I Don t Deserve the Respect I Get

I Dont Deserve the Respect I Get

Many actors, politicians , physicians, and leaders of all types get all sorts of applause and respect but deep down dont feel deserving of it.

I recall a well-known trainer and facilitator whose job was to stand in front of large audiences amusing them, teaching them things they really appreciated. His name was Daniel. At the end of his presentations, the audience would applaud . Sometimes he would even receive a standing ovation . He told me he always made a certain gesture during the applause time. He would raise his arms so all could see, and he would applaud back. He was attempting to say to the audience, ˜˜No, no . . . its you who deserve the credit. He thought it was a humble way to deal with the incoming appreciation .

Actually, Daniel was one of those people who can never take a compliment. Tell him you liked his shirt and he would make a quick reply that somehow deflected the praise. ˜˜Yes, I like it, toomy wife has great taste. Notice in his response that Daniel wasnt letting the praise in. He didnt know how to let it in. Why? Well, his unspoken view of himself was that he was not so special. When someone said he was special, it just didnt register.

Daniels fakery was obviously in his head. There was no dissonance between what he was doing and what he was capable of doing. After all, he was the guy doing what merited the applause. Daniels fakery was an illusion. He had the sense that he didnt deserve the credit so he felt awkward about acknowledging it.

The solution to Daniels problem came in learning to accept his weaknesses. One day he acknowledged , at least to me, that he wasnt good in one particular area and didnt have credentials in another area. He went on and on trying to justify his feeling of fraudulence.

˜˜I dont really have the data to back up my claims. Sometimes people ask me questions and I have to bluff my answers. Sometimes I speak to groups and dont even know if what Im saying applies. I often dont have the time to research my audience. Okay, okay, sometimes I wing it!

˜˜So, even with all those limitations, are you bringing value to those groups of people? I asked him. His somewhat reluctant answer was in the affirmative . I pressed on. ˜˜And, tell me, do you wing well?

˜˜I am a good winger, he said. I knew that relief was around the corner. ˜˜Do you forgive yourself for winging? Can you accept yourself for not having all the data to back up your claims?

˜˜Well, now that you mention it, I guess I dont have much choice. Daniel was able to declare to himself, ˜˜I am just Daniel, and thats okay.

His presentations changed a bit as a result. He spent more time being honest with his audiences. For example, he would change a sentence like ˜˜People think at the rate of 450 words per minute to ˜˜My impression is that people think very quickly, much faster than they speak.

Daniel felt better. He even learned to take a humble bow while receiving applause and then look at the audience, usually focusing on a few individuals, and mouth the words ˜˜thank you.