No Cons


I’m not above relying on emotional factors to help me negotiate. I can’t deny that they work. A friend of mine made sure to bring the kid along when he went with his wife to talk to a surgeon about an operation she was going to undergo. He wanted to subtly remind the surgeon what was at stake. It may not have been a traditional negotiating setting, but the operation did go well.

Guilt trips are fine, and persuading people is what we’re all about. But you can’t con someone. It comes back to the whole thing about telling the truth.

As I said earlier, the one question new hostage negotiators freeze or stumble on when they’re in a negotiation is: “Do I have to go to jail?”

Shit yeah, asshole. And probably for a long time.

The negotiator can’t say no; lying is a quick fix, and any savvy person on the other side is going to see it as a con. And saying “I don’t know”—which technically is often the “right,” true answer—doesn’t work, because usually you get an instant reply: “You know I am going to jail.”

Instead, when I’m in a situation like that, I say something along the lines of: “Look, here’s the deal. I know why you are in there and you know why you are in there, right?” It’s a gimme question, one of those “yes” responses that are so important. It’s really asking permission to tell the other guy the truth. Because when the bad guy says yes, my response then is along the lines of: “All I can tell you is you have to go through the system. Jail time is totally up to you, your lawyer, and the court. The most important thing I need for you to consider right now is this: What happens at those proceedings is totally in your hands. What you do right now will influence how that turns out.”

It’s not a lie at all, and in fact the conversation goes on from there.

“Aw, come on, man,” the bad guy might say. “You know I’m going to do time.”

Again, the truth, this time presented as a question: “Do you know anyone who committed a crime, went to court, and walked without doing any time?”

They answer, inevitably: “Yes.”

We’ll save our discussion on the American criminal justice system for another time. The point is, I’ve used the truth to tell them what they don’t want to hear, and to build rapport and respect at the same time.




Negotiate and Win. Proven Strategies from the NYPD's Top Hostage Negotiator
Negotiate and Win: Proven Strategies from the NYPDs Top Hostage Negotiator
ISBN: 0071737774
EAN: 2147483647
Year: 2003
Pages: 180

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