The Start Of The Relationship

During the first six months to a year of a successful mentoring relationship, says Kram, the young mentee may well hold an unrealistically ideal picture of the mentor. He or she frequently sees the mentor as an extremely competent figure who gives support and guidance. In these circumstances the mentee identifies strongly with the mentor and draws emotional support from the relationship. The young manager feels that he or she is cared for by someone of great importance within the organisation. The opposite, of course, may also occasionally be the case. A mentee may begin the relationship with a great deal of suspicion and an image of the more senior manager as a ‘played-out timeserver'. How well the mentoring relationship works here will depend on whether the mentor wins the mentee's respect as the nature of the job he or she does and the difficulty of the decisions he or she takes become clearer.

For the mentor, the relationship with the mentee can also be highly rewarding during this period. The mentor is drawn to the mentee because of his or her potential and willingness to learn, seeing in the mentee someone to whom his or her own values and perspectives can be passed. In a successful relationship, mentors also derive satisfaction from recognising how they can speed the mentee's growth by supplying advice and support. Many mentors also comment on the sense of pride they have in seeing their mentees progress. Both mentor and mentee develop positive expectations of each other. By the end of the first year they have gained sufficient confidence in each other and in the relationship to set in motion more substantial arrangements for learning.

Observation of European mentoring relationships presents a somewhat different picture. For a start, the initiation phase seems to have two components - rapport-building and direction-setting. During rapport-building, the mentor and mentee test the water - can they work together easily? Deep friendship is not required, simply sufficient mutual respect, goodwill and relevance of experience to begin the journey. Learning how to work together is a process of sharing that will gradually increase in intimacy as trust grows and positive experience of achieving useful insights accumulates. The mentor needs to exercise considerable skill at putting the mentee at ease, encouraging him or her to open up.

Direction-setting involves developing a consensus about the outcomes the mentee desires and some practical ideas about how to get there. The mentor needs considerable skills in helping the mentee clarify personal goals, build commitment to them and develop a practical and, if appropriate, opportunistic plan to achieve the relationship goals. The mentor may also be quite open about his or her own learning goals from the relationship - which in turn helps to reinforce the building of rapport.

A checklist for the first meeting

1. Where shall we meet, and for how long?

   PROP (Professional, Relaxed, Open, Purposeful) for both parties

2. What do we want/need to know about each other?

   Social:

   • career history

   • domestic circumstances

   • interests outside work

   Career ambition:

   • what you enjoy/dislike about working in this industry

   • where you want to be in five years' time

   • greatest achievements/failures

   • what your picture of success is

   • how clear the mentee's career goals are

   Development goals:

   • what the mentee wants to improve in for the current job

   • in preparation for future jobs

   • where the mentee would most value guidance/advice/a sounding-board

3. What will make this a satisfying and useful relationship for both of us?

4. What expectations do we have of each other (ground rules and verbal contract)?

5. What are our priorities?

6. How often and where shall we meet?

7. Do we want to set an agenda for our next meeting?

8. Are there any issues we should get to work on now?