Chapter24.Putting It All Together

Chapter 24. Putting It All Together

One of life's great fascinations is watching people evolve over time. Some people grow and develop, while others seem to be stuck in patterns that limit their happiness and well-being. Others excel in certain areas of their lives while failing miserably in others. A small few are spectacularly successful by conventional measures, yet are perpetually dissatisfied. Is there a simple model we can use to make sense of these observations?

Many years of watching and thinking have led me to believe that we can further our understanding by simplifying the problem. The model I use consists of three fundamental states, characterized by the Yiddish words schlepper, macher, and mensch. First I will describe the states, and how people move from one state to the next. Then I will explain how people can get stuck in one of the earlier states, and how to address that failure mode. In addition, I'll talk about people in different states in different parts of their lives at a given time. Finally, I'll address the issue of the distribution of the population in the various states and the implications for getting along in the real world.

I want to be a little precise with words here. I call the three states "phases," because I believe that there is a natural progression that is accessible to all people. The phases become available as people grow, mature, and come to terms with the real world, learning how to make appropriate compromises between their belief systems and the exigencies of everyday life. Unfortunately, sometimes people get stuck in a phase and don't move on. That leads to thinking of them as a "class" of people. But the word class is overloaded with lots of other implications, social and otherwise. Hence, I avoid the use of that term.

Why is this important? We have a tendency to believe that life is complex, and there is a wealth of academic research on the interactions of social groups in many different contexts: family, business, teams, and so on. Most of it is inaccessible to the average person. What I have come to believe is that this very simple model explains a wide variety of real-world data and has predictive power. A simple model that people can understand and apply and that works 80 percent of the time is more useful than a complex and hard-to-use model that works 95 percent of the time.