Final Thoughts

If you find that your boss thinks poorly of you, there is no easy way out. Either it is about you, or it is about him or her—and in either case, it’s still about you. There is no way out of a poor relationship with anyone, including your boss, without a strong sense of self-awareness.

Without such a sense, you may be tempted to deny your accountability, deflect your responsibility, or disengage from the relationship altogether.

Take the time to learn what is in your way. While having a difficult relationship with your boss may not be entirely your fault, it is impossible to determine that without first identifying exactly what is missing. Take a close look at your key result objectives, your performance against those objectives, and your behavior. Learn about your own needs and values, and get clear on how your behavior changes when your needs are unmet. Maintain or buff up your self-awareness, motivation, and optimism; learn how to accept feedback; and create your plan to rebuild the damaged relationship.

Sometimes there is just no repairing the broken trust or restoring lost credibility, but even if you sense that this is the case, do not throw in the towel until you know for sure. Seek out an objective viewpoint from a coach. A good coach will help you clearly see what is missing, identify and get over your hurdles, and decide how to proceed—all the while maintaining objectivity and confidentiality. (See the resource section of Chapter 15 for coach referrals to fit any budget.)

If you are comfortable talking over your situation with an internal mentor, a human resources representative, or a close friend, try that. Remember, though, that an internal mentor, human resources representative, or friend may be less than objective in her or his view of what you have experienced. As you speak with such a person, make it clear that you are looking for objective and constructive feedback and recommendations, that you want confidentiality maintained, and that you are not just looking for solace or consolation.

Once you are certain you have reached the point of no return, see “When All Else Fails” in Chapter 13.