Learn From the Masters

"I know people who are very bright, very knowledgeable," says Steve Adubato, communications coach and author of Speak from the Heart. "They can give you lots of statistics, data, and logic. But they never make a connection with people. What I teach my clients, and what I try to live, is a philosophy that says that we have to try to make a human connection. When you're speaking, that means knowing your audience, knowing what will move them, and knowing what will motivate them.

"I once interviewed Colin Powell about the subject of leadership and communication, and I watched him connect with his audience. Powell was asked to give a speech on the subject of volunteerism and community service. At the cocktail party before his speech, he talked to people in a very casual, relaxed way. He listened to people. Then he took out this little folded-over piece of paper and jotted down a few notes.

"Later, Powell started his speech by saying that although he had come to talk about community service and volunteerism, he wasn't going to preach about it or tell people why they needed to do it. He was just going to talk about some of the people in the audience and how they live it every day.

"He took out the piece of paper on which he had been jotting down notes and he said, 'I was talking to Mary at the cocktail party and she told me that she volunteers two days a week at an AIDS clinic. She said she wanted to give something back. The funny thing is, Mary told me that she gets way more from being there than she could ever give back. It makes her feel good about herself and sends a message to her children and her family about what we owe to other people. And Jim ... Jim has been his son's Little League coach for the past couple of years. Jim gives up his time on a consistent basis to kids who need a mentor, a leader, a father figure, a coach. He makes a difference in the lives of kids every day.'

"Powell went on to mention three or four other people. I watched the audience watch Powell. I watched them feel a connection to him that I had rarely seen in any other situation. He tapped into a side of us that wants to give and wants to share. He used concrete examples of people in that audience.

"When I talked to Powell later and asked him about his approach to communicating, he said that even if he has a prepared speech, he makes it his business to spend time talking to people who are going to be in the audience. He finds out information that's representative of the larger audience—and this gives him a tremendous edge in being able to connect on the human and personal level.

"When you ask people why they feel nervous about public speaking, the answer you often get is 'I don't know the audience. They're strangers to me.' However, if you spent a few minutes with some people in that audience before you started to speak, you would actually have friendly faces in the audience. You would feel a connection to them instead of just saying, 'Five more minutes till I have to speak...Three more minutes till I have to speak.' You build a crescendo of anxiety that doesn't have to exist if you think of it instead as having a conversation with some friendly people you just met."