Step 3 in Action

Step #3 in Action

Tough Issue: Difficult Client Won't Stop Talking

Mark, a contractor, had skyrocketing blood pressure. "I'm trying to finish a $500,000 construction project, and we're already more than $100,000 over estimate as a result of changes from my client Sam," he explained. "What's more, I can't get my work done because he keeps calling me about lots of little details. Our conversations can take up forty minutes or more. I want to be service-oriented and responsive, but I can't go on like this."

A Great Decision Solution

For Mark to get out of this dilemma with Sam, he needed to get to the essence of Sam's underlying feelings about the project. In other words, he needed to listen more deeply. This didn't come easily to Mark. "What do you mean, listen more deeply to what Sam is saying?" Mark asked. "The guy's already talking my ear off !" Since Sam talked so much, Mark had stopped listening. Not surprisingly, Sam talked even more because he sensed that Mark wasn't listening. Mark needed to break this vicious cycle.

After learning about Step #3, Mark asked Sam to tell him what he was thinking, and then he paraphrased Sam's thoughts. Before he answered what Sam said, Mark asked Sam to let him know if he had correctly summarized his feelings.

Sam talked, and Mark listened. Then Mark reflected the feelings he heard embedded in Sam's detailed questions: "It sounds like you've got many concerns about the project and what the changes are costing." "You're right," Sam answered. "I like the changes and feel good about your work. We can live with the new budget. But what can we do to keep on schedule and budget from here?"

Mark explained the overall plan for the remainder of the project. With his underlying concerns addressed, Sam stopped calling Mark so often, and the calls he did make were much shorter—usually only three to five minutes. Reflective listening not only got to the real issue but also made communications much more efficient. Furthermore, it increased client satisfaction, which is key for Mark's word-of-mouth referrals. Sam told his friends and colleagues, "That guy Mark really understands me."