Protecting Yourself


A little prevention can come between you and heartache or even physical danger when it comes to online dating. To protect yourself while looking for a partner online, consider following these guidelines:

  • Select your online dating company carefully. Look for an established, popular site with plenty of members and a philosophy that matches your own, as different sites cater to different audiences. Popularity can be a good indicator that a dating service is keeping members happy and safe. Spend time evaluating their tools and policies for online safety. Some sites conduct a background screening, but do not feel lulled into safety by this claim. Standards vary for what is included in a background check, and cybercriminals might slip past even the best of these. And never use a site that doesn't provide an easy way for you to report problems or that doesn't take appropriate action when notified of a problem.

  • Maintain anonymity to protect your identity. Don't include your full name, phone number, where you work, or detailed location information in your profile or during early communications with potential dates. Leverage the e-mail system provided by the dating service to create a separate e-mail account. If you do choose to use your regular e-mail (which I don't recommend), turn off your e-mail signature feature and be sure that your e-mail address does not provide information about you. Make a conscious choice about the image you are projecting in your e-mail alias or account name. BostonSailor, skilovrUtah, or words such as foxy, flirty, sexy, hopeful, waiting, and so on, say things about you that you might not have intended.

    Think About It

    You are probably so used to signing e-mail and letters with your real name that it is easy to forget to protect your identity when communicating with a potential date. Take your time when you write, and you'll be less likely to make this mistake.


  • Be smart about choosing profile pictures. Make sure your photos reflect what you want to say about yourself. Many people post provocative pictures and then are surprised by undesirable responses. Also ensure that your images do not contain identifying information, such as landmarks, a beer can from a local brewery, or a T-shirt with your company logo. If anybody presses you for identifiable information before you are ready to share it, consider that a warning flag.

  • Check to see if a potential date has a reputation among other daters on the service. It isn't foolproof, but could provide some insight about a potential date. If the reputation isn't rock solid, move on.

  • Proceed carefully and always trust your instincts. Be slow to trust anybody you meet online. Keep in mind that you don't have to provide your last name, address, or phone number to meet somebody for an in-person date. Don't paint a picture of your life in the first e-mail: Give people enough information to know what you're about but not so much that they can learn who you are. Trust your gut feelings if somebody seems too good to be true. Don't build a fantasy around a photo that might or might not be real. Look for danger signs such as displays of anger, frustration, disrespect, or any attempt to control you. If somebody fails to answer direct questions or provides inconsistent information about their looks, job, marital status, and so on, walk away and report this to the site. Keep in mind that it is not only women who get stalked and harassed, or whose homes get robbed while they are on a date.

    Think About It

    While communicating with online date candidates, consider blocking caller ID on your phone or use a cell phone that can't be easily traced to your address.


  • When in doubt, slow down. You don't want to date anyone who doesn't respect your need to feel safe about your choices.

  • You have the right to walk away at any time. You don't have to explain, apologize, or reply to a follow-up e-mail if you decide to walk away. Most dating sites have a feature that allows you to block the person from contacting you if you want communication to stop (a great reason to leverage the site's e-mail system and not use your own account name).

  • When you decide to meet, create a safe environment. Keep first dates short (lunch is a good idea), and agree to meet in a public place during a busy time of day. Avoid any activity that leaves you alone, such as a hike or drive. Make sure somebody knows where you're going. If you do move to another location, call first to notify others of your plans. Always bring a cell phone and schedule a check-in with a friend or family member. If your date doesn't look like his or her photo, walk away and report it to the dating service. If they lie about their looks, they might lie about other things. Use your own transportation; never accept a ride. If you feel unsafe, don't apologize; excuse yourself to go to the restroom, ask someone for help, or tell a waiter, the people at the next tableanyoneand just get out. If you are concerned about physical danger, call the police and make sure there are others nearby while you wait for help to arrive.

  • Don't be a fool in love. Even when you feel you have met the "right" person for you, tread carefully and keep your defenses in place. Always make careful choices regarding any information you provide or the level of intimacy you engage in. While this person might truly be the right fit for you, bear in mind that building trust and credibility is also a key predatory tool.

  • Report fakes and other predators. The best online dating sites dedicate resources to quality control and respond quickly to reports of abuse, but no site can catch everything. Use the systems provided to report members who don't behave appropriately, and if your concerns aren't dealt with satisfactorily, switch sites.

  • If a date asks you for a loan or any financial information, no matter how sad the "hard luck" story, it is virtually always a scam and you should report it. If their stories weren't convincing, con artists would never make money. Remember that scam artists are pros at manipulation of your pocket book, your information, and sadly, sometimes your heart.



Look Both Ways. Help Protect Your Family on the Internet
Look Both Ways: Help Protect Your Family on the Internet
ISBN: 0735623473
EAN: 2147483647
Year: 2004
Pages: 157
Authors: Linda Criddle

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