WHAT EMOTIONAL SPINNING IS
NOT
Emotional spinning is
not
the regular day-to-day feelings
that people experience and
demonstrate
. Emotional spinning is
not
the acute, short-lived moments of agitation or
disturbance that are a reaction to normal challenges.
Emotional spinning is an effect, or process, which endures long
enough to have consequences. Acute processes are like breezes; they
come and go with a bit of a dramatic flair, but are
non-consequential, unless the breeze is carrying a contagious
disease. (The consequences of a toxic-laden
breeze
may be quite
collectively impressive.) When people get together day after day at
work, tension happens and conflicts happen. Tension and conflict
are normal gusts and breezes associated with human beings that hang
out with other human beings. No matter what else human beings
produce throughout a day, they have emotions that produce feelings.
People working together are going to find joy and annoyance as they
associate with one another to create products and complete
performance
tasks
. Human feelings happen and spin into all the
nooks and crannies of human life, including the worksite like
simple breezes blowing across the face of planet Earth. No part of
the Earth is untouched by the wind. This is a
good
thing.
Emotions are good. Emotions are breezes, dust devils and short
windy gusts. Emotional
spins
are more like big winds, tempests,
gales, storms, typhoons, hurricanes, cyclones and
batten
-down-the-hatch-and-head-for-the-cellar tornadoes!
Many human feelings are the kind that can be described as
positive like happy, enthusiastic, hopeful,
ambitious, energized, loyal, and so forth. Some feelings are the
kind that can be described as negative like
angry
, fearful, gloomy, annoyed, tense, and so forth. Some feelings
are
comfy
and some are uncomfortable. Both kinds of emotions,
positive and negative, are normal, human, useful and to be
expected. Emotions are okay, even at the work site. Most
healthy
adults can handle periods of joy and periods of discomfort without
it interfering with their jobs. Most businesses can handle periods
of joy and periods of discomfort without significant risk or
losses. Businesses that
employ
human beings should expect and be
willing and able to handle the full range of human emotional
expression without coming apart at the seams.
HOW TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SPINNING AND ABUSE AND
VIOLENCE
Emotional context is reasonable in life. Emotions are normal.
Even big emotions can be useful and creative. But emotions that
escalate to conflict must be
stopped
long before violence. Violence
and abuse does happen and it happens at work and at home. Women
abuse men. Men abuse women. Men abuse men. Women abuse women. There
are some very scary human beings in the world and in our work
sites. Battering spouses, child abusers, sex offenders, criminals,
and even mass murders have jobs.
Emotional spinning is not
necessarily
abuse or violence. But no
one is immune to the potential dangers of abuse and violence, not
even at work. Abuse and violence are not culturally, ethnically,
racially,
politically
, socioeconomically, or in any other way
limited to one
group
or another. Workplace spinning is an
equal-opportunity issue. So is abuse and violence. It is necessary
for managers to learn how to recognize the difference between
normal conflict that includes big emotions, and abuse or
violence.
Some industries require their employees to be
mandated
reporters
of abuse and violence. Health professionals,
teachers
, law
enforcement and even day-care providers are usually required to
take training on violence and abuse. You and your
employees
can opt
to become mandated reporters of abuse violence toward other people
and find a local or national educator to train your team. Abusers
do not want you to have that information and will downplay the
seriousness of their emotions and yours to create a
deflection
. The
courts are becoming more and more
concerned
with domestic and child
violence and it is becoming more important for businesses not to
covertly support perpetrators, and take
positions
of anti-abuse
advocacy
in their companies.
If you suspect violence or abuse is happening at your work site,
or someone on your team is either perpetrating or suffering from
abuse, check your employee handbook and follow your company's
policies. Then if needed go ahead and call Child or Adult
Protective Services, a Mental Health Crisis Response Unit, or 911.
If you are wrong it will certainly be embarrassing. If you are
right it will
certainly
be upsetting. If you are wrong you might
lose your job. If you are right you might lose your job. If you are
right you may save a life. If you are right and don't make the call
you may read your
name
or someone else' in the headlines tomorrow.
Which headline would you rather read?
You May Be in an Abusive or Potentially Violent Situation
if You:
-
Are frightened of someone's temper
-
Are feeling crazy because someone says you are the cause of the
problems
-
Feel controlled by someone's actions, silences,
moods
, looks,
gestures, voice, threats
-
Have the urge to rescue someone when he/she is in trouble
-
Apologize for someone's bad behavior
-
Make decisions about your activities,
friends
, ideas, according
to what someone else wants or how they might
react
-
Were abused as a child or in another relationship
-
Have been teased,
pushed
, ignored, slapped, chased, punched,
tickled, thrown, hit, humiliated, or
worse
and that person has not
responded to your needs for safety
-
Are forced to have sex, commit a crime, do something unethical
or against your will, or are humiliated for refusal
-
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Are
forcibly
isolated from others
-
Are afraid to express your feelings for fear of someone's
response, or told your feelings were invalid, or that you were to
blame for any problems
You May Be Contributing to Abuse or Potential Violence if
You:
-
Lose your temper frequently or easily
-
Drink alcohol or use drugs excessively
-
Are very jealous, sulk silently when upset, use silence as a
weapon, use explosive behavior as a weapon, have difficulty
expressing
your feelings
-
Criticize and put down people
-
Blame others for problems
-
Monopolize the free time of others
-
Have rigid ideas about roles and control
-
Have broken things, hit, shoved, kicked, tickled, punched,
pushed, slapped, chased, humiliated, teased, physically controlled
or worse, and blamed others for these behaviors
-
Frightened others with displays of anger or threats of danger to
self, children, pets, property, or others
-
Were physically or emotionally abused as a child
-
Saw violence in your family home