the ten laws of geek

so, you want to be an elite hacker, huh? why not? geeks are a very interesting specimen. the following are what i believe to be ten of the most popular geek laws, un-written laws, mind you (until now).

1. thou shalt not syn (synchronize), only ack (acknowledge).

   • geeks are typically known as quiet, reserved people. therefore the first step to becoming a geek is to stfu (shut the f--- up) and start paying attention.

2. thou shalt have seen the movie "hackers" and knoweth it well.

   • i have never met a geek in my life that hasn't seen this movie. it's quite an exaggeration on real life, but is a classic none the less. it is not uncommon to hear quotes from this movie in everyday geek conversation.

3. thou shalt rtfm (read the f---ing manual) before asking questions.

   • nothing is more annoying than someone who just wants the solution to a problem when the answer can be located in the most obvious place. always attempt to learn for yourself. show a little effort.

4. thou shalt help guide those who seek answers, so long as they have complied with law three.

   • with respect to the open-source state of mind, always share information with those who are curious; don't hide it.

5. thou shalt not discriminate against nationality, skin color, sex, age, mental hindrances, physical flaws, sexual preferences, religious beliefs, personal taste in appearance, or music (w/ the exception of metallica).

   

   • discriminating against anything other than someone's annoying personality is simply ignorant. the band metallica is known amongst geeks for their dispute against napster, a file sharing program allowing you to download and freely share music. as far as i am concerned, music was meant to be free. i can understand having people pay to be entertained at a live concert or for merchandise, but people have always been sharing music (they always will) and trying to stop them now just because "everyone" is doing it is pretty arrogant. i don't care how passionate you are, it's not a job; it is a form of expression. i'm sure there are a lot of musicians/radio stations out there who will disagree with me and you're welcome to your own opinion on this. just don't be surprised if you're looked down upon for liking or even listening to bands that share your opinion, especially metallica.

   why it's okay to "steal" music

   let's face it; you might as well be sued for singing along w/the radio in ur car because somebody outside the car might hear it. no, wait…that's legal because it's on the radio right? or is it? maybe it's a cd!! omgz sure it's okay to advertise, you can play the music, sing the music, but you can't have the music. some psychologists believe music can help keep one's sanity, like medication. the riaa is taking away your medication!

   summary: the only difference between downloading a song and learning to play the song on your guitar is there is no difference. just a bunch of hypocritical money-grubbing morons. pwn! music is free. beeyotch! plz dun sue me.

   
   

6. thou shalt not place thyself above thine fellow geeks within the geek chain; thou canst only lower thyself. only via election canst thy rank be promoted, and thou art otherwise equal.

   • nobody likes a cocky individual, and geeks are very respectful to one another regarding this issue. always realize that there is someone out there who is smarter than you. once u reach a certain level of education, other geeks will naturally grow more respectful of you, as if they instinctively sense ur a valuable resource.

7. with respect to the sixth law, thou mayeth challenge the credibility of any self-proclaimed geek, and so mayeth thou invoke the power of the sixth law to deduct geek points from anyone who questions basic geek knowledge.

   • a lot of people call themselves a hacker when they're not, such as script-kiddies. there is no harm in a friendly duel to see whether or not someone is full of bs (bull sh--). losing geek points, for the record, does not make you more of a geek; it is not a good thing.

8. thou shalt treat all computers as thou wouldst treat thyself, for thou art the creator of thine own problems.

   • hey, it is not your computer's fault that you made it run crappy. get with it or get off it. you certainly don't want to trade your every keystroke over to a geek to fix it for you, do you?

   

9. thou shalt help to preserve history, ensure the protection of thine individual rights, and keep information free.

   • this also has to do with the open-source state of mind and the freedom of information. history (and the truth) is as important as much as it can be boring. at archive.org you can actually look up websites that don't exist anymore, kind of like a digital library. it is a very useful geek tool, especially for web developers who forgot to make a backup of their data before neglecting to pay their hosting bill.

10. thou shalt refrain from using thine geek powers for malicious purposes unless upon thyself, within a tolerated environment, or to fend off malicious invasions.

    • hackers are like jedis, crackers are like the sith: do not fall prey to the dark side. if you have no idea what i'm talking about, go watch the star wars movies.

there are many other laws which you will come to learn over time, but the preceding each deserves special notice.