Keeping Relative Promises

Nancy, a senior executive at a utilities company, was given high marks in an assessment survey by her eight direct reports on integrity, job knowledge, risk taking, and coaching—pretty important stuff. Her lower marks were in her consistency, particularly with returning phone calls.

“I never ever call unless it’s important, but I can’t count on her to get back real fast,” one sales representative said. Another said: “I like the autonomy I get with her being my manager. On the other hand, sometimes I need her. And when I do, she’s slow about getting back to me. I never know how long it’s going to be.”

Like so many who do not keep relative promises, Nancy never intended to be unreliable. “I really mean to support my folks, but I get caught up in other things.” We can all identify with this answer, but Nancy’s good intentions do not go very far, and her lack of dependability is in direct conflict with her regular preaching about teamwork.

Of more than 1200 people surveyed in developmental assessments, 77 percent said that their leaders could improve at making realistic commitments. Those in leadership positions who cannot uphold their commitments risk not only their personal reputation but also their organization’s reputation and morale. In our fast-moving and chaotic business environment, I am always amazed when I hear comments like these about people I coach:

• “I always know I will get an immediate response when I ask Sue for help.”

• “Katy consistently follows through on everything that is promised.”

• “David makes and keeps all his promises.”

• “Joe does what he says he will do.”

Why am I amazed? First, because such praises are rare. Second, because Sue, Katy, David, and Joe, just like you and me, are speeding through crazy days, and they actually can do these things!

Many of us are guilty of overpromising and underdelivering. We commit to lunches, phone calls, volunteer events, speaking at the quarterly business breakfast, and so on, even when a voice in our heads is telling us not to. Why do we set ourselves up for such no win situations?

Of more than 1200 people surveyed in developmental assessments, 77 percent said that their leaders could improve at making realistic commitments.

Here are some reasons:

• We want people to like us, so we try to please them by saying “yes.”

• We think that being a team player means we should never say “no.”

• Saying “no” might make us appear uninterested and even selfish.

• We are not really sure that it will fit in our schedule, but we will go ahead and commit and can always cancel later.

• We are careless in making promises and do not first consider whether we are really capable of keeping them.

• We confuse being busy with being productive, so lots of unscheduled time on our calendars looks suspicious.

• We think we should be able to do all these things.

• Even though our words communicate a higher level of commitment, we are really thinking “I’ll try to be there.”

This last reason is brought up a lot in my seminars. Participants often complain of peers who say “I’ll call and we’ll do lunch” and are never heard from. They don’t say “I’ll try to call,” so expectations are created. Good intentions perhaps, but unkept promises like these breed bad reputations and resentment.

Follow-through on commitments is not an easy feat. It takes organization, care, and attention to keep your reputation from falling in the “undependable” and “unreliable” categories. When you say that you are going to have your part of the report done, review the year-end goals over the weekend, schedule time to debrief an employee’s presentation, stop by a colleague’s office, or finish that overdue performance review, you are making a commitment. That the commitment may seem to you like a small thing in the midst of bigger ones does not matter. What is important is that another person understood that you said you were going to do something, and your failure to follow through will disappoint others and hurt your credibility.

There must be a great correlation between your words and your actions or you will be perceived as unreliable and lacking in credibility. Being known as a dependable person, a person who keeps his or her promises, sometimes only requires a higher level of organization (keeping a better calendar). More often, however, it requires that you better monitor what you say. After-the-fact excuses usually do not mean much. It also requires adhering to the following guidelines:

Aim for clear communication to reduce false expectations. Sometimes people are perceived as being unreliable because they are careless with their words. Statements that are meant as “good intentions” can be misleading because listeners often take them to be promises. Strive for clear communication at all times. And don’t forget to first ask yourself: Am I going to try to do it, or am I going to do it? Do I mean to, intend to, or hope to? Or am I going to do it?

Don’t make unrealistic commitments for others. Those who overcommit and underperform often damage not only their own credibility but also the credibility of the department, company, or organization they represent.

Donna is a bright, talented human resources (HR) manager who is very customer-focused. However, her team told me that sometimes her passion for pleasing the customer is damaging. She frequently overcommits, and things do not get done on time, they said. Donna overpromises, and the department cannot deliver. Consequently, her credibility—and her department’s credibility—takes a beating. In a London-based marketing firm, Simone is “one of the smartest people around,” but she often falls into the same trap as Donna. Said one of her peers: “She sometimes takes on more responsibility than she and her department are able to handle, which leads to extreme effort and still missed deadlines. Our reputation within the company is not good because of this.” Larry,

a successful entrepreneur and owner of a manufacturing company, gets so excited about his new products that he sometimes promises a delivery date that cannot be met. His missed delivery dates have become such an expectation that even the sales representatives who carry his line will not start selling the new product until they actually know it is in stock.

Before making a commitment, consider what other parties are accountable to your promise.

All in Favor Say “No”

One of the best and most powerful words in building your credibility is no. “ No, I can’t do that this week.” “ No, I can’t have it for you.” “ No, I’m not going to be able to change that.” The person you say “no” to may not like it. He or she may be annoyed, frustrated, disappointed, or even angry. Credibility, however, is not a popularity contest. Saying “no” is much less damaging than generating mistrust.

When I moved my home from Atlanta to Pensacola, Florida, the moving company told me that my furniture would arrive on a Tuesday. On Wednesday, they said it would arrive Thursday, and on Thursday, I was told it would arrive on Friday. My belongings were finally in my possession on Saturday. When I complained to the highest manager I was allowed to speak with, he told me that the furniture was always scheduled to arrive on Saturday. Apparently my customer service representative knew all along that my possessions would arrive 4 days late but was trying to keep me satisfied. Obviously, while I would have been annoyed to hear on Tuesday that the furniture would not show until Saturday, I would have preferred an initial disappointment over a string of them. And the company, in my estimation, would have kept its credibility. Like most customers met with a broken promise, I would sooner move myself next time than use that company, and I go out of my way to tell others.

To avoid overpromising by saying “no,” follow these guidelines:

1. Do not stray too far from the path. It is easy to spend time and energy on tasks that do not get us any closer to our ultimate desires. What is most important to you? What do you want to accomplish? Determine goals that reflect your core priorities, and do not allow yourself to be easily led astray. For example, if one of your core priorities is to spend more time coaching your direct reports, then spending a certain amount of time each week with them is an important goal. When non-goal-related opportunities arise, you may need to decline.

2. Explain to ease the pain. When saying “no” to someone, follow with a phrase of explanation—not an apology or excuse—to soften the blow. “No, I won’t be able to make the benefit dinner. That’s a really tough week for me at work.” Let your priorities be known, and people likely will understand.

Rethink Before Rescheduling

It happens all the time. You have to cancel the phone call, meeting, lunch—whatever. Maybe it is because you are truly overscheduled, overcommitted, and behind. Or maybe someone else has inconvenienced you. Don’t think people notice when you cancel and keep rescheduling? Think again.

Andy is an HR professional who is fast gaining a reputation you and I do not want. One of his colleagues said, “I have observed, on many occasions, when Andy was committed to either attend an important meeting or facilitate a meeting elsewhere, that these commitments were canceled or postponed at the last minute. Others are concluding that Andy cannot be depended on and that he is not consistent. These last-minute cancellations seem to create a great impact on others in the department, and my sense is that our team and perhaps even people outside our team are losing respect for him. If there is some reason he can’t attend these kinds of commitments, he shouldn’t commit to them in the first place.”

No one’s calendar can or should be set in stone; flexibility is certainly important. But keep a realistic calendar, and avoid cancellations and reschedules. Otherwise, you risk appearing unreliable.