We re All Fakes

Were All Fakes

To some extent, given that we all operate on the assumption that self exists as a separate entity, even though we know that since it is a meta-level construct, it does not really exist, we must all operate as fakes. We must operate in the world even though we really cannot pin down just who is doing the operating.

Lets look at an example of the judgments that we fakes make. Lucinda wakes up every morning about two hours before she has to leave so that she can do all the sprucing up she thinks is necessary to look right for her job. Lucinda judges herself, usually unconsciouslythough sometimes painfully consciouslyas unattractive. Of course, at the object-level , there is no such thing as unattractive. It is a subjective judgment that Lucinda makes, regardless of how society defines attractive. So, thats her ghost. She ascribes ˜˜ugliness to herself even though there is no real ugliness in the object world.

Then she goes about her day meeting people and being sociable, while privately and unconsciously holding on to the belief that she does not deserve their attention because she is ugly. She feels torn between what she believes about herself and how she behaves. She doesnt accept herself for what she is. She doesnt accept her looks.

When Lucinda receives a compliment, her first reaction is to deflect it. She does so both publicly and privately. Her public response to a compliment is to say something like, ˜˜Oh, youre very kind. But noits really nothing special. Her private response is to reject the compliment outright and then to judge the other person as being a fraud. No compliment could ever speak the truth about Lucinda, as far as she is concerned .

So she goes about her days leading a kind of double life. She behaves as though she looks normal while privately thinking she is ugly. And she feels great angst over the hypocrisy.

Consider how Lucinda is lost in a world of constructs:

• First, she is not ugly. She just is. Her value judgment against her appearance has gone too far.

• Second, she compares herself with what she thinks others define as good looking, but that ˜˜good lookingness doesnt really exist either. Its just an artificial construct.

• Third, she judges herself to be a hypocrite because of the alleged falsity and feels significant angst about it. She judges herself over constructs, in some kind of meta-meta manner. Lucindas judgments have taken her out of the world of objects.

We cannot and should not dispense with the meta-level judgments we make. But it would be smart to balance them, to keep them in perspective. Actually, in my coaching and managerial work, I am most impressed by people who acknowledge the fakery of their lives and continue in the inevitable fakery of life. Their acknowledgment of their fakery is the key. When we dont acknowledge our fakery, we participate in a bad faith, in a lie we tell to ourselves. We lie to ourselves when we assume our value judgments are necessarily true. We say, ˜˜Its my opinion, so it is allowed. Well, it is allowed, but dont lose sight of what it is.

Many of us would benefit greatly from shining a light on the lies we tell to ourselves. Doing so would help us break free of the illusions we hang on to.

Think of a man who does the same job for fifteen years and never advances to the next level. He tells himself hes good at what he does. He provides well for his family. Hes never surprised by what faces him on Monday mornings, because hes seen it all. These are good things.

What he avoids, however, is the truth that lies deep inside him, the truth that hes grown completely apathetic and halfhearted about his job. It doesnt fill him up anymore. It doesnt challenge him. Yet hes convinced himself that its okay because of all the positives it provides. By doing so, he denies himself other possibilities that exist, possibilities that he will never see if he continues in his status quo. Were he to acknowledge the truth of his situation, admitting that he is bored and dissatisfied, he would cause an agency to well up within him, a sense of urgency to move. It would allow him to be true to himself, would cause him to take the necessary action to change his life.

For me, the truth is that there are objects in the world and there are my opinions about those objects. My opinions come across to me as though they are the truth. So, too, does my sense of self give me the feeling of being substantial. I need my opinions to operate. I need my sense of self to operate. But my growth depends on getting some perspective on these things. Humility is good. It sets the stage for progress in overcoming the behaviors possessed by the types defined in this book. They too derive from the meta-world of opinion, meaning, and self.