Why Reaction Is What Counts

People typically feel sorry for themselves when they have bad bosses, because they feel deprived and let down by their organization, or they suffer at the hands of an authority figure. They react angrily when they have competitive peers because they feel threatened, challenged, or vulnerable. Some may suffer loudly; others suffer in silence, but their dominant reaction is emotional pain. This reaction doesn’t facilitate learning. As we’ve noted about other passages, it’s not the event itself that harms careers but people’s reactions to the event. You can choose to be miserable, or you can choose to make the best of a difficult situation.

Making the best of it means viewing your bad boss or peer as a teacher on your path rather than as an obstacle. Really bad bosses, for instance, can teach you a lot about trust. It’s a terrible feeling when you think your boss has broken this bond of trust. If you’re paying attention (rather than focusing exclusively on self-pity), then you’re much less likely to commit the same error when you’re the boss.