What you do | Coaching Handbook: An Action Kit for Trainers and Managers

This is the point where coachees may start to feel vulnerable. They may feel as if you will be judging them or getting them to confess their weaknesses. Therefore, overcome some of these anxieties by starting with a reminder of the purpose of your discussions.

Explain to coachees that this is an important part of the learning process, the purpose of which is to review their performance during the activity with a view to assessing how near they are to achieving their coaching goals. To this end it is important that the coachee is open , honest and willing to discuss what happened . It may be a useful time to remind coachees that you are there to help and not to criticize or judge.

The whole point is to review what happened, the outputs and feelings, and compare them with the required performance outcomes . So it is important to revisit the original purpose for the coaching and review against your objectives.

Tips to help your coachee relax

Arrange to meet in a neutral place.
Allow sufficient time for a prolonged discussion.
Focus your attention fully on the coachee “ leave all your day-to-day distractions at the door.
Use open questions to encourage discussion.
Remember the impact of your body language and tone of voice.
Ensure that the environment is comfortable “ consider heating, lighting, seating, availability of refreshments etc.

Your role as a coach is to help progress the review discussion to encourage the coachee to evaluate his or her own performance “ using your skills and qualities of questioning, listening, challenging, encouraging, observing and giving feedback to support the process.

There are three phases to this discussion. They are:

Discussing what happened during the experience. Considering the facts and the implications of what happened.
Discussing why things happened the way they did. Coming up with a set of theories about the experience.
Discussing what might be done differently, how this will benefit the situation and consider what needs to be repeated.

What comes first “ self-evaluation or feedback?

Self-evaluation is the art of reflecting on your own performance in as objective a way as possible. It involves thinking about what went well, what difficulties you experienced and what you would do differently next time. Feedback involves a third party describing to you what he or she heard or saw, the impact of this and what he or she would like to see in future.

So, should you get the coachee to self-evaluate and then give feedback or do you give feedback and then get the coachee to self-evaluate? Most writing on this topic advocates using self-evaluation first. The logic seems to be that if the person does this, he or she will be more likely to hear the evaluation and take notice of it. It is considered more beneficial for individuals to identify their own mistakes than to have them pointed out. It is all about ownership “ if I identify my mistakes, I will own them and it is more likely that I will correct them; if someone else points out my mistakes I am more likely to get defensive and cling on to the old way of doing things.

We do not dispute the value of self-evaluation; however, our culture has conditioned us to look outside ourselves to validate what we are doing. A ˜Well done from our teacher generally means a good deal more than the feeling of ˜I have done that well . Even in adult life we all have examples of when we have felt good about something and have been disappointed by someone else s reaction. On occasions we may even have had the opposite response “ we think we have done a mediocre job and someone else tells us it was excellent ! In reality most of us want to know what the other people think and until we do we may not be able to give an honest self-appraisal. It is hard to open up and be honest if you think the other person may disagree .

Our conclusions are that there seem to be two options. Firstly, give some overall feedback and then let the coachee self-evaluate, eg ˜Generally I thought you did very well; you picked up on most of the things we planned. What are your thoughts? . The second option is to ask the coachee how he or she wants to structure the conversation with a statement/question such as ˜I want to hear from you how you think it went; I also have some views of my own. How would you like to do this? .

Sometimes when you have a specific message to give, self-evaluation used first can muddy the issue or not give you the platform you hoped for. For example, if the performance was poor, and the coachee s self-appraisal is that it was excellent, you have set up a potential conflict situation, which might have been avoided if you had given your feedback at the start. A second example could be where the coach asks the coachee what he or she could have done differently, the coachee says x, which is not the answer that the coach wanted.

The coach then asks what else, which shows the coachee that the coach has something in mind but introduces a guessing game. The motive could be kindness or the coach s need to be clever.

Fundamentally, your approach depends on the people involved and the situation. What we recommend is that you seriously consider your approach and what is right for the coachee.

Giving feedback “ the coach s observations

The word feedback is used to describe constructive comment about actions, situations or issues. This means it can provide praise, as well as point out areas for improvement. Whatever process you use to give feedback, your motive is to help the other person develop. Consider the feedback that you are going to give and ask yourself two questions: Why am I doing this? How will it help the other person?

