Now we ve selected a problem and thought about the circumstances in a way that puts us in the best state of mind. In short, we ve learned how to master our stories by seeking out all the possible influences that
Master my stories. The second step in the model also takes place before you actually speak. As you approach a crucial confrontation, take care you don t establish a horrible climate by charging in half-informed and half-cocked. To avoid this costly mistake, work on your own thoughts, feelings, and stories.
Tell the rest of the story . Ask why a reasonable, rational, and decent person would do what you ve just seen as well as if you yourself are playing a role in the problem.
Look at all six sources of influence. Examine the force of self, others, and things ”all either motivate or enable others to keep their commitment.
Expand motive to include the force of others.
Do others praise and support the desired behavior or do they provide pressure against it? Is the reward system aligned? If people do what s required, will they receive a
Finally, add ability.
Can others do what s required? Does the task play to their strength or weakness? Are people around them a help or a hindrance? Do the things around them provide a bridge or a
Do you recognize the stories you re telling that may be keeping you from the results you want? Visit www.crucialconfrontations.com/book for commonly told stories and see if they sound familiar.
Now that we re fully prepared, it s time to
When there is enough safety, you can talk to almost
They begin well. They know how to describe a performance gap in a way that makes it safe for others to talk about with them (Chapter 3, Describe the Gap).
They know how to help others prioritize competing demands, and they know how to discipline when necessary (Chapter 4, Make It Motivating).
They also know how to help others deal with ability barriers by jointly exploring solutions. They
Speak when you are
angryand you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
You ve picked out a problem, decided to say something, and
Here s a typical supervisory training
Of course, business
We don t even want to think about the preparation the average parent receives. Heaven
Here s the $64,000 question: How are leaders and parents supposed to have picked up the ability to hold a simple
If your influence training has been as sketchy as everyone else s, welcome to the club and be sure to pay close attention. We re about to share the best practices of people who know how to walk up to someone and hold a