Disrupting Negative Patterns

Trust among employees or among community members builds from the realization of shared hopes. In fact, one definition of trust is "confident hope." Cultivating this kind of hope necessitates a big shift for groups that are stuck in old patterns.

Fortunately, as Part 1 highlighted, everyone has a hopeful side. It is possible to break out of old, damaging patterns and engage the better selves of those who participate in your decision-making group. Organizations and communities can discover the merits of disarmament and collaborative action when group members choose to set aside well-worn verbal weapons and shields to resolve issues and improve results for everyone.

If your organization is stuck in a rut, don't try to fix or repair the situation. Delving into who did what to whom and why the current problems arose is more likely to stimulate unproductive debate as well as deepen the rut. It will take too long to work your way out and require too much backfill. Instead, abandon your fear-driven vehicle and get a better one. Easier said than done, you may think. Participants have a lot invested in their well-staked positions; they have worked hard to get there, and they do what they think is necessary to defend them. Although it's not particularly desirable, a stalemate may feel more secure than an uncertain future.

But patterns can change. A particularly useful exercise for doing so, especially with bitterly divided business or community groups, is "Weapons and Shields." Here's how it works, using the example of Steve, a Silicon Valley executive.

Weapons and Shields

1. Identify your personal weapons and shields. Steve's weapons were compelling logic and artfully phrased arguments wielded to advance his interests. Trained in both business and legal skills, he had a full arsenal at his disposal. He was certifiably effective in debates on both big-picture issues and the tactics to implement them. The problem was that Steve's strengths blocked his ability to hear people who were less effective in presenting their ideas. Their "fuzzy" thoughts and feelings didn't fully compute with him. When people tried to overwhelm Steve's arguments with their emotional appeals, he shielded himself behind "proper procedures" and "correct answers." Although effective in the short term, these defensive maneuvers kept Steve from fully hearing and responding to the nonanalytical values and concerns others raised.

   Steve's weapons and shields weren't inherently bad. In many instances, his skills delivered great clarity and value in business situations, volunteer activities, and even family situations. When he stuck with them in the midst of differing perspectives and conflicts, however, they became liabilities.

   What offensive and defensive measures do you take when conflicts arise? How do your natural strengths or experiences limit your ability to hear and respond to others constructively? When trying to change old patterns, examine the way you relate to others.

2. Set aside your weapons and shields. In this exercise, participants choose rocks to represent their personal weapons and shells for their shields. These physical symbols help each person keep his or her weapons and shields in mind. Then, everyone agrees to set them aside rather than push them so hard.

   Steve took his rocks, representing logic and verbal skills, and his shells, representing the shields of proper procedures and correct answers, and placed them outside the meeting room door. He didn't discard or bury them, because they had inherent value. He agreed, however, that for the duration of the business meeting he'd set them aside.

   When you perform this part of the exercise, be explicit about your weapons and shields. Explain their meaning to each other and give respectful feedback. Sometimes people aren't aware of the tools we employ and how others perceive them. What seems like a shield to the person who holds it may feel like a weapon to someone else.

3. Notice the difference that disarmament makes. Once Steve put aside his weapons and shields, he discovered that he could work with his team more effectively. He and his group came to a deeper understanding of their critical issues and found more workable solutions. Rather than feeling defenseless without his weapons and shields, Steve felt relieved that he no longer had to carry the burden of always playing the warrior role. More effective collaboration became possible, which in turn created shared responsibility for effective results.

   Steve found the Weapons and Shields exercise so powerful that he introduced it to a church organization. Its members had fought bitterly over programs, activities, and a budget shortfall to the point where some people were in retreat from the nasty rumors and endless debates. Everyone found the situation distasteful, but no one could come up with a way out of the fearfilled cycle of behavior.

   When the church members engaged in the Weapons and Shields exercise, one participant suggested that they place their rocks and shells on the church altar, explaining, "These are symbols of our prayerful requests for freedom from the shadow side of our talents when used against one another." The exercise set the stage for the ten-step process, which brought reconciliation for their community and growth in the number of church members and donations.

It's painful when good people become stuck in dysfunctional organizational dynamics. So if something isn't working, don't continue to grind away at each other. If your goal is to engage in more constructive encounters and reap productive results, whatever the situation, invite participants to set aside their weapons and shields. Relinquishing old patterns rejuvenates your organization and relationships.