Overused And Undervalued

While most of us have a hard time admitting mistakes and apologizing, some people cannot stop saying that they are sorry. People with this tendency definitely risk appearing weak.

The problem often lies with the double meaning of sorry, and men and women tend to use the word differently. Saying “I’m sorry” can be meant as an apology, and this is usually how men use it and interpret it. However, these words also can be used to express regret (“I’m sorry that happened”) or to show empathy (“I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with this”), and women tend to imply these meanings with “I’m sorry” more than men.

Cheryl, a vice president of finance for a regional bank, had to report in a board meeting that revenues were down for the fiscal year’s first quarter. At the end of her statement, she used the words “I’m sorry,” and the CEO reacted by saying, “Well, you don’t have to apologize, Cheryl.” Cheryl only meant that she was disappointed that revenues were not stronger. Yet she appeared to the CEO to be making an admission of fault or unnecessarily taking responsibility for something that was not her responsibility at all. Unfortunately, the exchange occurred in front of other key executives of the company, making Cheryl look weak to a number of important people.

Gender differences aside, apologies are sometimes given unnecessarily: “Sorry you’re having a bad day.” “I’m sorry, you’ve reached a number that is no longer in service.” “Sorry about the bad weather.” When sorry is an easy and overused word, it loses value. And apologizing too often and for the wrong reasons seems self-deprecating. Of course, if you are really making that many mistakes, you should carefully evaluate your performance. Others certainly are.

Do you see yourself in these everyday situations?

1. When your boss cancels out on your quarterly meeting, do you express your disappointment to the team by saying that you are sorry?

2. The waiter brings you a lamb chop that is rare, and you ordered it medium. When you call him over, do you say, “I’m sorry” before asking him to take it back?

3. Have you ever apologized because it is raining?

4. When the dry cleaners failed to get the spot out of your tie, did you tell them that you were sorry you had to bring it back?

5. When your mail service does not pick up on time and the package will be a day late, are you sorry?

6. When your partner has to have a root canal and you feel bad for him or her, do you say that you are sorry?

7. Your new human resources director insulted a coworker in your meeting. Are you sorry you have to talk to him or her about that?

8. You start talking at the same time as another person. Are you “sorry”?

If you are a person who tends to overuse sorry, consider reserving it for times when you are actually apologizing and want to be taken seriously. Instead: “I feel badly about your root canal.” “It’s unfortunate that we have to talk about the insult you hurled at the sales director.” “I regret that my mail service wasn’t on time.”