The following is a list of factors to consider:

Concentrate on the behaviour not the person.
Direct the feedback towards behaviour that the person can do something about.
Be specific.
Use observations not inferences.
Give feedback as soon as possible after an event.
Be clear about your motives.
Give positive as well as negative feedback where appropriate.
Don t overload a person with feedback.

Before giving feedback, consider the likely reaction of the coachee. Put yourself in the coachee s shoes “ what might he or she say? This will help you to plan and be prepared for whatever might happen.

Model for giving feedback

Tell the person what you have observed . Concentrate on performance and behaviour (what we do) rather than personality (what we are). Give specific examples that the person can link to the precise behaviour and circumstances.
Explain the result of what you have observed. For this, you need to ask yourself ˜How did the behaviour affect the situation or people involved? What was the general effect and how did you think or feel? . This could be a good or negative impact and you need to explain why it was good or bad.
State that you want to look at options for the future. Initiate a conversation about options for improvement or change, or how to maintain good performance.

Receiving feedback

One of the challenges of giving feedback is our fear of how the other person will receive the message that we are giving. As a coach, you may need to help your coachee with some tips on how to receive feedback and you need to be prepared to receive feedback yourself. Coaching should be a two-way process; your coachee may want to comment on how you have performed or behaved during the process and we would encourage you to actively seek this evaluative information.

Some coaches may not ask for feedback because:

They feel that the whole process should be focused on the coachee and therefore they have no right to ask for the feedback.
They believes that they must ˜play the teacher and therefore it would not be appropriate to ask for feedback.
They feel insecure in their abilities and therefore do not want to ask for feedback for fear of hearing something detrimental.

All of these reasons are valid; however, the whole principle of coaching is around improving performance and therefore coaches should lead by example.

Model for receiving feedback

We would like to thank Andrew Rea for the process that we have included in this section.

Listen

Don t interrupt whilst the feedback is in full flow, listen carefully to what is being said to you. In most circumstances it will be information that will support your development.

˜Right. . .. uuummmmm. . . OK

NOT

˜I didn t!!

Check your understanding

Make sure, after the person has finished speaking, that you understand what he or she said. Try to paraphrase it back for clarity.

˜So you are saying that when I said , ˜Only an idiot could have designed our Bought Ledger system that the system designers went red and tears came to their eyes? NOT

˜You re talking rubbish.

Try not to be defensive

Some feedback can hurt and be painful to hear. Even positive feedback can be hard to accept and we tend to brush it off. Control your own feelings.

˜Thank you. No-one has ever told me that before about my smile. NOT

˜Flatterer!!

Ask for examples

Your feedback giver may not be working to the rules of feedback but there is nothing to prevent you from asking for examples and for specific information to enable you to judge the quality of the feedback.

˜When and how did I upset Pat?

NOT

˜Pat s always in tears.

Choose what to do with the feedback

You can accept feedback and try to change your behaviours for the better or can totally reject the feedback and carry on as before. Here is where your judgement and feelings about the giver come into play and also what you think are that person s motives for giving you the feedback.

Your options are:

LISTEN and try to change.
LISTEN and try to gather more data.
LISTEN and ignore.

Relate to other situations and experiences

Check your memory of similar events in the past. Have others cried when you talked with them or ˜got a bit annoyed ? Have others revealed more to you when you plan interviews and use open questions? Is this feedback an isolated incident or does it fit into a pattern? If in a pattern, could things be different for you if you tried to change or not?

Check feedback with others

Go and talk with others who were at the same meeting, interview, etc and see if their observation of the facts and feelings they had matched those of your feedback giver. This is where you can check if there has been any ˜dumping on you by the giver.

Thank the giver for the feedback and let him or her know how you feel after receiving it.

It is not easy to give feedback in a constructive manner “ especially negative feedback “ so recognize that it might have been a painful process for the giver as well as for you, the recipient.

