How Fresh Perspective Brings Leadership Maturity

In some ways, you can’t be a truly mature, wise leader until you go through this passage successfully. Until you’ve grappled with the death of a loved one, an illness, a child who takes the wrong path, or a divorce, you’ve enjoyed a life free of major, personal pain. Personal upheaval humanizes leaders and enhances their ability to connect with other people.

Think about how Jim Ranier, Rudy Guiliani, and countless other leaders were humanized by this passage. They grew wiser and more empathic by revealing their vulnerabilities, being authentic, accepting fate, and moving on.

Remember, though, that experiencing personal upheaval won’t automatically transform you into a wise, empathetic leader. Consider how some people go through a divorce. You’ve probably known a colleague who has been through a difficult divorce, and even if you didn’t know the spouse, you may have suspected a few reasons the relationship didn’t work out. Both before and after the divorce, he treats his direct reports without respect. No doubt this attitude affected other relationships as well, probably his primary one. Some people, however, recognize that the behaviors that produced the divorce are also ones that harm workplace relationships. They comprehend that they can use the lessons of their divorce to create sustainable human connections in all areas of their lives. As a result, they become more human in the best sense of that word.

Death, too, is a harsh but effective teacher. We transcend our grief, anger, and guilt by paying attention to what our emotions are telling us. Some highly energetic, demanding leaders unconsciously deny the possibility of their own deaths. They drive themselves and others mercilessly, neglecting their families and earning reputations as difficult and unpleasant bosses. The death of someone they love, however, offers them renewal—a second chance at being a more understanding person and a better leader. When they accept that death is something they can’t overcome with achievement, power, or money, they moderate their driving, controlling behaviors. They return from a period of mourning with a new outlook on everything in their lives, and this fresh perspective translates into leadership maturity. As the Buddhists say, “If you want to understand your life, practice your death,” which is to say, acknowledging that life is finite enriches it with meaning.

When I was in the rooming house and I had no assets and my children were elsewhere and there was no possibility of reconciliation, it was so easy to feel sorry for myself and to go into a spiral. I think . . . . it’s the life-changing experiences to which you also contribute, like the divorce situation, that are really fundamental in shaping you. I’ve felt like I’ve been under pressure at various times, but I’ve always felt that I knew who I was and what I was trying to do. If people didn’t want that, I always had the confidence that, well, I’ll just move on and I’ll find some other situation rather than allowing other people to control my emotions.

Ray Viault, vice chairman, General Mills