As you know, I stress the use of Emotioneering Techniques in combination. In the film noir bar scene, four techniques are used:
That's a lot of Emotioneering, crammed into a very short cinematic!
Underkill Is Sometimes Better than Overkill
In the example cinematic, I kept the extent of the woman's feelings about Kyle a bit vague, although we can sense she's concerned about him or she wouldn't have brought him up. Her last line was:
WOMAN: A great day? What's that? (Pause) Kyle loved this place.
Now I'll add an extra line at the end, so her dialogue becomes:
WOMAN: A great day? What's that? (Pause) Kyle loved this place. (Worried) I hope they haven't messed him up.
Let's look at the entire interchange, with this new ending:
You walk into the bar. She's sitting there, a drink in front of her. She observes you as you approach. WOMAN: You're the best thing I've seen all day. SELF: I'm flattered -- but only if you've had a great day. WOMAN: A great day? What's that? (Pause) Kyle loved this place. (Worried) I hope they haven't messed him up.
The interchange now has a fifth Emotioneering function: Worry. Worry is another NPC Dialogue Deepening Technique, so it gives her more depth.
This isn't to say her worry improves the cinematic; in fact, I think it definitely lessens it for two reasons: