Enemy Territory

Ah, the boss’s office—enemy territory. A lot of people think that any negotiator on unfamiliar ground is at a disadvantage. And not just because the boss purposely limits seating to straight-back metal chairs. According to “negotiation as war” thinking, the person who establishes the negotiation setting will be the ultimate winner of the negotiations. Small victories in preliminary skirmishes add up.

From my point of view, that’s all wrong. First of all, I don’t buy the premise that someone inevitably “loses” a negotiation. A good negotiation, even in a hostage situation, arrives at a solution that everyone can live with—literally. And I don’t like the “negotiation as war” thing at all; if I did, I’d still be a ninja, trying to blow people away.

In my view, negotiations are the opposite of war. And if it’s important for you to be comfortable, then it’s important for the other guy to be comfortable too. Which means, if I’m asking for a raise, I want to do it in the boss’s office. Honest. He’ll be comfortable there, even powerful, and that’s what I want—I want to persuade him to use the power he has to get me the raise.

Newspaper reporters tell me they’d much rather interview a subject in his or her own home than in their newspaper office. The familiar settings put people at ease, lowers their guard. The same thing is true in negotiations. Comfortable people tend to be much more reasonable, or at least less distracted, which helps negotiations proceed. The more secure the guy across the table is, the easier it’s going to be for him to focus on the meat of the negotiation, the stuff that you’re trying to get. If he’s uncomfortable, if he feels threatened, then that’s what the negotiation is going to be about.

One more point about dress and comfort before we move on. While it’s important to feel comfortable yourself, you don’t want the person you’re negotiating with to be uncomfortable. That means leaving the jogging suit you haven’t washed in a month at home when you’re going to a fancy law office to hammer out a divorce agreement. A barrel, on the other hand . . .

American business culture has gotten very casual over the past decade or so, but clothes can still be used to send subliminal messages and set a tone. I’m not telling you how to dress—no laughing out loud, please—but I am telling you to be aware of the message your clothes are sending. The message is often subtle and complex.

Suit and tie in the car dealership? Guy’s got money, a businessman . . . maybe too much money, maybe a little stuffy, tough to negotiate with once he draws a line in the sand . . . not a lot of time, in a hurry, wants the bottom line.

T-shirt under a business suit at a lunch? Creative type, casual . . . might not pay attention to details . . . confident . . . full of himself, arrogant, thinks he’s a star. . . .

Very short skirt—well, you get the idea. You have to be aware that you send messages in all different ways. Don’t send messages that are counterproductive. Send messages that fit with your personal style and comfort level.

Some negotiators spend a lot of time psyching out their opposing number’s preferences, and dress accordingly, usually to show that they’re a member of the same club, sometimes to cause the opposite reaction, kind of the “shock and awe” theory of negotiating. The idea is to use the other guy’s reaction to their advantage. It works for them, but it seems to me that can easily go way too far—I’m not wearing high heels and makeup to any negotiating session, thank you very much.

Other negotiators say that because it’s impossible to completely control another’s perceptions, they try for a fairly neutral appearance, preferring to come off bland rather than skewing the situations. I think that’s a safe bet. Personally, I prefer to err on the nicely packaged but casual side, aware that I’m sending exactly that kind of message—easygoing guy, not particularly threatening, the sort you can talk to in a bar. Depending on the situation, I might wear comfortable jeans, a sport shirt, sport jacket, easy on the jewelry. A watch is an important tool in negotiations—“got to get running” is always an instant out—and I prefer an old-fashioned clock dial and a nice band: not a Rolex, but just nice enough to hint that I’ve done okay in life, or at least at the racetrack last week.

You’re not me and you shouldn’t try to be. Fit your clothes to your personal style, then fiddle with it for the negotiation.