HOW TO MANAGE FEELINGS OF LOSS

• Big feelings are okay. Making good choices about how to act out those feelings is important. Adults have choices.

• Move through the stages of grief . (Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, Acceptance) Remember that avoidance of any stage only postpones the inevitable. It is okay to stay in one stage as long as necessary, just don't move your furniture into any particular stage. It is also okay to move back and forth between stages for a while until you are emotionally equipped to complete a stage. This takes some time.

• Avoidance accumulates emotional slush which can become fixed and rigid over time,

• Healing means being willing to go through all the stages several times and then doing it again. It is like going through a tunnel and coming out the other side, or going around a baseball diamond until you get back to home plate. Each time this is successfully accomplished there is potentially more compassion, wisdom and meaning to the loss. By going through the process again it becomes more familiar and less threatening .

• The degree of energy in grief is related to the inherent value of the loss. Grief levels can only be determined by the person experiencing it. This is determined by their perceptions alone. Other perceptions can influence this, but it is very personal.

• Work is an appropriate place to express feelings of loss within some appropriate guidelines and boundaries. It is not necessary or healthy to pretend loss does not exist. Neither is it healthy to express grief constantly or make it central in the workplace. It is helpful to find an honest, open , and measured balance in the workplace. If that balance is lost, there should be no shame, although it may be appropriate to take time to rebalance feelings.

• An old measure of correct grieving suggested by Native American tradition is that the only way to release sorrow is to tell your story 1,000 times. Silence does not serve the grieving process. Find safe listeners. Create safe places to share grief stories.

• Establish a quiet and safe time separate from business to discuss feelings.

• Don't start a feelings discussion with complaints.

• Think out your feelings and write them out.

• Take your time.

• Remember that emotions do not make people weaker.

• Use your energy wisely. Pace yourself.

• Feel your emotions without the aid of anesthesia from drugs, alcohol, food, sex, overwork, gambling or other numbing devices