The Right Yes


I stumbled on to that question—“Do you want me to be honest?”—and how powerful it was, early in my career as a negotiator. We had a tight situation, and I was just searching for something to say. I forget precisely what the guy on the other side of the door had said up to that point, but once I asked him the “Do you want me to lie to you?” question, his whole tone of voice changed. A light just about went off in my head: Everybody wants you to be honest with them. Get them to agree to honesty as the basis for your relationship, and you can negotiate anything. From that point on, that question—and attitude—were a standard part of my negotiating plan.

Salespeople often talk about getting the customer to say yes to something—anything—as an important step in the process of making a sale. Now I don’t buy that entirely—I can say yes to a question about baseball and be no closer to buying a new suit than I was ten years ago when I bought my last one. But I do believe that the right “Yes” is an important step in getting negotiations going.

What I’m asking when I say, “Do you want me to be honest?” isn’t whether the person wants me to lie or not—hell no, he doesn’t want me lying; that’s a no-brainer. What I’m saying is, “Are you ready to negotiate, or not?” If I tell you the truth, or at least what I think is the truth, are you going to look at it objectively, or at least try to? Can you and I work together to figure this thing out?

The question puts us on an even par. I can use it later on if I don’t think the guy is leveling with me: “Hey, I’m telling you the truth, you gotta be square with me.” I use his answer—and the rapport that it implied—to get him back to the table.




Negotiate and Win. Proven Strategies from the NYPD's Top Hostage Negotiator
Negotiate and Win: Proven Strategies from the NYPDs Top Hostage Negotiator
ISBN: 0071737774
EAN: 2147483647
Year: 2003
Pages: 180

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