Daily Distortions

Deception comes in different shapes and sizes, from outright lies and exaggerations to evasions and half-truths. Some dishonesty comes in the form of casual informalities, lies so common that we actually have come to expect them. Julia Kirby, editor of Harvard Business Review, feels that there has been a “disturbing tolerance of—and even collusion with—some forms of dishonesty” (Computer World, 3/11/2002). She warns of a tolerance shift: “We’re not going from black to white, but there’s a really important shift in the gray area.”

You might ask, “But aren’t white lies all right?” Whether it’s gray areas or white lies, we seem to be justifying our lies with color coding. When social niceties bleed over into dishonesty, people can become suspicious. How many times have you heard, “I was just going to call you!” and wondered, Really?

Dishonesty is useful for making lives easier. “Oh you have that new software? I want to load it on my computer, too.” Let’s face it, we are immune to those scary warning labels. Consider our excuses: “I don’t think I received that e-mail.” “My secretary must have forgotten to put it on the calendar.” “I thought it was okay to share that.” Telling someone that you can’t do lunch with them because you have a meeting may be more comfortable than telling them the real reason—that you are having lunch with a mutual friend and do not want to feel obliged to make it a threesome. And excusing tardiness to a meeting with “terrible traffic” is easier than suffering your boss’s disapproval of the real reason—you overslept. Let’s face it, we are so blas about our lies that we do not even try to be original.

While daily distortions may not be on the scale of an Enron lie, they still chip away at credibility. If earning credibility is your priority, you must break current codes of conduct and climb to the high road of honesty. Here are some tips for getting there:

Take note. So many of our daily distortions are just lazy habits. Start paying close attention to what you say. Ask yourself at regular intervals in your day: Have I said anything that is not exactly true? If you did, examine why you said it, and consider what you could have said instead.

Think first. Ending daily distortions takes commitment and discipline. Try to remain mindful while you interact with others.

Pledge accountability. Commit to being honest even when doing so might make you appear less than perfect.

Swap kind truths for fake praises. Some people compliment carelessly. Be thoughtful and sincere with your kindness. Maybe “You’ve got really strong speaking skills, and I liked the way you opened your presentation” is more truthful than “That was the best customer pitch I’ve ever seen!” A desire to make others feel good about themselves is an admirable quality, and others will appreciate your praises most when they perceive you to be sincere.

A person who chooses honesty in the “little” ways not only will appear more truthful than others on a daily basis, but he or she will be better prepared to remain honest even when the stakes get high.