Assertiveness

Assertiveness is based on a philosophy of personal responsibility and awareness of the rights of other people. Being assertive means being honest with yourself and others. It means having the ability to say directly what it is you want, you need or you feel, but not at the expense of other people. It means having

confidence in yourself and being positive while at the same time understanding other people s points of view. It means being able to behave in a rational and adult way. Being assertive means being able to negotiate and reach workable compromises. Above all, being assertive means having self-respect and respect for other people.

A coach needs to be assertive because generally this type of behaviour is the most effective way to communicate with others. The philosophies of coaching and assertiveness are closely aligned “ they are both about personal responsibility and increasing confidence. In order to encourage this in others, it is important that we model this behaviour ourselves .

In order for the coachee to be able to learn, your role is to support his or her self-esteem at all times. Self-esteem means the level of belief you have in yourself and it indicates the level of self-acceptance. It is a way of measuring how worthwhile you judge yourself to be and a way of measuring your psychological well-being.

There are four broad definitions of behaviour. These are:

• passive;

• aggressive ;

• passive/aggressive “ manipulative;

• assertive.

When you are behaving in these ways you are likely to take on one of three roles “ parent, adult or child (as described by transactional analysis).

Assertiveness takes practice. You will find that in some situations and with some people, you naturally become more passive and aggressive. Assertiveness in coaching will positively support both your relationship and the process by enabling you to have an honest and open dialogue. See Figures 13.1 and 13.2 for more information.

Figure 13.1: The relationship of self-esteem and assertiveness

Figure 13.2: The relationship of assertiveness to parent-adult-child ego states