HOW TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SPINNING AND ABUSE AND VIOLENCE

Emotional context is reasonable in life. Emotions are normal. Even big emotions can be useful and creative. But emotions that escalate to conflict must be stopped long before violence. Violence and abuse does happen and it happens at work and at home. Women abuse men. Men abuse women. Men abuse men. Women abuse women. There are some very scary human beings in the world and in our work sites. Battering spouses, child abusers, sex offenders, criminals, and even mass murders have jobs.

Emotional spinning is not necessarily abuse or violence. But no one is immune to the potential dangers of abuse and violence, not even at work. Abuse and violence are not culturally, ethnically, racially, politically , socioeconomically, or in any other way limited to one group or another. Workplace spinning is an equal-opportunity issue. So is abuse and violence. It is necessary for managers to learn how to recognize the difference between normal conflict that includes big emotions, and abuse or violence.

Some industries require their employees to be mandated reporters of abuse and violence. Health professionals, teachers , law enforcement and even day-care providers are usually required to take training on violence and abuse. You and your employees can opt to become mandated reporters of abuse violence toward other people and find a local or national educator to train your team. Abusers do not want you to have that information and will downplay the seriousness of their emotions and yours to create a deflection . The courts are becoming more and more concerned with domestic and child violence and it is becoming more important for businesses not to covertly support perpetrators, and take positions of anti-abuse advocacy in their companies.

If you suspect violence or abuse is happening at your work site, or someone on your team is either perpetrating or suffering from abuse, check your employee handbook and follow your company's policies. Then if needed go ahead and call Child or Adult Protective Services, a Mental Health Crisis Response Unit, or 911. If you are wrong it will certainly be embarrassing. If you are right it will certainly be upsetting. If you are wrong you might lose your job. If you are right you might lose your job. If you are right you may save a life. If you are right and don't make the call you may read your name or someone else' in the headlines tomorrow. Which headline would you rather read?

You May Be in an Abusive or Potentially Violent Situation if You:

Are frightened of someone's temper
Are feeling crazy because someone says you are the cause of the problems
Feel controlled by someone's actions, silences, moods , looks, gestures, voice, threats
Have the urge to rescue someone when he/she is in trouble
Apologize for someone's bad behavior
Make decisions about your activities, friends , ideas, according to what someone else wants or how they might react
Were abused as a child or in another relationship
Have been teased, pushed , ignored, slapped, chased, punched, tickled, thrown, hit, humiliated, or worse and that person has not responded to your needs for safety
Are forced to have sex, commit a crime, do something unethical or against your will, or are humiliated for refusal
Are forcibly isolated from others
Are afraid to express your feelings for fear of someone's response, or told your feelings were invalid, or that you were to blame for any problems

You May Be Contributing to Abuse or Potential Violence if You:

Lose your temper frequently or easily
Drink alcohol or use drugs excessively
Are very jealous, sulk silently when upset, use silence as a weapon, use explosive behavior as a weapon, have difficulty expressing your feelings
Criticize and put down people
Blame others for problems
Monopolize the free time of others
Have rigid ideas about roles and control
Have broken things, hit, shoved, kicked, tickled, punched, pushed, slapped, chased, humiliated, teased, physically controlled or worse, and blamed others for these behaviors
Frightened others with displays of anger or threats of danger to self, children, pets, property, or others
Were physically or emotionally abused as a child
Saw violence in your family home