I'll deal with it later. After my next hit ."

If you need help, don't wait nearly that long. And don't use the "I'll get help after this gig" excuse .

Hell, give up your band and job and go inpatient to a rehab if you have to. Most cities have a place you can go for free, today , if you want to. It may not be pleasant, but it will help. Sometimes you can go outpatient to a day treatment place. I know people who have gotten clean that way. People at meetings will know where these places are. Don't say "I would go in, but I don't want to lose my band (job, girl, house, whatever) and let that keep you from seeking help. Because the nature of addiction (including alcohol) is that you will always end up losing all that stuff eventually anyway if you don't nip it in the bud. And no one is ever "cured" in the sense of you never have to deal with it again. Staying clean, I've heard, involves a little daily work for the rest of your life. But some of this work is fun, and it actually helps you become a happier person. It's all about treating the reasons you had to get high or drunk in the first place.

Or so I've heard.

Suicide

I tried it when I was 20. Failed. Thought my life's work was done because my first record came out. What a loser. Damn, I'm glad I failed.

Don't kick yourself off the planet. Whatever pain you are experiencing is less permanent than death.

Or if you're killing yourself to hurt others, stay here for a minute and consider that you can hurt far more people for far longer alive than dead!

"If you commit suicide, you're probably killing the wrong person."

some guy

NOTE

Andre Dubus said, "We don't have to live great lives, we just have to understand and survive the ones we've got."

AIDS

Use rubbers when you do it, and bleach the needles if you must shoot up. I did, and I lived to tell the tale.

NOTE

Don't drink or shoot the bleach.

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