We feel compelled to make a distinction between the friends you make on MySpace and the friends you actually know in the real world. As it turns out, most of the teens we've spoken with tell us that they use the service mainly to communicate with kids they know from school or other real-world venues; to communicate with bands; or, in some cases, to communicate with people who have common interests in sports, games, politics, and other activities. MySpace does have features that let you respond to and seek out people you meet through the service, of course. We urge that teens use these features cautiously, if at all. This is especially important for young people who, as we discussed in Chapter 2, sometimes use social-networking sites to collect friends, treating the service as a sort of popularity contest. Obviously, they can be more vulnerable to contacts from strangers who want to become their "friends." MySpace recently made it more difficult for adults to view the full profiles of 14- and 15-year-old users and to contact those users, but the additional protection depends on people being honest about their ages, as we mentioned in Chapter 3. So it's still possible that your kids will hear from strangers who want to be their friend. Savvy teen users tell us that they never add such people to their friends lists without first checking out the profiles to be sure that there is a real connection, such as a person they know from school or elsewhere who has genuine shared interests, or at least a friend of a friend. We'll have a lot more to say about social-networking safety in the next chapter. Adding FriendsEven if you have a public profile, there are certain privileges that are available only to people you designate as "friends." For example, only friends can post on your profile, comment on your picture or see certain information. If your profile is private, it's off-limits to all but your friends. That's why, on MySpace as in life, it's important to remind your kids to choose their friends carefully. To add a friend who isn't a MySpace user:
On the right side of the Invite page are options for importing contact lists from your Yahoo!, Gmail, Hotmail, or AOL account. We suggest you think carefully before doing this, however. If you do import one, MySpace, by default, will send an invitation to everyone in your address book for that account, unless you uncheck that person's name. We think you're better off making a list of the friends you want to invite (and "checking it twice"), and then entering the email addresses one at a time. To add friends or request a friend who is already on MySpace:
The person you're trying to add will get a "New Friend Request Message" (see the next section, "Accepting or Denying Friend Requests") and will have the option to Approve, Deny or Send you a message. If you're approved, you will show up on that person's friends list, and he or she will show up on yours. Accepting or Denying Friend RequestsIf you receive a new friend request, you'll receive notification in the My Mail section of your home page. You'll also be notified in your nonMySpace personal email account (the one you used to sign up with MySpace) if you chose in Account Settings to receive those external notifications (see "Adjusting Other Account Settings" in Chapter 3). Friend requests, like all other notifications (Comments, Blogs, and Event Invites), are hard to miss. As soon as you log into MySpace, a little envelope and New Friend Requests! message appears in blue at the top of the My Mail area on your home page (Figure 4.5). Figure 4.5. You've got a New Friend Request!
It is common to receive MySpace friend requests from people you know, as well as from complete strangers (unless you have a private profile). All requests are pending and remain so for a month. During that time, a user can view and explore the requester's profile, and has the choice to accept the request, deny the request, or contact the requester via MySpace mail. If you choose to do nothing, the request will disappear from your inbox in 30 days, and you will not be added to the person's friends list. To accept or deny a friend request, follow these steps:
Inviters don't get any kind of notification when their requests have been denied (although they probably will figure it out when they don't end up being added to your friends list). Key Parenting Point Don't forget: Remind your kids to be very cautious before accepting a request from someone they don't know in the real worldor at least register your concern, because they've probably heard it before. Even when people have very cool profiles and seem to be the type of people you'd like to get to know, that doesn't mean they are who they say they are. There have been numerous cases of people making up very convincing profiles that are totally fake. We recommend that teens (and adults, too) use MySpace to hang out with people whom they truly know are who they say they are. A very good ruleespecially for social networkers who are younger teensis that their parents should also know everyone on their children's friends listjust as we'd want to know who they're hanging out with in person.
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