˜Thank you for that information about my choice of language at that meeting. I feel upset that I didn t see that I had distressed some people, and didn t calm the situation at the time. I will check out your feedback with Micky who was there too and then decide what to do about the systems designers.

NOT

˜Thanks a bunch you ratbag, how many other people are you going to insult today?

Dealing with coachee reactions to your feedback

Let s imagine that you have given your coachee some feedback relating to your observations and he or she has reacted badly “ having begun by denying that what you saw is what happened, the coachee has now given you a range of excuses for it. The coachee is obviously upset and at this stage he or she is probably being defensive. So what can you do?

You should have considered this possible reaction before giving your feedback and ideally have built up a strategy for dealing with it, based upon your knowledge of this person. However, if you have not “ or even if you have and your strategy is not working “ the first thing that you must do is ˜ centre yourself. This may sound like a very ˜fluffy term , but what it means is that you must take control of your own emotions about the situation. Remember what you are trying to achieve “ what are the objectives of the coaching process? Have confidence in the quality of the feedback you are giving “ your feedback is based upon facts and not inferences. Remember that, similar to an angry customer reacting to a member of staff in a shop, the coachee is not reacting to you, but to what they have heard you say or even what they have done. Don t get drawn into an argument “ ˜stay on the same side .

Once you have centred yourself, consider addressing the behaviour that the coachee is exhibiting now. Move away from the activity and potential arguments of ˜Yes, you did , ˜No, I didn t and tell the person what he or she is doing and the impact it is having on you and/or the feedback process. At this point you may find the following expressions useful:

˜ I note that you seem to be upset.
˜ It s almost as if you think I m picking on you.
˜ You are shouting at me. Please stop; I don t like it.
˜ You seem to feel very strongly about this. Can we talk about that? It is important to me that we don t fall out about this.
˜ My intention was to explain what I saw.
˜ Tell me how you feel/what you are thinking now.

Having addressed the reaction to the feedback, establish with your coachee whether you can carry on now or need to meet at a later date.

Self-appraisal “ the coachee s perception

The purpose of self-appraisal (self-evaluation) is to get the coachee to reflect upon his or her own performance and behaviour. While mainly we will ask coachees to do this in an objective way, an important part of the process is encouraging them to respond to their own intuitions about the situation or activity. It is difficult for any of us to be objective when faced with ourselves! So, in addition to asking them to think about what went well and what difficulties they experienced, they should also ask ˜How do I feel about this?

To a certain extent, everybody self- evaluates . The question is what people do with the results of their self-evaluation. Are they constructive or destructive? Do they ask themselves ˜What can I learn from this? and then move on or do they go over and over their ˜mistakes until they are gibbering wrecks who cannot function? The difference is on the focus “ are they looking to the future, thinking about next time or are they stuck in the past? The role of the coach is to help their coachees to keep moving towards their desired outcomes.

So, how do we self-appraise? There are many ways in which you can encourage your coachee to self-appraise; however, a simple and straightforward method involves asking a series of questions:

What happened?

What aspects of it were positive?
What aspects were negative?
Why were they positive and negative?
What do I want to replicate next time?
What do I want to avoid next time?
How will I do this?

Ideally the coachee will be able to work through these questions and then discuss ideas with you, the coach. However, we all know that this is not an ideal world and you may need to ask these questions and challenge the coachee s answers during the subsequent discussion.

Another technique is to use learning logs or reflective journals. A learning log is a tool to assist reflection. Just as with a personal diary, it is rare that the coachee will be able to write notes about the activity as it is happening. However, it is vital that the coachee completes the learning log immediately on completion of the activity “ the coaching plan should therefore include time for completion of the learning log.

The learning log given in Figure 10.1 is for guidance only “ support coachees as they create a learning log that fits their style. Some people prefer to have a blank notebook; others prefer to use a lined pad and a folder. Another alternative is to use a Dictaphone or even a video camera to record the learning.

Figure 10.1: A sample learning log

One suggestion is that the coachee uses a learning log pro forma similar to that which the coach has used for his or her observation notes “ this will make it easier to discuss and compare thoughts during review meetings.

