Van

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You need a good van to go on tour. Something that won't break down and something that gets good mileage. It helps if your roadie or someone in the band is a mechanic . And make sure you have Triple-A. That will pay for itself in your first tow, and you get discounts on hotels, and they will do TripTiks for you to map out your driving, as well as suggest swimming holes, amusement parks, museums, and fun stuff to do on days off.

The van must be fitted with a loft. Basically this is two-fold: One, it provides a place to sleep on those long drives . It also protects the equipment. Basically, you or someone you know who is good at carpentry builds a box in the back of the van. It's only open from the back, which adds to security. Even if someone breaks into the front of the van, they can't easily steal your guitars.

There's an art to building these things. Whoever builds it should have a good visual mind to picture how to make it so all the band's equipment, in cases, will fit together like a jigsaw puzzle in the least amount of space. Experiment with different configurations first, and make a diagram of what goes in where in what order after you perfect it. Then draw your plans and build it using two by fours and sheet plywood. Watch out for exposed nails , and make sure it's sturdy. If it's done right, you probably won't be able to take it out without dismantling it, so make it right the first time.

You should be able to fit some merch under there, too. And make sure not to put CDs, or god forbid , vinyl, where they will get too hot from the engine or the sun and melt.

If your engine starts to overheat and you wanna try to make it to the next town, turn on the heater. This sounds insane, but it actually draws heat away from the engine. Don't turn on the air conditioner. That will overheat you quicker. Bomb actually drove 100 miles like this on the desert in 120-degree heat. We were in our underwear with our heads out the window, but we made it to a service station.

Bomb's first tour was done in a station wagon. This is not recommended, because with all your gear in the back, there's no way to lie down. It's hard enough to get good sleep in a moving van, but it's almost impossible sitting up in a car. And lack of sleep will make the road suck instead of be fun.

Get a tune-up before you leave, and make sure your tags and insurance are up to date. Cops, especially in the South, love to pull over freaky looking vans full of weirdoes with out-of-state tags ( especially if that state is California!).

NOTE

You can drill a hole in the floor of the van and use a funnel to pee through on long drives.

There is always the impulse to spray paint the band van and personalize it with a lot of stickers, but I'll tell you, you're asking for trouble. It's better to blend in. Bomb had a normal Ford Econoline van with only one bumper sticker, and we never got pulled over once in years of touring. The sticker said, "If it ain't country, it ain't music." Take whatever chances you want, though; just be willing to lose shows over the consequences. The band MDC got pulled over a lot and detained on any charge the cops could think of, probably because the van was always full of a bunch of merch with the band's name on it, and the band's name was Millions of Dead Cops. But on the other hand, Mojo Nixon is rumored to have toured for years with no registration or insurance or even plates without getting pulled over. His plates were fake "Elvis-1" Tennessee plates he bought at Graceland. But some people lead charmed lives .

NOTE

Take turns driving. Don't drive drunk or stoned, and don't die. Someone's going to have to write the sequel to this book, and I'm gonna be too busy with other stuff to do it. Maybe it will be you. So don't die.

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