12.9 Project Team Table Manners

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Like a good parent, an effective project manager sets goals. He or she also lays down the gauntlet in terms of how things shall be. Some of this is a matter of taste, although other choices are imperative. For instance, as a parent you might prefer the civil and orderly dinner table where the kids are fairly quiet, the best manners are displayed, and everyone eats the peas. Other parents prefer the occasion to be more freewheeling, where chatter and camaraderie are encouraged. This is okay, too.

Exhibit 3 lists what I believe are the rules of the road for you and your core project team.

Exhibit 3: Project Team Table Manners

Be prepared. Team members must know their jobs and participate accordingly.
Be respectful. Kidding around is fine, but be supportive of one another, not critical.
Be helpful. Hiding information or otherwise being uncooperative is unacceptable.
Be proactive. If you see storm clouds brewing, pass out umbrellas.
Be generous. Lend Joe a hand if he needs it. Would you not expect the same?
Be a team player. As a former boss often said, "There is no 'I' in 'team'."
Be humble. A losing team has no winners.
Be focused. In the project world, the bottom line is tasks, owners, and dates.
Be positive. No one likes a wet blanket.

You establish these attributes in your project by acting this way yourself - firmly but with grace. Do it consistently, and all but the most dense or dysfunctional people will catch on. Do not be surprised if some are reticent to behave this way publicly even though they will work this way with you beyond the glare of the public lights. That is a good thing, and it is something you can encourage as well. I was on a huge project where the chaos was unrelenting in the early months. It made me recall a similar circumstance years before in an equally sized and complex endeavor that I supported as a vendor. At lunch, the project manager acted like a comedian, but when the bell rang, he was most organized and detail-oriented leader I have ever encountered - before or since.

I eventually understood the effectiveness of his "game face." He commanded respect by being more together than anyone else on the team. He made you feel like your respect was needed for him to do his job, and he was very clearly committed to that accomplishment. His theory was that if stakeholders respect the leader, they rally around the cause far better and their own behavior becomes more mature and professional. This does not eliminate the noise of human interaction, but it does create an environment where the unavoidable flare-ups pass more quickly and things roll along more like one would hope.

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