What to Do If a Sexual Predator Is Victimizing Your Child


Your 12-year-old child comes to you one evening after dinner with an anxious expression and blurts out that somebody he thought was an online friend has asked him to do something scary. You can tell he's uncomfortable, and he has probably made some kind of mistake he feels guilty about. You close the door, ask him to sit down, and think about what you should say next.

React Appropriately

Your first reaction at this moment should be to put yourself in your child's shoes and not be judgmental. Your child has come to you. This took both a lot of courage and a lot of trust that you would understand and help. Yet often many people's first reaction might be to say something like, "How could you have...?" This can violate a child's trust and make him feel you are blaming him. The likely consequence of that approach will be that he or she feels worse and won't come to you again. So, first you have to make sure your child feels supported and knows that you are on his side. Teaching safer behavior comes later. Right now you need to take appropriate actions to solve the existing problem and help your child.

Be sure to praise your child for having the courage to approach you so that together you can protect him and your family. If you discover the predator is a family member, it is especially important to support your child. Be absolutely sure you recognize that the person who has approached your child is the predator, and your child is the victim, no matter what kind of information or material your child has placed online.

This avoidance of blame is especially important because predators often work very hard to make the child feel guilty about whatever has happened. They do this to reduce the likelihood of the victim telling others about what's going on and to increase their victim's sense of being trapped in the abusive situation. Predators might use phrases such as "I only did this because I thought that's what you wanted" or "You wouldn't have come here if this isn't what you wanted" or "You shouldn't have made me angry."

Keep in mind that children (and adults) are often mentally manipulated and groomed for a considerable length of time before any physical abuse takes place. They might even have come to feel very dependent on the approval of the predator, or believe they are in a "love" relationship.

Ask the Right Questions

Begin by gathering information in a sensitive and understanding way. Who has contacted the child? What has that person asked of the child? What made the child feel uncomfortable? It is critical that you keep a level head and supportive attitude as you piece together an understanding of what has happened or is happening.



Look Both Ways. Help Protect Your Family on the Internet
Look Both Ways: Help Protect Your Family on the Internet
ISBN: 0735623473
EAN: 2147483647
Year: 2004
Pages: 157
Authors: Linda Criddle

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