The Truth Is, I May Not Measure Up

Catherine walked around all day with a gnawing feeling that there was something wrong. She couldnt define it. She was a senior vice president of a globally recognized transportation conglomerate. Catherine was trained as an economist and was considered very knowledgeable. As a leader of a team of vice presidents , who in turn were responsible for several layers of workers numbering in the hundreds, she held a very powerful position.

Catherines days involved speaking with government leaders and her executive colleagues and attending strategy meetings with her deputies. But something undesirable was always at the back of her mind.

Initially she came to me looking for help because of feedback she had received through her performance review. She couldnt deny what she had been told. Various important people had indicated to her boss that they were frustrated with her. When they asked her questions, she couldnt produce the answers they wanted. She talked too much in meetings. Her deputies lamented that she was unclear and meandering.

Catherine wanted practical coaching advice to overcome these behavioral challenges.

˜˜If the feedback you have received is true, that youre not getting to the point clearly and quickly enough, whats the reason? I asked her. After some dialogue, she expressed that possibly she was not up to the job.

˜˜As a matter of fact, she said, ˜˜Im frightened to death about it. Catherine told me of dreams she had in which she was, in various ways, always looking like a fool in front of others. Her performance review made her feel that the dreams were coming true. Her eyes showing vulnerability, she asked, ˜˜Can you fix it?

The first valuable insight for her was that the gnawing feeling of something being wrong was easily explained. It was fear. The fear was understandable. Her job called for a certain level of knowledge and skill and she felt she wasnt up to it. Her lack of confidence was anxiety provoking. Her fakery was in the difference between her outside persona her role, her imageand her inner concept of herself.

Why did Catherines fakery show up in her dialogues with people? Well, when asked questions about parts of the job in which she felt insecure , her brain would not let her get to the point, lest she be found out. She would go on and on, never really landing on the target point. She was so busy hiding her truth, she couldnt get to any truth. In meetings with her deputies, she feared that they would figure out that she didnt know what she was doing.

The interesting thing is that her insecurity was, in one sense, quite valid. She had a tough job in a challenging industry. When youre pioneering, youre not going to know everything. In another sense, her insecurity was quite unwarranted. She actually was capable of the job. It was her fear of not being capable that was causing the problem. It became a block to healthy communication.

Catherines recovery came from learning to accept her limitations and coming to believe that, even with her limitations, she was acceptable. When she made headway in this direction, an amazing irony took shape. She became more respected. Imagine that! Acknowledging ones limitations leads to being held in higher esteem!

She didnt just have to acknowledge her limitations and her fears to herself; she also had to disclose themwith some finesse, of courseto others. As a matter of fact, the primary solution to her problem was in allowing herself to reveal her limitationsnot her fears, but the real-life challenges she facedto others. She learned to say things like, ˜˜Well, that is a monster problem or ˜˜I actually dont have the faintest idea at this stage, but Im sure we can sort it out.

When the secret was out, the fear of being caught with it disappeared.