Other techniques for self-evaluation can be found in Part 3. Whichever technique you and your coachee choose, self-evaluation has to be part of the coaching plan.

Third-party feedback

We have already recommended that you do not pass on third-party feedback to your coachee. If third-party feedback is to be involved then your coaching plan should include the coachee collecting this feedback; however, you will need to discuss it at your review meetings.

Be prepared for different reactions from your coachee to this type of feedback. Imagine a scenario where the coachee thinks he or she has done well but a customer or colleague thinks the opposite “ who is correct? It could be that the other person is measuring the coachee against different standards or has different expectations; in which case, neither is right or wrong. You and your coachee need to discuss why the difference exists; look again at the facts and why the coachee thinks the experience has gone well. This is where you need to ask some probing questions about what really happened.

Planning for improved performance

This is the point where you need to pull the evidence and reflections together and ask ˜What does it all mean? within the context of what we are trying to achieve. Scientifically, this could be as simple as listing the original objectives, putting evidence next to the objectives to show where the coachee did and did not meet the criteria and noting the gaps.

In reality, it may be harder, as some of the evidence may not easily link to the objectives or there may not be sufficient evidence that the desired performance goals have been achieved. In the first instance, the implication is that the coaching plan was flawed and/or the methods chosen were inappropriate. In the second case, a lack of sufficient evidence means that there is a need to redo the task and collect more “ perhaps targeted at the specific things missed the first time. In both cases, it could be a reflection on the quality of evidence “ perhaps the observer missed some elements of behaviour or the coachee is not being truly honest.

When you have considered the experience from all angles and discussed why things happened the way they did then it is time to move on to action planning. You are ready to think about what needs to happen next time.

You now begin to highlight options for action. At this point you will have a list, arising from the activity and subsequent analysis, of what worked for the coachee and what did not produce the desired results. This list is a valuable asset as it tells the coachee what he or she needs to do “ it provides information about how close the coachee is to achieving the coaching objectives. What you need to do now is look at all the gaps and come up with options for closing them. In addition to this you will be looking at what the coachee has done well and how this good performance can be maintained . This is then going to be turned into a plan of what the coachee will do next time he or she carries out this job or task.

The art to this stage is creativity “ producing ideas, thinking ˜outside the box and looking at all the possible routes to the required outcome.

Your role as coach now is to:

encourage creativity;
maintain a non-judgmental attitude about the ideas;
facilitate the coachee to produce ideas;
offer suggestions;
write all the ideas down.

Your job is to encourage the coachee to produce ideas and stop him or her discounting or selecting options until later. In order to do this, you must have an open mind yourself and not be thinking that there is a right or wrong answer (or if you know there is a right answer, you must allow the coachee to get to the next stage where he or she will explore the pros and cons of each option).

Hence the requirement to ask open, and sometimes challenging questions, such as:

˜What could you do?
˜What needs to happen?
˜What didn t you do this time?
˜What else could you do?
˜What other options did you have?
˜If you didn t do that next time, what could you do instead?
˜What do you wish you had done?

It is your role to stop the coachee coming up with one solution and deciding that that is the only way forward “ selection comes later.

There may be times when coachees have no ideas “ they are not happy with how they have performed but can t see options for changing their behaviour. In this situation, you want them to think about what is unsettling them; you may need to return to the evidence “ ˜This is what you did, what happened and how do you feel about it? This in itself may help them identify alternative behaviours and strategies.

However, you may need to give them ideas or options “ being careful not to lead them into thinking that your solution is the right one! We recommend the statements:

˜One option is. . .

or

˜What would happen if you did. . .

or

˜Other people have found that. . .is effective.

Once you have identified all the potential options for filling the gaps in performance, you and the coachee need to revise the original coaching plan with the decisions about what needs to happen next. In effect, this takes you back to Stage 3 of the coaching process (see Chapter 8), ready to repeat Stage 4 (see Chapter 9) and so on until you have achieved all the objectives. Remember to discuss how the coachee will maintain effective or good behaviour/ performance.

You may have met all the development needs “ in which case there will be no further performance gaps “ you are now ready to end the coaching relationship.