Experiencing the Rewards

We’ve focused on how people struggle to find a meaningful balance between work and family, but this passage can also be a highly rewarding experience. When people learn how to strike a meaningful balance, they acquire a strong sense of self. We don’t want to become overly spiritual or poetic, but this balance confers a feeling of harmony, of living life in accordance with one’s values and beliefs.

Some of the best leaders we’ve known live value-consistent lives. They have gone through this passage and found a way to meet business and personal goals. As a result, they project an inner confidence that makes others trust and respect them. They don’t look or act like people whose lives are out of balance, who are obsessive workaholics or distracted by family problems. Instead, they are the kind of leaders of whom people say, “He really has his act together.” This doesn’t mean that he has struck the perfect balance between work and family because, as we’ve noted, there is no such thing. There are times when his spouse complains that he’s traveling too much or when he feels guilty that he’s taking a three-week vacation when he should be in the office. Most of the time, though, he has found a middle ground that allows him to satisfy the needs of his organization and his family. He has the aspect of a mature leader.

Such a leader’s maturation is due, in part, to receiving the support of his family. When you see Oscar winners or star athletes from winning teams attributing their success to the support they received from others, these statements of gratitude are usually heartfelt. Although there are exceptions, strong leaders generally have strong families or support systems. They are able to operate with certainty and purpose, in part because they know that no matter what happens, they can rely on their families for support.

Finally, people who go through this passage learn a lot about themselves and what really matters to them. Early in a career, many high-potential people are workaholics and devote themselves fully to their companies and careers. Even when they start families, they rationalize their workaholic tendencies, telling themselves there will be plenty of time later on to play with their kids and be with their partners. One day they realize that the time to be with their family is short. They discover that the distance between themselves and their family is too great to be bridged. For a number of years, they’ve been involved in a world of quick decisions, intense pressure, high-powered meetings, rewards for performance, and a jet-set corporate lifestyle. The other world of family is very different, and many executives seek shelter in their business cocoons from the slower-paced, delayed-gratification aspects of their personal lives. They may do this unconsciously, but at some point they realize they’ve separated their two worlds, and their partner and kids have grown in one direction while they’ve grown in another.

Ideally, you’ll go through this passage and make an effort to close the gap between work and family before it becomes too wide. This is the time when many leaders set limits on their work time and schedules and have tough discussions with their partners about what is acceptable behavior. The effort is worth it, though, because people emerge from this passage with a firm sense of who they are and what’s important in their lives, providing them with the inner strength that marks outwardly strong leaders.

I think the important thing is to try to take care of one’s health and of the family. I try to take my holiday regularly. That’s it.

Thomas Ebeling, CEO, Novartis Pharmaceuticals