When You Can t Walk Away


When You Can’t Walk Away

Actually, that’s a lie. There are times when you can’t walk out—when you really are the hostage, not the negotiator. Your back was turned and suddenly there are masked men with guns in the lobby of the bank, telling everyone to put up their hands. The ex-boyfriend violates the order of protection and drives through three states to somehow find you. Your mother-in-law manages to hack the code on your Caller ID, and you pick up the phone by mistake.

What do you do?

The first thing to do is also the hardest thing: Stay calm, stay cool. If you’re in a position to say something, make whatever you say contribute to calm.

The next thing to do is realize that you are not a negotiator; you’re a hostage. Hostages are not in a position to negotiate because they’re not going to have anything the hostage taker wants. Unless there’s a possibility of a transaction, there’s no basis for negotiation. Hostages have no out; negotiators do. In order to negotiate, the hostage has to stop being a hostage.

People trapped in a bank with robbers probably are generally not going to be in a position to step out of the hostage role. That’s why there are hostage negotiating teams. But a businessman trying to get a new insurance policy, or a young secretary trying to buy a car, or parents trying to get a better education for their children, can. They do it by finding viable alternatives to the present situation. If you can walk out the front door of the bank without being shot, you’re not a hostage. If you can get a new insurance policy by taking your business down the street, you’re not a hostage. If you can pick and choose between different amenities on the new house, you’re not a hostage.

In nearly all negotiations in everyday life, there are options, even if they’re not immediately obvious. There’s always an out you can take. Knowing that is very powerful. It means you’re not a hostage—you can negotiate.




Negotiate and Win. Proven Strategies from the NYPD's Top Hostage Negotiator
Negotiate and Win: Proven Strategies from the NYPDs Top Hostage Negotiator
ISBN: 0071737774
EAN: 2147483647
Year: 2003
Pages: 180

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