How To Ask

Asking people for feedback does not have to be a formal exercise. Some leaders are great at making it part of their style, regularly seeking input through casual interactions.

Also recognize, however, that face-to-face requests for feedback can be awkward and problematic. If you seek feedback informally, you must come across as very authentic, you must not put others on the spot, and you must have high-trust relationships. Depending on your organization’s culture and how much you are trusted by the person you are asking for information, they may wonder, “Can this information be used against me and hurt my career? Is there a hidden agenda? Can I trust that this will be used in the right way? Will I hurt his or her feelings or make him or her angry?”

Organizations that operate with the kind of open, safe culture required to have effective informal feedback are rare. Most leaders fall short of establishing such an atmosphere. Of 5612 executives, 79 percent-said that their leaders could do better at promoting open and sincere communication.

Of 5612 executives, 79 percent said that their leaders could do better at promoting open and sincere communication.

When straightforwardness, honesty, and trust are not part of the culture or at least part of a leader’s relationships with his or her direct reports, expecting people to suddenly feel fortable with inquisitiveness may be unrealistic. However, if you are confident that the company’s atmosphere or your relationships will allow for informal feedback, then determine a way to ask that is authentic and makes others comfortable. You might, for example, seek feedback about how you are doing at running effective staff meetings by asking your team for two things they like and two things they would change about your weekly meeting. You could give them the option of answering in a scheduled one-on-one conversation or by e-mail because some people are more comfortable in written formats. Give them time to test you and trust your intentions.

Also realize that in order to get meaningful information, you need specifics. In order to make an improvement, you have to know exactly which of your behaviors drive a certain person’s perspective about you. Be prepared to ask questions that elicit the kinds of details you need:

• “Can you give me an example?”

• “What does it look like?”

• “When does it happen most?”

• “Tell me some more.”

• “If it were on videotape, what would I look like?”

• “Show me.”

If asking for feedback in this way does not feel right to you, don’t do it. Find other leaders who have been successful at it, and talk to them. Take your time. If you want information from your team or family about how you can be a better leader, colleague, salesperson, father, CEO, or business partner, there are lots of options.

A process of formal feedback involving anonymous surveys and/or confidential interviews by an outside professional encourages conversations between the leader and individuals, as well as between the leader and the team. Assessment inventories can be customized to focus on specific issues or overall performance. Outside consultants can put the feedback into perspective and/or conduct confidential interviews to gain further information. Videoconferencing and phone coaching to review feedback are becoming more common and successful alternatives. Such survey instruments have even been developed for families. They can be extremely powerful exchanges and can change the nature of relationships forever. If done well, a formal feedback process can, over time, encourage an organizational culture that allows for safe and effective informal feedback.

Whether you pursue feedback informally or formally, you would be wise to consider the following:

Don’t ask during their performance review. Reviews are a formal process of communicating important performance and career development information, and most employees yearn for this feedback from their bosses, especially if a leader does not provide regular feedback outside review time. However, even though your follower might appreciate that you want information about your performance in return, asking for it at the end of a review is terrible timing. Performance evaluations often are emotional experiences, and the employee will be focused on his or her development issues and his or her own career. It is the employee’s review session, not yours. So ask another time.

Clearly state why you are asking for feedback. “I want to be a better CEO for this company, and I need your help in order to do that.” Or, “I am developing a personal action plan to improve how I communicate with you all, and I need your input.” Or, “I want to get better at making you all feel recognized and valued, and I’d like to know your opinions.” Connect the dots. If people do not understand the purpose, they might not want to get involved. When people know why they are being asked for information, how it will be used, and what the benefits of answering are, they will be more likely to extend themselves and offer thoughtful and valuable feedback.

Resist a litany list. Ask for one to three things you do well and one to three that you could improve. You do not want to be so unstructured as to possibly invite a whine session. You want quality feedback, and you want balanced feedback.

Give people time to think. If you choose the informal route, realize that on-the-spot feedback is not usually the best approach. Make this a thoughtful, meaningful experience. Give people a week to devote time and focus on what is important to them and ultimately to you, too. Schedule a conversation or, if you must, exchange e-mails.

When appropriate, announce your plans to ask for feedback. Whether you intend to ask for feedback informally or through structured surveys, let your followers hear you announce your intentions at the same time. This eliminates those unproductive news wires that sound something like “Did you hear that Al asked Linda for some feedback? He didn’t ask me. Did he ask you?” Although you will gather answers from each of your followers individually, asking for feedback all at once is more efficient and sends a clear message that the event is not a secret and that everyone is equally important.

Here is a script that many use with success:

I want to work on being a better leader, and I need your help. I’d like for you to think of one to three things I do as your leader that you like and appreciate. Then I’d like for you to come up with one to three things I could do better to be a better leader to you. I can’t promise I’ll be willing or able to make all the changes you ask for, but I promise to seriously consider all of them. Your input will be important information for me as I create a developmental plan.

Asked whether their leaders accept constructive feedback in a positive manner and without defensiveness, 76 percent of 7444 executives said that there is room for improvement, and 80 percent of those leaders’ bosses agreed.